Shut yore gob, said he, which wasn't very sporty!
"So I gave him such a smack I laid him low,
I could see that his ould life was fast a-fadin',
He said, take me off this road, call me friends an' have me towed ...
an' say you'll never strike a young haremaiden!"
Maudie kept a straight face, commenting, "Dreadfully sad tale, wot? So that's why you had to give up fightin'. Hmmmm. Er, I say, chaps, before we drop off to sleep, what's the jolly old plan for tomorrow? Always supposin' we have a plan, wot!"
Barbowla levered himself up on his rudder. "Well o'
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course we have, beauty, the plan's to get to Redwall, safe'n'sound in one piece. Right, Lug?"
The Guosim Log a Log was already half-asleep, he muttered drowsily, "Sleep first, plan tommorer!"
Everybeast was in agreement, except Rangval the Rogue. He was up on his paws, pacing and gesticulating. "Shure, an' is it a plan yore after? Faith, me lucky bhoyos, look no further than meself, aren't I the grandest ould planner ye ever fell over on a day's march!"
Maudie stifled a yawn politely. "Carry on, old thing, the cave floor is yours, what super wheeze have you come up with, wot?"
Rangval gave up pacing, he sat down sulkily. "Ah, ye can go an' boil yore dozy tails for all I care. Saved ye from Kurdly an' his army, didn't I, brought yez all here unscathed. Hah, an' that's all the thanks I gets for me efforts. Here I am, tryin' to help ye, an' yore all yawnin', snorin' an' layin' round like a pile o' fractured frogs. Well, I'll keep meself to meself, thank ye kindly, an' you can all go an' pickle yore ears an' boil yore bums, so there. From now on me lips are sealed!"
Maudie was immediately sorry about their treatment of Rangval. Shaking Luglug and Barbowla into wakefulness, she tried to remedy the situation. "Good grief, sah, please accept our profuse apologies. Confound us for our atrocious bad manners, we never intended hurtin' your feelings. Moreover we are very grateful for what you've done so blinkin' far. In fact, we're all bloomin' ears, please carry on with your excellent scheme, ain't that right, chaps?"
Luglug and Barbowla agreed hastily.
"Right, matey, go on, I'm dyin' to 'ear yore plan!"
"Aye, it'll prob'ly be better'n anythin' we'd think up!"
The change in Rangval was like the sun coming from behind a cloud, he beamed cheerfully at them. "Haharr, wait'll ye hear this, me fine, furry friends. Now, wot ye don't know is that we're only a good day's march from the Abbey, by a secret path known only to meself. But first
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we'll have t'get rid o' those ould boats, huh, can't be carryin' them along with us."
"Whaaaaat? Get rid of my logboats? Never!"
Rangval held up his paws, chuckling at Luglug's reaction. "Ah, shure I don't mean get rid of 'em altogether, ye'll get 'em back easy enough when the time comes. But we've got to travel light. By the mornin' Gruntan Kurdly'll have scouts out all o'er the neighbourhood, searchin' for us an' the boats. He'll be lookin' to the streams an' waterways, but we'll be nowhere near 'em."
The shrew chieftain's face was the picture of misery. "But where'll my six logboats be?"
Rangval patted the Guosim shrew's back. "Not t'worry, me ould tater, they'll be no more'n a paddle's length from where ye now stand. See this." The squirrel went to the cave's north wall, suddenly shouting, "Now close yore eyes tight, go on, close 'em!" They did as he ordered, there was a minute scraping sound, then Rangval called out, "Ye can open 'em now!"
Rangval was gone, vanished into thin air.
Maudie rubbed her eyes in disbelief. "Great seasons, where's the blighter got to, wot?"
Rangval's echoing laugh boomed around the cavern. "Ah shure, I'm right here, me darlin'!" He reappeared, seeming to walk straight out of the wall. They hurried to his side as he revealed all. "It's another small cave behind this 'un, see this crack in the rock? Well, ye just pull on it, like so." The whole rock seemed to move slightly, leaving enough room for Rangval to use as a doorway. "An' that, me ould Luglug, is where we'll hide yore boats. Aye, an' all the other tackle, too, cookin' pots, an' the like. We need t'cover a lot o' ground fast in the mornin', so we'll be trav-ellin' light."
Maudie nodded. "I see, an' I take it you'll be comin' to Redwall with us?"
The roguish squirrel raised his eyebrows. "I take it ye've
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never tasted Redwall vittles, or you wouldn't be askin' such a foolish ould question. I'm with ye every step o' the way, me beauty, I wouldn't miss the chance of nourishin' me fine body with the good Redwall Abbey cookin'. Right, let's get everythin' stowed into the small cave, ready for an early start when day breaks."
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20
Out in the woodlands, smoke billowed into the night, heavy smoke, thick and greasy. It came from wet, rotten vegetation, which had been piled onto a big fire. Hornets and wasps would not venture into the befugged area. Coughing, spitting, sneezing and constantly mopping at their eyes, Gruntan Kurdly and his Brownrats crouched around ten of these fires. None of them even resembled Brownrats. Everybeast who had lived through the stinging attack was heavily coated in greeny-black marsh mud.
Laggle, the old female healer, staggered about, dispensing advice. "Smear it on, thick as ye can, then leave it. No matter 'ow much it itches or stings, leave it. Tomorrer, when that scum an' ooze hardens up wid the sunlight, it'll peel off, an' bring all the stings out along with it."
Gruntan had missed most of the body stings by staying submerged in the stream, though his head was swollen and lumpy, where the wasps and hornets had attacked it. Stringle looked for all the world like a rat sculpture in mud, with holes for his eyes, nostrils and mouth.
Gruntan moved his head in Stringle's direction, slowly and painfully, he winced as he spoke. "Mim a thormem joo bikkupa pakth."
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Stringle scraped some mud from his ears. "Wot was that, Boss?"
Gruntan huffed irately. "A thed, joo bikkup pakth mim a thormem, thoon adda blite!"
Not wanting to anger his boss further, Stringle whispered to old Laggle the healer, "Do ye think the wasps got down his ears an' stung 'im in the brains? 'E ain't makin' sense!"
Laggle waddled over to Gruntan, she tapped his chin. "Open yer mouth ... wide."
Gruntan narrowed his already swollen eyes. "Mopera-mouff, fworra doodad form?"
The old healer was a no-nonsense type, she began prising his mouth open. "I said open yore mouth, Kurdly, yore talkin' rubbish, an' I want t'see why." Laggle took a swift peek inside his mouth, blanched at the odour of his breath, then gave her diagnosis. "Hah, no wonder ye can't talk proper, yore tongue's been stung, about nine or ten times I'd say, by the blisters on it!"
Gruntan touched a paw to his tongue, and winced again. "Me thongueth beed thtunged by d'wopth!"
Laggle shook her head resignedly. "That's wot I just said! Now, wot did ye want t'say to Stringle?"
Gruntan made an effort to speak clearly; it failed. "A thode hib doo bikkupa shooth pakth imma thormem!"
Fortunately, Laggle understood, she translated to Stringle. "He sez 'e told you to pick up the sh'ews tracks, in the mornin'."
The mud statue that was Stringle nodded forlornly. "Un-nerstood, Boss!" He murmured miserably to Laggle, "Huh, that's if'n I'm still alive at dawn!"
Gruntan stirred the fire with a spear, causing fresh billows of stinking smoke to set everybeast hacking and coughing painfully. He crouched low, rubbing both eyes, and muttering darkly. "Wheb I gedd dode lobgoats I'll bake dode shooth thcreeb f'berthy ho yeth, h'l bakem thnoddy!"
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Noggo nudged his scout companion, Biklo. "Wot did the boss say just then?"
Biklo shrugged. "I dunno, but he'll bring bad luck on us all, usin' language like that, mate!"
Noggo licked mud from his muzzle tip, and spat distastefully. "Bring bad luck, does that mean we've been havin' good luck so far?"
The peace and comfort of the hill cavern was broken by Rangval the Rogue. Dawn had just broken when he marched in briskly. "Top o' the mornin' to ye all, the sun's puttin' on a grand show out there. 'Tis too fine a day t'be snorin' an snoozin', right, Maudie, me darlin'?"