I grabbed his T-shirt off the floor and slipped it over my head before I pulled on a pair of jean shorts. I smiled as I thought about telling him. The way he’d put his hand on my stomach last night as he mentioned kids warmed my heart.
Oh shit. He said “someday,” meaning…not right now. What if he freaks out about it? He was just getting used to the idea of us, and now, I’m going to throw a baby into it.
I shook my head and cleared my thoughts. Amanda’s right. I need to do this.
I ran downstairs and skidded to a stop. Fuck! My car is at Josh’s parents’ house.
Neither of us had given a second thought about leaving my car behind when we headed to the dance hall yesterday. I glanced over and saw my dad’s car keys hanging up next to the back door. Although I had kept my dad’s Lexus, I would only drive it every now and then. Smiling, I walked up and grabbed the keys.
“Okay, Daddy, let’s go tell Josh he’s gonna be a father.”
I sat there, bouncing my knee up and down, as I ran my hands along the thighs of my jeans.
“Brad, just take a deep breath. She’s going to come,” Bryan said as he smiled.
“My parents are not going to be here, right? My fucking mother is the cause of all this.”
Bryan let out a laugh. “Brad, you’re a grown man. You made the choice to take drugs.”
I looked down at the ground. I knew he was right, but at this moment, I hated my mother. She had constantly pushed Amanda and me, and she was the reason Amanda and I had fought in the first place.
“I know what you’re thinking, Brad. Yes, your mother played a big role in all of this, but you have a decision to make right now. Do you continue to let your mother control your world? Or will you do what you wanted to do when you first met Amanda?”
Just then, I heard her voice, and I jumped up. The door opened, and Amanda walked in. For a brief moment, it almost looked like she was going to run into my arms. As I glanced down at her stomach, my heart started pounding. She was a lot bigger. I looked back up into her eyes, and I smiled. The look she gave me was blank, like she had nothing left to give. Her eyes were bloodshot, so I knew she must have been crying. This couldn’t be good for her or the baby.
Bryan got up, walked over to Amanda, and shook her hand. “Amanda. It’s a pleasure,” he said as he gestured for her to take a seat.
“Bryan, the pleasure is mine.”
The moment she spoke, her voice ran through my whole body. She looked over at me and gave me a weak smile before sitting down across from me. Bryan had only put three chairs in the room, and he’d purposely placed Amanda’s chair across from me.
“You look breathtaking. You’re getting bigger,” I said as I smiled.
She placed her hands on her stomach and nodded. “Yeah, she’s been moving around a lot more lately.”
My heart dropped into my stomach, and I felt like I was going to throw up. She found out the sex of the baby without me. I tried to talk, but nothing would come out. I cleared my throat. “You, um…you found out the sex of the baby?” I felt tears building in my eyes.
Her eyes snapped up and met mine. “No! I would never…I mean...” She took a deep breath and looked away from me. “I was waiting to see if you could there when I have the next sonogram. Well, I mean, I was going to ask you today if you wanted to be there.”
I smiled, and my eyes captured hers. “Yes. More than anything, I want to be there.”
She nodded and attempted to smile. “Okay. Well, it’ll be just a few more weeks, and then we’ll know.”
Bryan cleared his throat and then began our session. He talked about how well my treatment was going, how he thought I might be able to finish up the program a few weeks early, and how I should handle the situation with my mother. I looked at Amanda as Bryan started talking about my mom. Amanda began moving around in her seat.
“Brad, would you like to tell Amanda what we talked about?”
“Um…well, Bryan and I talked about how I needed to tell you everything. I haven’t told you that Michele has been blackmailing me the last few months.”
Amanda’s body looked like it was shaking. “Why?”
“Money. She just wants money from me.”
She took a deep breath and looked into my eyes. “What is she blackmailing you with?”
“A video.”
“Oh. My. God. You didn’t…you didn’t sleep with her, did you?”
“What? God no, Amanda. I already told you that I just kissed her, but she…she, um...she had a camera. She recorded me taking the drugs, and then…me, um—”
“You kissing her? You touching a woman who wasn’t your wife while you were higher than a kite?” Amanda shouted at me as she stood up.
“Amanda, why don’t you sit and calm down? It’s not good for you or the baby to get so upset,” Bryan said.
Amanda just turned and looked at Bryan. “Fine.” She sat back down and put her hands on her stomach as she frowned.
“What’s wrong? I jumped up and went over to her.
She stood up and moved away from me. “Don’t touch me!”
“What?” I almost fell to my knees.
“Just don’t touch me, Brad. I can’t stand the thought of you touching me right now.”
I looked over at Bryan and then back at Amanda. “Amanda, please don’t say that, baby.”
“Don’t call me baby.”
My heart started pounding in my chest. “Amanda…god, please don’t do this.”
“Why don’t we all just sit back down? Amanda, Brad wanted to say some more things to you.”
Amanda took a seat as she gave Bryan a dirty look.
I almost wanted to laugh. My feisty girl.
She looked over at me and raised her eyebrow, signaling for me to get on with it.
I cleared my throat, looking first at Bryan and then back at Amanda. “Well, first off, I know that asking for your forgiveness is a lot, but—”
“You think?”
I took a deep breath. “I’m ready to get down on my knees and beg you to please forgive me. My life is nothing without you. I love you so much, and it absolutely kills me that I’ve hurt you. I promise you…if you can find it in your heart to forgive me…I promise, baby, I’ll do everything in my power to make it up to you every single day for the rest of our lives. I’ll be the best husband and father I can be. I would lay down my life for you.”
Her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head. “I gave up my dreams for you. I became something I wasn’t just to make you happy, so you could keep your goddamn parents happy. Do you know what it’s like to walk into your college classroom pregnant and have everyone stare at you? Do you know what it’s like to tell your parents that you’re leaving your husband because he’s taking drugs? That he flipped out on you one night and told you to give up the baby? Oh, and then to say…by the way, Mom and Dad, the night I got pregnant, my husband forced his high-ass self on me!”
I was doing everything I could to keep from crying.
Bryan cleared his throat. “Amanda, you have to know that he was not the Brad you met and fell in love with.”
“At this very moment, I have to say no…I can’t forgive you. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive you for the way you treated me during all those months or for making me go through half this pregnancy by myself because I thought you were no longer in love with me.”
I fell down to my knees and looked up at her. “Please, God, no. Amanda, please don’t give up on me. I’m begging you, please. Baby, I love you more than anything or anyone.”
I saw a tear fall from her eye.
“How does that make you feel, Brad? Do you feel like shit? Do you need a hit to forget all this pain?”
“Amanda!” Bryan said.
“I want you to hurt like how I’ve hurt. I want you to feel the pain I felt when you forced your drunk, high-ass self on me and then left me alone for days.”