“Let’s do it.”
Sixteen
After Kynan and Arik left, Cara took a seat at the table, and one of the vampires—holy crap, vampires!—brought her a ham sandwich and hot tea. Free of orc-weed, he assured, when she asked. She still had the leather-bound book Ares had given her before they left his place, A Guided Tour of Sheoul, which, though apparently written by a reasonably articulate, intelligent demon, was seriously creepy. But she was learning a lot, even if, so far, she hadn’t found anything that might help her understand hellhounds or the agimortus.
As she nibbled at the sandwich, she listened to Ares and his siblings argue about The Aegis, hellhounds, daggers, Pestilence, fallen angels… they were all over the place, like marbles on glass. And even though Cara was in the middle of it all, she felt like a serious outsider.
“You guys can feel free to ask my opinion,” she called out.
Ares strode over and pushed the uneaten portion of the sandwich closer to her. “We haven’t had to include anyone else in any decisions in a long time.” It wasn’t much of an apology, but from Ares, it was a lot.
She glanced at his brother and sister, who were pretending—badly—to not listen. “Look,” she said, lowering her voice, “I’m sorry for earlier. You’ve been trying to protect me, and I insulted you.”
Flickering light from the fire played on Ares’s face, throwing shadows in the hollows of his cheeks, and the flames danced in the black of his eyes. “You despise violence and those capable of it, don’t you?”
Cara sipped her tea to buy time. How could she explain that what she despised was what she was capable of. “Yes,” she said simply, because nothing else would come.
His hand dropped to his scabbard, his long fingers stroking his sword’s pommel like a lover, and the agimortus, which had been tingling already, kicked up a notch. “You despise me.”
“Not you.” She liked him too much. Even now, her skin was tightening as if his fingers were caressing her instead of the sword. “I despise killing.”
The sound of grinding molars joined the crackle of the fire, and then he drilled her with a stare so fierce she recoiled. “Tell me about the person you killed. Was it an accident?”
Whoa. He was as subtle as tank. “Y-syes.”
“Self-defense?”
Her heart skittered in an erratic rhythm. “Yes.”
“Then stop punishing yourself and everyone else who does what they have to do.”
So easy for him to say. He’d had thousands of years to stop punishing himself. If he ever had. “How many people have you killed?”
“Tens of thousands. And not all in self-defense.” His eyes held her captive, when she would have stumbled backward. “Yeah, you’re shocked. I’m a warrior, Cara. So go ahead and look at me with contempt, but you’ll thank God that I’m there when the werewolf is at the door. Because I’ll kill it, and I’ll never regret it. You can sit back and be appalled, but at least you’ll be alive, your hands will be free of blood, and it’ll be because of me.”
He wheeled away, but she snagged his armored elbow. The leather was surprisingly soft, and she wondered how it was supposed to protect him. “Wait.”
His entire body went taut. “I live to serve,” he said sarcastically, and God, that was it, wasn’t it? No one had ever treated him as anything but a warrior, so how was he supposed to see himself as anything different?
“You’re right,” she admitted. “And I appreciate what you’re doing for me. I don’t mean to judge you, but I see more in you than a killing machine.”
“How nice for you,” he said. “But you’re wrong. I can’t afford to be anything else.”
Her heart bled for him, that he believed that about himself. “Yes, you can.”
He laughed, as if what she’d said was beyond ludicrous. “Are you going to give me life lessons? What the fuck does a human with the lifespan of a gnat know about a five-thousand year-old demon?”
“What is your problem?” She shot him an irritated glare. “Why do you have such contempt for humans?”
“They die.” He bit out the words viciously. “You love them, and then they die. That’s what’s going to happen to you, Cara. You’re going to die, and then I’m going to—” He snapped his mouth shut so hard she heard the crack of teeth.
“You’re going to what?” The question tangled on her tongue, because she wasn’t sure what she wanted to hear.
His gaze skipped away. “I’m going to go evil.”
His answer chafed, for some reason. Had she wanted him to say he’d be sad? Ridiculous. But… okay, yes, she did. She wanted someone to be sad she was dead. The mark on her chest buzzed as her anger sparked. Ares spun around again, but oh, hell, no. She wasn’t finished with him yet.
Impulsively, she shoved him. Hard. Right into the wall. “You do not get to walk away from me like that. Not again. This is my life we’re talking about. I’m not a delicate little flower, nor am I a child. I’m a woman with no family and stuck in a strange world, so even if you have to pretend to care whether I live or die, that’s what I want. And if I want to have sex, it’s not your place to tell me I can’t handle it. And—”
“Cara.”
“—How dare you discount my experience—”
“Cara.”
“What?”
Ares just stared at her in the silence. Slowly, she turned her head, heat blooming in her cheeks at the sight of Limos and Than watching her, both wide-eyed.
“Cara?”
Groaning, she turned back to Ares, her tirade coming back to her in crystal clarity. His eyes gestured to the floor. She looked. Ares’s feet weren’t on the ground. With a gasp, she looked up, and holy shit… she was holding him against the wall and off the floor. Releasing him, she leaped backward, and he dropped to his feet.
“I guess the agimortus does make you stronger.” His words were spoken with a certain grim approval.
“I don’t understand. You said it was killing me.”
“It is. But you’re drawing on Hal in the meantime.” There was a brittle silence. “And me.”
She frowned. “You?”
There was a resigned note in his voice that she didn’t understand. “When I’m close to you, it drains me. It’s why my armor goes soft. And why I can’t sense jack shit when you’re around.” He closed the distance between them, his hands coming down on her shoulders. “And why I feel things I shouldn’t.”
She swallowed against the sudden dryness in her mouth. “Like?”
“Like guilt for putting you in this position. Like wanting to keep you safe for more reasons than just because I’ll go evil if I don’t. Like lust that makes me want to throw you down and take you until we’re both too tired to move. And like I’m a fucking idiot for feeling all of that.”
Her mouth worked, but nothing came out. And Limos and Thanatos were still staring. Fortunately, a blond man materialized in the room and rescued them all from a whole lot of awkwardness. Cara thought she must be getting used to the weirdness, because she barely even blinked. Nope, she was just thankful for his timing.
Limos squealed in delight and threw herself into his arms. The man’s grin lit up the entire room. And was he… glowing?
“Who is he?”
“Reaver.” Ares raised his hand in greeting. “He’s an angel.”
“Fallen?”
“Nope. A real live Heavenly angel.”
Well, there was something you didn’t see every day. She wasn’t sure what she expected an angel to look like, but she’d always pictured them wearing white. Not Reaver. He looked as if he’d stepped out of a modeling shoot for GQ. His black slacks and gray shirt couldn’t fit better over broad shoulders that tapered to a slim waist and long legs, and he sported a gold watch that even from here looked as if it cost more money than she’d made in her entire life.