Snookie Cane, that fat bitch, be standin in the middle of the audience and she say, “What a tough audience. Welcome to the show, Van Go. Look at the expression on his face,” she say. “We told Van Go that he was coming here to meet someone who had a crush on him. Are you surprised, Van Go.”
I look at the camera. “Yeah, I surprised,” I say.
“Today’s show is called, You gave me the baby, Now where’s the money,” she say. “So, where is the money, Van Go? These four ladies say you have never given them any cash for their children.”
“I takes care of my babies,” I say.
“Well, that’s a different story from the one we’ve been hearing,” she say.
“I don’t know what you been hearin, but I takes care of my babies.”
“Youse a damn liar,” Reynisha shout. “You ain’t gave me a damn penny, you dog.”
The audience laugh.
“Sit down and shut the fuck up,” I say.
“You can’t use that kind of language on the television,” Snookie Cane say. “And I can’t believe you would talk that way in front of your children.”
“But the ho be lying,” I say.
“Who you callin a ho?” Reynisha say.
“You, bitch.”
The audience makes a big noise all together. Snookie Cane steps down closer to the cage. “Check the language, Van Go.”
“He ain’t bout nuffin,” Cleona say.
I give her a hard look since she sittin right next to me.
“Have you given Cleona any money, Van Go?” Snookie Cane ax me.
“What?”
The audience laugh.
“Yes or no, have you given Cleona any money for Rexall?” she ax.
“You see, I ain’t had a job,” I say.
“But you have a job now, right?” Snookie Cane say.
“Yeah, but I ain’t got paid yet,” I say.
“So, when you get paid, are you going to give money to each of these ladies?” she ax.
“Hell, no,” Sharinda say. “He don’t care bout nobody but hisself.”
“Yeah, I’m gone give them some money,” I says.
Robertarina laughs loud. “I’ll believe that shit when I see it.”
“Your language, Robertarina,” Snookie Cane say.
“Sorry,” say Robertarina.
“Some surprise, huh,” Snookie Cane say to me. Then to the camera. “When we come back we’ll see if we can get to the bottom of this and we’ll hear what our audience has to say.”
The lights on the cameras goes off and Snookie Cane is surrounded by people makin up her face. She ain’t payin no attention to me. Cleona give me a look.
“What yo’ problem?” I ax.
“Shut up,” she say.
“Who the fuck you tellin to shut up?” I say.
A big muthafucka wearin sumpin’ on his head come trailin a wire over to me. “You’re goin have to watch yo’ language,” he say.
“You bet’ get yo’ big-lipped ass away from me,” I say.
“One more fuck and you’re off the show,” he say. He poke a finger in my chest and look at me hard. “Got it?”
“I got it,” I say.
Reynisha is lookin at me and laughin. “Keep laughin, bitch,” I say.
“And whatchew gone do?” she say. I got sumpin’ fo’ you if you come to my house.” She talkin bout that nine she got. “Come on ova.”
The camera come back on.
“Welcome back,” Snookie Cane say. “Our show today is You gave me the baby, Now where’s the money? And on our stage we have Van Go Jenkins, father of four children by four different women. Van Go, so you admit you haven’t contributed any money to the care of your children.”
“I ain’t admittin nuffin,” I say.
“He ain’t bout nuffin,” Cleona say it this time.
“Shut up, bitch,” I say.
The audience makes a noise.
Snookie Cane put the microphone in front of a fat woman with corn rows on her head. “His problem is he don’t respect himself,” the fat woman say. “So, how he gone respect anybody else.”
“I respect myself,” I say.
“You ain’t showin it, boy,” the fat woman say.
“Who you callin boy?” I say. “Sit yo’ big butt down.”
A tall, skinny dude stand up and say, “I think Mr. Jenkins here gots a problem wif his self-confidence, you know wif his manhood.”
“I’ll show you mine if you keep yo’s to yo’self,” I say.
The audience laugh and that feel kinda good.
“You have an answer for everybody, don’t you,” Snookie Cane say.
“Damn straight,” I say. “Somebuddy wanna answer, I gots one.”
Snookie Cane say, “We hear from Sharinda that you ain’t all that in bed.”
The audience laugh.
“Sharinda be lyin,” I say. “Sharinda be screamin.”
The audience make a noise.
“I be screamin to keep from laughin,” Sharinda say.
The audience laugh.
I feels blood in my face and my leg is shakin and my mouth feel like it movin but ain’t no words comin out.
“She got you, Van Go,” Snookie Cane say.
“You the one ain’t nuffin,” I say.
Sharinda lean back and snap her fingers and say, “All I know is I gots me a real man now and I be screamin fo’ sho.”
“Let’s meet that man,” Snookie Cane say. “Want to, audience?”
The audience say yeah.
Snookie Cane say, “Come on out, Mad Dog!”
The audience laugh at his name and I laughs too and this itty bitty lil’ nigger come struttin out. I bust up laughin. That be Mad Dog? I’m sho ‘nuff beside myself now.
“A real man,” I say to the audience.
Mad Dog just look at me like he don’t care what I say. For a second I feels kinda like a fool. But I cuts a look at him. I oughta fuck him up.
“Mad Dog,” Snookie Cane say, “what do you know about all this.”
Mad Dog lean back like Sharinda and say, “I don’t know much, but I know this nigger ain’t shit.”
The audience scream.
“You have to watch your language, Mad Dog,” Snookie Cane say.
“I’m sorry,” Mad Dog say.
“Damn right, you sorry,” I say.
Mad Dog laugh. “Listen, boy, I takes care of yo’ baby everyday like she my own. Where yo’ money?”
The audience howl.
“Same place yo’ business be,” Mad Dog say. “Nowhere.”
I jumps up, but that little muthfucka don’t move, just look at me like I ain’t bout shit. That big dude with the headset on come and sit me back down.
“Bet sit yo’ butt down,” Mad Dog say, cool as shit.
Mad Dog talk to Snookie Cane and the audience. “I tell you what his problem is. He wanna knock boots wit Sharinda, but he ain’t even got shoes.”
The audience howl again.
“Aspireene is a sweet lil’ girl,” Mad Dog say. “I love Aspireene like my own.”
The audience say, “Awwwww.”
“That’s beautiful, Mad Dog,” Snookie Cane said.
Mad Dog smile at Sharinda and touch Aspireene’s face.
I look at the first row and I see Mama’s face and she look like she bout to cry. I hates Mama. I loves Mama. I hates Mama. I loves Mama.
Snookie Cane put the microphone in front of this white dude and he put his hand on his hip and say, “I think loverboy up there needth to get on away away from the girlth.”