The clock ticks on the wall. The refrigerator hums in the other room. All these sounds that show me life is going on, is real, that they are actually saying this to me-even Astley.
“I changed… I changed to do this. If I don’t get Nick, that means I’ve changed for nothing.” My voice sounds hysterical. I clamp my mouth shut. Tears are popping into my eyes.
“I know, sweetie.” Betty pats my arm.
“No, that is incorrect,” Astley disagrees. “It is not for nothing. Your change makes me stronger. It brings us stability. When you live with me as queen, we will-”
“Absolutely not,” Mom interrupts.
Astley’s gaze goes from one to the other of us as he stands up. “That is not the issue at this time. What is important is getting to Valhalla. Who shall go?”
Mrs. Nix puts down her mug. It rests on her big knee. “I will.”
“I thought we’d decided that I would,” Betty says.
“I am not as needed. You have a family, Betty, medical skills that I just don’t have. But I am just as good a warrior as you are and you know it.”
Betty nods. “True.”
“But you are needed,” I interrupt, staring at Mrs. Nix’s sweet round face. “And you do have a family. Everyone at school is your family. We’re your family.”
She smiles softly at me, this woman who is a bear, and she says, “You are so kind, Zara. Let me do this for you. Let me be the hero this time.”
I don’t answer. I try to solid up my argument, but I don’t know how.
“She has a better chance at success,” Betty adds. “If you do it, you’re being selfish, Zara. You are lowering the odds of us actually rescuing Nick. Is that what you want?”
I swallow hard. “No.”
“Didn’t think so,” she retorts. “I wonder why only one can go at a time? Where do these ancient rules even come from?”
It is still snowing outside when we leave. It is the kind of snow that seems like it will never stop, maybe because it hasn’t for weeks. It isn’t too heavy, but it’s built up so that there are snow piles where sidewalks should be on Main and High Streets. City public works crews don’t seem to ever have a break. They keep hauling it off the streets and parking lots. They dump a lot in the parking lot by the harbor because it’s winter and no boaters are out. The town dock is basically a tiny park with a gazebo and a couple of floating docks that are currently hauled up on the parking lot and covered with three huge mountains of snow.
We’re all carpooling there. It took a lot of protesting for my mom and Betty to even allow me to come, but I’d gone all the way to New York with Astley, so they could hardly make like a trip across town would be too taxing. I know they are trying to protect me because they love me, but seriously? All the fussing is a little too much, and I’ve compromised a lot by letting Mrs. Nix go to Valhalla instead of me.
Betty, my mom, Mrs. Nix, and I drive to the harbor in my mom’s rental car. Betty and Mrs. Nix sit in the backseat, with Betty giving her pointers nonstop.
“Do not trust anyone,” she tells her. “Not even the gods.”
“Of course,” Mrs. Nix says.
“And if you get in a jam, use the lunge-when you rear up you expose your belly to attack.”
“Of course.”
I turn around and look at them. They are so cute together. “We’re here. Are you okay to do this? I can still go.”
Mrs. Nix smiles at me and reaches forward to touch the side of my face. “It’s my turn to be the hero, Zara. I like it. Plus, I get to reunite true lovers. It’s romantic.”
Her eyes are soft and sweet but strong too. She drops her hand from my face, and my voice chokes up as I say, “Thank you.”
Astley pulls up.
“That car does not fit in here,” Betty snarks as she gets out.
This is true. Astley, Amelie, and a tied-up BiForst exit Astley’s too-snazzy car as Mrs. Nix exits ours.
I grab the door handle, but my mom stops me. “It’s too cold out for you.”
I glare at her. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
But she’s not. She wants me to stay in the car, just stay here and watch. Everyone else agrees.
“Outvoted,” Betty announces, then frowns woefully. “But you have front-row seats.”
That does not make it better, but I don’t want to make a big scene. I motion for Mrs. Nix to come to the window. She leans in. She smells like cinnamon rolls, like a stereotypical grandmother from the old days, warm and good, full of flour and sugar and love.
“I can’t thank you enough,” I whisper at her.
A snowflake sticks to her hair. “I am honored to do it.”
She starts to move away, but I reach out and grab the fabric of her light blue parka. “Tell him I love him, okay? Tell him… I wanted to be the one to save him.”
“Zara.” She pauses, straightens up. “Nick already knows that, honey. Now, no worries. I’ll bring him back soon. You take good care of your old grandma while I’m gone. She’s not as tough as she pretends to be and she worries some about you. Deal?”
“Deal.”
From my spot in the rental car, which smells of plastic and disinfectant, I watch them walk past the twenty abandoned parking spots in the lot, take a hard right by the shack that passes for a harbormaster’s office, and onto the pier, which is part metal and part wood. They are a ragtag group of strange. They stand on the end of the dock. Ice chunks fill the water, looking like tiny dirty icebergs. Mrs. Nix looks like a blue marshmallow in her parka. My mom, Cassidy, and Issie group together like they are searching for strength from one another. Astley callously pushes BiForst in front of the rest. They wear fabric and leather and wool. They wear winter hats and gloves. Some stride (Betty), some saunter (Cassidy), and some seem to waddle (Mrs. Nix), but they are all here for one thing: to get Nick back, and I love them so much for it. I love them so much that it’s almost okay that they are making me wait in the car.
What a liar I am.
It is not okay at all. They could get hurt. They could need backup. Something could go wrong.
The air starts to shimmer around them. Gasping, I lean forward onto the dashboard to get a better look. A bridge is forming over the river. It’s silver and shiny and- It’s not a rainbow. Everything I’ve read has said it would be a rainbow. Maybe “rainbow” is a word that gets lost in translation? I don’t know. I want to hope that, but it doesn’t feel right. Mrs. Nix steps on it and starts walking. The bridge arches over the river. The snow obscures the end. Mrs. Nix waddles up it, higher and higher.
Everything inside me shudders, and I freeze up. It’s not from the cold. It’s not from the wound. It’s because that BiForst guy is giving off a smell that I catch even from the car. It’s an arrogant smell. It’s like fire or death or- It’s what that Frank pixie smelled like when he killed Nick.
I shove open the car door, ignore the pain, and start to run, but I get only a few steps before the bridge just explodes.
Time stops.
The explosion is so loud it’s like it sucks the sound out of everything.
A second passes.
Another.
The smell of burning fur and sulfur rush into the air. Shards of crystals rain through the sky. Someone screams. Black smoke billows across everything, obscures everything.
“Mrs. Nix!” I yell. “Mrs. Nix!”
But I know, even as I yell it, that it’s too late.
The silence is huge and horrifying.
It should have been me.
For a moment nobody moves. Then it’s all slow motion. Cassidy is screaming. It’s inhumanly high and keening, and the air seems to echo with it. My mom moves to stand in front of her. Her hands go to Cassidy’s arms. Issie doesn’t move. She is shocked still. Devyn pulls her into a hug, protecting her head from falling debris. Astley turns to look at me. His eyes meet my eyes, even though I am still rushing toward them and there is a big distance. He half jumps, half flies to me.