“Bad omen, indeed. That brings the number up to thirteen for dinner tomorrow,” Joe commented.
Cecily smiled indulgently at his perception and for a moment he feared she might pat his head. “You see my problem. No one sits down thirteen to dinner. No! Don’t think of offering to withdraw yourself, young man. Alex, as always, is the oddity.” She wrung her hands to indicate maternal concern. “We must have that lady doctor to chaperone him. A day’s notice is unmannerly in the extreme but … I wonder … why don’t I entrust the invitation to someone she’ll be hardly likely to refuse? To you, Joe? I’ve had a cold response on the few occasions we’ve met and I know she’s bound to spurn an invitation from me. There’s a telephone in the little study to the left of the front door. Why not go and see if you can tempt her to come? Styles will give you the number … Ah! Wilfred! Here you are! What did you think of the orchids? Now—do we have a mallet for Wilfred, Joe?”
The use of the telephone was temptation enough for Joe. He agreed to the unwanted task without demur, excused himself and headed for the study.
First a long-distance call.
“Lydia?”
“Joe! Where the devil are you?”
“Got a pencil? Write down this number quickly before the pips go.” He read out the numbers from the base of the phone. “I’m in Suffolk. Working on a murder case. Possibly two murders …” He gave a short account of his predicament, mentioning that he’d diced with death three times so far that day and was now in hideous thrall to a dragon dowager who was holding him prisoner within her curtilage and using him as a sort of police-gigolo. Lydia’s little brother was to be pitied rather than ticked off, he implied. It usually worked but not today.
“Well, your weekend seems to be going better than mine. We were going to have a quiet time with lots of champagne to celebrate the end of term for Dorcas and neither of you can get here … No … she’s been trying to contact you. Haven’t we all? But no luck. You can’t ring her because she’s gone off in a huff, heaven knows where. Has something gone wrong between you, Joe? Well, get here when you can. The champagne will keep. I can’t promise the same for the terrine de fruits de mer. Or the cherry ice cream.”
She meant it to sting.
Joe signed off with all the dignity he could muster, replaced the receiver, then picked it up again and asked the operator to connect him with the veterinarian, Mr. Hartest.
Adelaide answered. She recognised his voice and seemed pleased to be hearing from him. She listened while he relayed Cecily’s invitation for the following evening. Two seconds was all it took for her to make up her mind.
“Certainly not!” she snapped. “For about ten reasons. I don’t want to. I don’t like her. I wouldn’t like her guests. I would almost certainly drown Alex in his soup. I shall be preparing Pa’s supper at exactly that time. I shall be in church at the Evensong service. Choose whichever you like.”
Joe put out a finger and broke contact abruptly, then he replaced the receiver. Pausing to count out a sixpence and a two-shilling piece to put into the box placed by the phone, he darted into the hall and flushed out Styles.
“Bicycle? Do you have such a thing on the premises?” he asked with some urgency.
“Certainly. May I enquire as to the nature and duration of the jaunt you are contemplating, sir?” The measured enquiry was laden with respectful censure. Like a good herd dog, Styles was not happy when a guest appeared to be making a run for it.
“A short errand for her ladyship.” Not quite a lie.
This proved acceptable, apparently. “You’ll find a selection in the garage. Everything from racers to sit-up-and-begs that don’t scare the ladies.” He measured Joe for a moment from head to toe with a tailor’s eye and called, “Timmy!” A young trainee footman presented himself. “Timmy, show the gentleman to the garage and point out the Schwinn, will you?”
BOWLING DOWN THE lime avenue on a daringly drop-handled, balloon-tyred speedster (the Swine, according to a reverent Timmy, who would clearly have given his shining buttons for a ride on it), Joe chortled with amusement. Butlers! He wondered how many decrepit old guests had been flattered into flinging a gouty leg over this seductive killer. He felt a surge of exhilaration, not only from the speed and smoothness of the ride but from relief at his escape and the energy powered him all the way to the vet’s neat house. He arrived, braking silently in front of the copper beech hedge and noting that his ride had taken only five minutes. What right did he have to impose himself on Adelaide? None at all and he prepared to have his ears boxed and be sent off straight back to the Hall. He adjusted his tie and fiddled with his plaster.
She was dead-heading the roses and turned with a smile as she heard the iron gate creak open. Clearly expecting her father, Joe supposed. He wished that the welcome had been for him but the smile faded and she squinted in puzzlement when she recognised her visitor. His only recourse was to boldness. He clanged the gate shut and pushed his bike up the path.
“Joe? What on earth?”
Well, at least she’d remembered his name. It was a start.
“Wretched telephone! We were cut off. I’ve come to hear the remaining four.”
“Four what?”
“Reasons. You promised me ten and had delivered six, none of which I liked. You were saying …?”
She put the secateurs away in her pocket and came to stand in front of him. “Seven: there’s a play on the wireless I’d planned to listen to with Pa. Eight: I have nothing suitable to wear for such an occasion. Nine: I’m damned if I’m going to rattle up to the Hall in Dad’s old vet’s estate car. Ten: I don’t want to risk being put to sit next to you all evening.”
Joe grinned. “Now there’s the truth! I’d be persuaded by any one of those. But listen, we can work our way around seven and ten so we’re left with—”
“No—you’re left with. This has very little to do with me. I think you’re very rude to come here and put me on the spot. You should arrest yourself for harassment.”
Joe ignored this as he couldn’t contradict. “The car—they’ve got plenty at the Hall. I’ll have them send a chauffeur to fetch you and I’ll bring you back myself. The dress? Hmm … Are you sure? It needn’t be a designer number. Whatever you wear, you’ll put the other women in the shade. Crocodiles in pearls!” he said in a voice bright with encouragement and challenge. “Go and look in your cupboards.”
“First, I’d like to take a look at whatever you’re hiding under that dressing,” she said, peering up at his cheek. “Something bitten you?”
Joe exclaimed, as without further warning, she ripped the plaster off. “Good Lord! That’s nasty!” She put up a hand and ran it over the bumps and creases. “There are splinters in there. Wood? Have you been hugging a tree with indecent fervour?”
“Some idiot chucked a log at me. A man with a green face and a green shirt. Yet another person in the county who thinks Joe Sandilands is a bit of bad news.”
“Urgh! You fell foul of Robin Goodfellow? Rustic comedian and resident parasite? You should have run him in. Look, you’d better come into the parlour, sit yourself on a chair, and I’ll get my bag. Tweezers and a spot of iodine should work wonders. You can’t afford to pick up another scar—that would be extravagantly romantic. They’d have to put you in a musical comedy.”