Keep it together! I shout at myself. Gotta stay professional. And professional me knows that these two sound amazing together and the future of this band just changed radically for the better.
So I get my phone and post:
MoonflowerAM @catherinefornevr 3s
WHOA. Caleb and Vaclass="underline" Mount Hope’s Lennon and McCartney? #dangerheart #swoonalert #canthearoverthescreamingfans
They transition into what seems to be a bridge, but a wicked scream of feedback explodes from Jon’s amp. Everything crashes to a halt.
“Shit, sorry.” Jon bends over his pedal board. “I just gotta rearrange the chain.”
Val shakes her head. “You don’t need pedals to rock,” she says.
Jon looks up and replies in a surly, Liam Neeson–style Irish accent: “I’ll not have yer insolence, Miss Valerie.”
Val smiles at this, sort of. I begrudgingly take note of this, too. Val is going to be an ally in keeping Jon’s sci-fi-sound tendencies in check.
“How was that harmony?” Caleb asks Val. He sounds uncertain, like he wants to be sure she liked it.
“Pretty close,” she says. “Maybe a little too parallel in spots.”
“Ah,” says Caleb, apparently understanding what she means. “So a little more counter movement.”
“I think so? Tone was good, though.”
“The sort of distant thing?”
“Exactly. I’m the soft. You bring the edge.”
“Cool. Got it.”
I listen to this, an instant shorthand between them, and it makes me burn.
“So, what did you think?” I find Caleb looking at me. I frown, trying to say to him, that’s a question for private, and the fact that he’s asked in public means there’s only one answer he wants from me.
I could be mad about this, I could tuck it away to talk about with him later, but, really, I know that what’s happening here is serendipitous and perfect. “It’s totally going to work.”
Val picks up the tunes fast and adds another of hers to the mix, and practice is pretty great. I sit on the couch soaking it in, and whenever I need to take my mind off Val I attend to band business: posting candids to Pinboard, updating the BandSpace forum which right now only has three fans but should grow, sending the band’s updated set list to my blogger friend Bronyfriendkillkill who’s making photo collages inspired by the song titles. I also email Blaire Nolan, a talented filmmaker in the junior class about shooting a video, which reminds me that we need to talk about that as a band.
At the next song break, I bring it up. “Caleb, did you guys think any more about a single for the video?”
“Oh,” he says, “yeah, well”—he glances at Val even though I feel like she shouldn’t get a say, but then I remind myself that if she’s going to be in this, she should—“we were thinking that ‘Knew You Before’ would be good.”
Val thinks. Nods. “That’s a good one.”
“Did you show them the other one?” I ask Caleb.
“Oh, er, no.” Of course he knows what song I mean.
“What other one?” asks Matt.
“Just this song . . . ,” says Caleb.
“It’s called ‘On My Sleeve,’” I say. “It’s the first song I heard Caleb play.”
I can see Caleb’s nerves tightening up. It still surprises me that he gets shy. “It’s not ready,” he says.
“Liar. It’s more than ready.”
“Don’t get shy now, C.D.,” says Val. Really? She’s shortening his name after an hour? “I didn’t drive through the traffic vortex of hell to have you wuss out on your secret hit.”
“It’s not a se—”
“PLAY IT,” we all say.
“Okay, fine.” Caleb sighs but it’s just theatrics. He moves the capo up the neck of his acoustic, and I see his fingers fidgeting in a way that they haven’t up until now. He sits down on his amp and takes a minute to adjust the mic. Everything about how he’s moving says he’s nervous.
“Ready?” He seems to be asking himself, and then he takes a deep breath and starts to strum slow chords, his acoustic ringing. Despite the thump of drums invading through all the walls, the acoustic seems to create a delicate balloon of space, almost more captivating in its simple metallic jangle than when the whole band is in.
He glances up. “It’s called ‘On My Sleeve.’”
He sings:
You never knew what you left behind
Never cared to come back
No matter how much light shined on you
You took it with you into the black
He’s far off inside when he sings this, eyes closed or checking the chords. Every once in a while he looks up, and it almost looks like he’s making sure of where he is. And then once he’s sure of time and space, he’s gone again.
Did you know what you were missing?
Did you know I never knew?
Sunday afternoons, fights we could have had
Could I have saved you?
Would you be here . . .
But now I wear you on my sleeve
Always waking from a silly dream
Where I find you, alive and well
And your smile erases all the hell
I never knew was . . . missing
As the chords come back around, Jon begins to spin a spiderweb of silken guitar notes that feel breeze blown. Matt makes the kick drum pulse on each quarter note, and starts a chimey pattern on the open hi-hat and cymbal. Val makes the bass roll like thick fluid. They are all eyes closed, heads down, feet tapping, searching, finding . . .
As Caleb hits the chorus again, I feel like I unstick, gravity suspended.
MoonflowerAM @catherinefornevr 1s
Can’t . . . breathe . . . #dangerheart #O #M #G
Matt moves to the toms, adds the snare. Jon’s notes make a whirlwind around us. Val’s bass starts to sprint. Caleb, head up but with eyes still closed, starts to sing high ooohs, fragile and chipped, like leaves somersaulting over frosted grass. This song is an autumn dawn, the air crisp and scented with decay, the light angled and faint.
They create this huge sound, we are all in it, and finally Caleb’s eyes open; he checks with everyone, and they end on a huge unison ringing chord. As it fades away, they trade glances. Everyone knows.
“Dude . . . ,” breathes Jon. “I can’t wait to see those BandSpace girls freak out about that.”
“It’s good,” says Val. “Really, annoyingly good.”
“Thanks,” says Caleb.
“That’s the single,” I say. “I mean, right?”
Caleb eyes me seriously. “I still have a hard time imagining playing that in front of a bunch of our drunk classmates.”
“Can you imagine playing it in front of ten thousand screaming fans?” asks Jon.
Caleb chuckles. “Yeah. That’s easy.”
I hear Val sigh. “‘On My Sleeve’ it is. Are we done?” She drops to her knees to put her bass in its case. “I gotta go. It’s a long way back down south for me.”