The women glared at me as they passed. “What did you do?” their eyes accused.
The men sent pitying glances or condescending smirks my way. “Sucks to be you.”
I ignored them. They weren’t worth my attention.
“Can I get us out of here?” I asked. I felt the gentle nod of Livvie’s head against my chest. I pulled back slowly, not sure if I was prepared for what might happen next. Suddenly, it didn’t matter. Livvie looked up at me, and even with tears in her eyes, she smiled. I had been waiting a long time to see her smile. It had been worth every horrible second I’d been without her.
“I missed you too. So much,” she whispered and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cry. It’s just… it’s so fucking good to see you!”
And then I smiled. I took her hand and we walked. All around me, life seemed surreal. I’d have thought I was in a dream were it not for the way my face stung. I was tempted to mention it, to make a joke of some kind to break up the tension just under the surface of our joy, but I opted to say nothing. Livvie was with me and it was all that mattered to me.
“Did you drive?” she asked.
“I did,” I replied somewhat awkwardly. “It was optimistic, I guess. I figured either it would be my last opportunity to drive the streets of Barcelona, or I’d be driving you back to my place in style.” I laughed half-heartedly. The longer it took to get to my car, the more awkward the situation became.
Livvie stopped walking and I jerked to a halt.
“I don’t think I’m ready for that… Caleb.” She looked around as if making sure we weren’t alone. She slipped her hand from mine.
I tried not to let it bother me. Of course she’d be frightened to go anywhere with me, but it still stung. I tried to smile as sincerely as possible and shoved my hands in my pockets.
“We don’t have to go to my place. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. I just… shit, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.”
Livvie gave me a weak smile, the kind that didn’t reach her eyes. She looked so beautiful, and so sad. She looked just as I remembered.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve been a wreck for the last four hours, just dying to get here so I could see you and now…” She crossed her arms around her stomach and lifted one hand to pull at her bottom lip. It was one of those gestures she made unconsciously and I remembered it well. It reminded me that no matter how much she’d changed in the last year, there were things about her that would never change.
It was only natural for her to wonder about the ways I hadn’t changed. Frankly, it took every ounce of my self-control not to grab her and abscond. I had come so close to having everything I wanted, and in a split second it seemed things between Livvie and me would end before we even got to the car.
I suddenly didn’t trust myself.
“Maybe... this was a mistake?” I edged. I wanted to give her the choice, but I wasn’t sure I could bear to hear the answer.
She closed her eyes and squeezed herself a little tighter. Her brows knit together in what I interpreted as sorrow. Her head shook slightly from side to side.
I took it as a good sign. Her tells weren’t choice—they were instinct. It thrilled me to know her instinct was to deny any possibility that meeting me was a mistake.
“I know what I want, Livvie. I want to be a part of your life again. I know we can’t start over. I know you have every reason in the world to want me dead, but I—”
She placed her hand over my mouth.
“Don’t. I’m not ready for that either,” she said. She almost seemed angry with me.
I can never overstate the depth and beauty of Livvie’s eyes. I can stare into them forever, until I forget my own name (which, let’s face it—wouldn’t take me long).
I took my left hand out of my pocket and covered her hand over my mouth. I kissed her fingers and nodded. It was as close to supplication as I could come without making a groveling ass of myself. It wasn’t pride—it was stratagem. If I had thought groveling would get Livvie into my car, I would have made a good show of it. I’m shameless.
Slowly, Livvie pulled her hand away from my mouth and curled her fingers around mine. She shook her head and smiled ruefully.
“I don’t know what I’m doing either, Caleb. I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve put certain aspects of my life on hold, thinking—hoping that one day you’d find me again. And now you’re here and I have to be honest… it’s freaking me out.”
I stepped closer to her. I was elated when she didn’t take a step back. Her hand was warm in mine and her red lips were simply begging to be kissed again. She’d caught me off guard with the first one. I was desperate to make the second kiss last.
“I know. I don’t expect you to trust me, but, Livvie, I would never do anything to hurt you again. Just give me a chance to prove it. How can I prove it to you?” I couldn’t resist the urge to stroke her bronzed shoulder. She looked like a goddess. She looked like sex on silky legs. Her kitten tongue, just like I remembered it, swept her bottom lip as she pondered her response. “You’re killing me with that, Livvie.”
Her head tilted to one side.
“Killing you with what?”
I took a chance and tugged her a little closer. I removed my other hand from my pocket and let my thumb run across the curved bow of her lips. We swallowed.
“I want to kiss you again, but I’m afraid I’ll scare you away.” I took a step back when she tensed. “So I won’t.”
It was almost more than I cared to take. The impulsive man in me that was used to getting what he wanted at any cost was tempted to take control.
I realize you’ve somehow been lulled into believing my baser urges had been overcome, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth at the time. I had spent the year prior to our reunion righting old wrongs, and sometimes it had meant being the man Rafiq had raised me to be.
“How did you find me, Caleb?” Livvie’s voice was small and her fear irritated me because I knew she had a right to it. She cared about me. She wouldn’t have shown up if she didn’t, but I hated her trepidation just the same.
“What do you want me to say? You know who I am. You know what I do.” I let go of her hand before she had a chance to pull away from me again. The night was quickly going to shit. I was glad she didn’t have me arrested, but I hadn’t really planned for a scenario involving lust and incredible awkwardness.
“Hey,” she whispered. “I don’t mean it like that. I’m happy to see you, I am! But if you found me… what makes you think someone else can’t?”
I felt like an idiot.
“It wasn’t easy. If it weren’t for our conversations, the things I know about you, I don’t think I would have found you. You’re safe, Livvie. No one’s coming for you. I swear it.” I didn’t mention that I’d killed anyone who would have bothered.
“What things?” she asked. I could hear the hesitation in her voice.
“Do you really want to know, Livvie? Because once you know, I can’t take it back.” I let my eyes meet hers. I was willing to do a lot of things to win her, but she had to accept the harsh truth that I wasn’t a man who played by society’s rules and I never would be.
“Did you hurt anyone?” Her eyes implored me to say no.
“No,” I said honestly. I even managed a flirtatious smile. She smiled back.
“Then I guess I don’t need to know.” She reached for my hand and tugged me in the direction we had been walking.
“This still doesn’t solve the problem of what we’re going to do when we get to my car.”