My fingers itch to reach out and comfort him but I stop myself. It’s probably the last thing he wanted.
“Mason, I—”
“Please, Lindsey, not now. What happened wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you. But I just need a minute. I’ll be back, okay?”
He cuts me off as he rises from his seat to kiss me on the check. His lips feel so soft on my skin but the fleeting relief is short-lived as he heads toward the exit, his heavy footsteps a crushing blow.
Slowly, my life begins unraveling for the second time. Only this time, it unravels to the point every piece of me separates from the rest. I’m lost, on a journey with no map to guide me home. Where is home now? Home became the warmth of Mason’s arms, home is hearing Charlotte’s laughter.
Today I shared one piece of my story, and I’ve gained nothing but a broken heart.
Doctors spoke, nurses cared.
Bruises faded, stitches healed.
Hours passed, turning into days.
But the pain never dulled, because he never came back.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Lindsey
A small part of me filled with hope I’d never wished for before. It convinced me I could be a woman deserving of Mason’s love. Now I curse the ridiculousness of the idea, because all hope became lost when I saw the disgust in his eyes.
“How’d I not see it sooner? I should have. Now when I think about it, it all kind of makes sense. I never knew where you fit in to the chaos. But now I get it.”
I freeze in my spot on the rooftop. I soak up the gravelly sound I’ve missed so much. It’d only been days but it had been days too long. And now he’s figured it out. It was only a matter of time. He’s a cop. I’m surprised it took him this long.
I turn around and my heart skips. He’s standing at the door leading back into my building, with hurt in his eyes. I take in his hair. It’s a little messier than usual, just like the shadow on his face is longer. He’s in one of his button-up black work shirts that’s tight around his shoulders and biceps, and today, no tie.
My insides somersault and I stand on shaky legs. “Please, Mase, let me explain myself. You left the other day before I had a chance to finish telling you everything. Please. There’s so much more I had to say. I’m so sorry.” I walk around the outdoor setting toward him, needing closeness with him to somehow convince him to listen to me. My stomach rebels even the thought of telling him more because it means he’d never forgive me. But he can’t leave now without knowing it all, and that means telling him everything, from the very beginning. While he may never understand, I have to try, for myself and for him. I’ve given him space. I hadn’t gone to him; he’d come to me. That has to mean he wanted answers.
Mason backs away from me, putting his hand up to stop me from getting closer. “You’re sorry? About what happened with Charlotte, or sorry because I finally figured you out?”
I shake my head. “You don’t understand. Let me tell you the whole story.”
The hurt, the betrayal, it pours out of him as I watch the wheels turn in his head. As if everything is becoming crystal clear, the confusion twisting up his thoughts these past few months leaves.
“Why should I, Lindsey? What con are you playing at now?”
His words cut deep. How could he possibly think I’d do that to him, to Charlotte, to us?
I stand up straighter and look him in the eyes, willing strength to stay with me for this. I breathe in courage and give it to him raw. “The truth, the most painful play there is.”
I hold his stare and watch his body heave. He rubs the back of his neck, glancing away.
I thought Mason could see the real me, not the one everybody else did. I made the mistake of believing his feelings for me were stronger than the weight of my truths. And nothing could prepare my soul for the pulverizing effect Mason’s anguish has on me.
He jerks his head back and he glares at me with cold, hard eyes. “Has anything out of your mouth ever been the truth? ‘Cause right now, I’m having serious doubts about whether or not I’ve ever actually meant a thing to you. What did you want from me?”
My heart sinks.
I lower my eyes and whisper, “Only your heart. It’s all I wanted. I just didn’t realize it until it was too late.”
A tsunami of tears build, ready to crash and destroy me with one tidal wave.
“It doesn’t matter, Lindsey. It’s done now. One woman kept a secret from me for years and you’ve gone and done the same. Difference is, she never broke my heart because she never had it to begin with. You got it and tore it to shreds, nearly taking my daughter along with you. Charlotte could have been hurt, killed, all because you didn’t trust me enough to tell me something you should have told me the minute we were solid, the minute we became a family.”
I hear him sniff and mutter, “Cuts deeper than anything else.”
He throws a case file on the table. No photo, no name.
I pick up the file in my shaky hands and open up a life I long to forget. There it is on paper, photos of a woman, none quite clear, always shadowed, the woman always unrecognizable, disguised by beauty. Police reports are scattered throughout. Crime scene photos, bank account lists marked with colorful highlighted lines. Countless faces of corrupt businessmen, women, pimps, murderers –you name it, they are there, buried in the file.
I stand still, staring at the paperwork while my mind is miles away. I wait for him to speak.
“This woman, she’s practically a myth around New York City police precincts. Mostly because no one’s actually ever got a good look at her in a photo, let alone in reality. She’s quick. She’s always changing appearance, credentials. No one’s ever even come close to knowing who the hell she is. She’s a ghost.”
I cringe.
“She’s got a type though, and no one seems to take too much notice because it seems she’s always doing us a favor. Drug dealers, dirty millionaires. Traffickers, she only ever takes out the bad guys. ”
“Mason,” I cut in, preparing to explain myself.
“Admit it,” he quips, his tone low.
I cough, swallowing through the blockage clogging up my throat. “I can’t do that.”
He comes close, too close. My heart pumps fast and the blood in my veins heats.
His breath touches my skin.
“Why not, Lindsey?” he asks, stepping closer to me. “Make it too real for you?”
I shake my head. “I won’t willingly put the handcuffs on myself. You do what you have to, Mason.” I hold strong, clutching my sides so I don’t reach for him. Right now, we aren’t lovers arguing. We’re cop and criminal waiting for each other’s next move.
He frowns deeply and his lips tighten into a hard line. He stands up tall, his body so close to mine I can feel the heat radiating off him, and when he looks down at me, his gaze flickers to my parted lips before moving back up to my eyes. “I should arrest you.”
“Then do it.”
Metal grazes my skin as I stare at him. Reality punches me in the gut. He’s arresting me.
My hair is swept to the side, lips lightly touch my ear and a second later, Mason whispers in my ear.
“Wasn’t your fault what happened the day in the park. I do want you to know that. But I can’t risk my family on a love I don’t know actually exists.”
A lone tear sears my cheek with a new kind of pain, the pain of losing the love of my life, the other half of me that until this moment, I didn’t know I needed so badly.
“Goodbye, sweetheart,” he whispers before pulling back, the dullness in his eyes collapsing my world in the blink of an eye, shattering my tattered heart along with it.