She agreed, tapping gently on her glass to signal it was empty. She felt a bit lightheaded, but relaxed.
"I wasn't even able to visit the plant, you know, during all this time. I am sure that I'll understand more once I see the plant. It took the client's intervention to make it happen, but I am finally going there next week."
"Dr. Barnaby stepped in?"
"Yes, he put out a memo stating that all executive new hires should tour the plant and fully understand the business. Nicely done; I finally get to see what's going on out there."
"How are we doing on self-doubt, then?" Steve asked.
"Check!" Alex laughed. "Let's order dessert." She opened the menu. "Oh, this is what I want, Depraved Ice Cream!"
"Are you sure?" Steve asked. "It's loaded with alcohol."
"Bring it on," she laughed, slurring a bit.
The ice cream was an unbelievable treat. Vanilla ice cream covered in chocolate syrup, swimming in the finest Courvoisier cognac. The cognac, poured over the ice cream right before it was served, caused some of the ice cream to melt, creating an unbelievable palate delight.
Steve had ordered an Unchaste Tiramisu, exquisite, yet no alcohol included.
"It's a shame you're not trying this," Alex said, pointing at her ice cream.
"Someone has to drive, you know. What's left on our list?"
She suddenly became sad. Steve noticed and refocused.
"Fear. I am so goddamn afraid and can't seem to grow out of it. Someone yells at me, my knees are shaking. Since last weekend, my heart stops every time I see a police car. I hear sirens at night, I can't fall asleep. I don't feel safe in my own home anymore. It's pathetic… I know I'm supposed to be this fearless, bold, secret agent of sorts, but by the time I get out of that building, I am wiped out. Everything scares me… what if someone figures out I have a clone laptop? What if the fact that I see other peoples' email messages surfaces? And I'm not afraid just for me or my safety… I'm afraid of letting everyone down — Dr. Barnaby, Tom, you…"
A few moments of silence passed. Tears started flooding her eyes.
"You know, fear is an inherited mechanism of defense, ancestrally built to steer us away from trouble. You should be scared of being caught with two laptops. That prevents you from being careless, hence keeping you from being caught. Fear is the means through which your body helps you deal with all this. The issue is what we do about our fear, how we handle it, and how we use our fear to make us better at what we do."
"I get it." Tears were running down her cheeks, but she didn't mind.
"The questions I have for you are these: What do you want to do? Do you want to pull out?"
"Absolutely not," she said, sounding determined. "I have to do this, no matter how scared I am. I'll be all right… I just wish I could feel safe again, just for a few hours, so I can rest. I need to rest."
Steve hesitated for a split second, studying her, and then stood up.
"I think I can take make that happen. Let's go."
"Where?"
"My place. We need to change cars."
…62
Vincent Moran turned to the last page in his portfolio.
"And finally tonight, a significantly bad week for NanoLance, whose decline continues at an accelerated pace amid the swarm of drone scandals. While details are still owed to the public by the US military authorities, fewer investors are confident that these details will clear NanoLance's battered reputation and restore its once impressive fame and fortune. NNLC gave 3.18 percent more in cumulative losses this past week, closing the day today at $80.82 per share. Those investors still hanging on to their NanoLance shares are betting their money on the unlikely turnaround of the company as being the only way they could recover the significant losses they have incurred in the past month.
"From Money Markets Review Late Edition, this is Vincent Moran, wishing you a fortunate day."
…63
She hated to admit it, but she was mostly out of it, falling asleep just seconds after each sentence that Steve said. She could barely remember anything from the drive, since they left the restaurant. They drove by Steve's place; she wasn't sure how long that took or where Steve lived. She had slept the whole way. He carried her from one car to the other. She wasn't that drunk… She was just immensely tired. She needed to explain that.
"You know, I'm not that drunk," she said, half asleep.
"Uh-uh," Steve said, pulling out of his driveway. "That's what they all say."
"Ugh… Not fair… I'll prove it to you. I'm still alert. Why did we change cars?"
"I don't know, you tell me," Steve chuckled.
"Now you want me to observe stuff, right?"
"Right. It's a long drive, and we need a topic for conversation."
"How long?"
"An hour and a half."
"Understated?"
"Nope."
"Where are we going? You never told me."
"Up in the mountains. I have a cabin there. It's the safest place on Earth."
"Oh." She desperately tried to wake up so she could process the information. No good. Her brain simply refused to operate.
"Did you drug me?"
"What? No," he laughed. "You must have me confused with the coworkers from your other job."
"I've never been so tired," she said, slurring her speech and yawning.
"It's because you finally feel safe after a long period of non-stop stress. Your body is claiming its toll. You've been running on adrenaline for a while, depriving your body of the deep sleep and relaxation it needs to rest properly and recharge. Here, in the car with me, you know there's nothing much that can happen to you, so you're finally stepping out of your constant state of hypervigilance."
"So, you know I am not that drunk, right? That's all I care about right now. The rest you can explain to me again tomorrow, 'cause I won't remember much."
"Yes, I know you're not that drunk."
Alex could hear the smile in his voice, despite the darkness that surrounded them. Interstate 8 was quiet at that time of night, as they headed toward the mountains. She continued to battle her sleepiness.
"Why did we change cars?"
"What can you tell me about the car we're in?"
"It's an SUV?"
"Yes, more suited for a ride to my cabin on unpaved roads than the BMW, wouldn't you agree?"
"Yes," she sighed, closing her eyes and falling asleep instantly.
"Hey, we're driving by the plant," he said, a few minutes later.
"Huh?" She tried to keep her eyes open.
"Yep, we're driving through Alpine." He briefly looked her way. Her eyes were closed. "Ah, go back to sleep."
She had no idea when they got there. At some point, she felt the road had become somewhat bumpy, but this car was just as comfortable as the other one. She remembered thinking that they should be getting close, once they left the highway. Then she fell right back to sleep.
Somewhere between her blurry dreams, they arrived at the cabin. Steve carried her inside, where a dim light was on and an immense black dog was waiting in the doorway. The cabin was chilly. Steve took her to a sofa in front of a fireplace and laid her down. Minutes later, a nice little fire was casting shadows on the walls. The dog was lying at her feet. After a while longer, she woke up to see she was cuddled with that enormous dog, on the extended sectional couch, covered with a blanket that dissipated a strong cedar scent.