“Good-bye, Bryan. Thank you for bringing this out to me,” I said as I tried to give him a smile.
I took a deep breath and got back into my car. I opened the envelope, and I pulled out the CD and put it into my CD player.
Vince Gill’s “I Still Believe in You” began playing, and I instantly started crying. Oh, Brad…oh my god, I love you so much. I slowly opened the letter and tried to read it through my tears.
My dearest Amanda,
No matter how many times I say I’m sorry, I know it will never change the fact that I hurt you. I can never take back the moment I started to use cocaine. When I’m lying in bed at night, I think about how I hurt you and how I left you for days to wonder why I acted the way I did, and all I want to do is just scream.
Bryan once asked me, “If you could go back in time and change one day, would you pick the day you started to use drugs?” I didn’t even think twice about it. I knew what day I would go back to. It would be the day you told my mother you wanted a small wedding outside by the water, and she laughed and said that was nonsense. I saw the hurt in your eyes. That was the moment I gave her control over our lives. The more I pushed you away, the emptier I felt inside. I thought drugs could help me, but I know now that you are the only thing in this world I need to get through anything.
All I can say is that I love you, Amanda. I’ve loved you ever since the first moment I laid my eyes on you. I will do everything in my power to make it up to you. I promise you…I’ll do whatever you need me to do to make you happy again. I just want you and our baby. I want that life we dreamed of the night I asked you to marry me.
I love you, Amanda. I’ll love you until the day I die.
—Brad
I leaned my head back onto my seat and cried hysterically while I listened to the words of the song he’d picked out. When I felt the baby moving, my eyes snapped open.
I won’t give up on him. I won’t give up on us. He needs me now more than ever, and I need him.
I reached for my keys, turned off my car, and got out. After I made my way back into the rehab center, I saw Bryan talking to someone.
“Excuse me, Bryan?”
He looked at me and smiled.
“Can I please talk to my husband?”
“He’s taking a walk on the property. He’s probably down by the pond. It’s a secluded and serene area, and it’s one of his favorite places to sit.”
“Will you show me?”
Bryan walked me outside and down a path. We talked about how Brad’s treatment was going.
“Amanda, I really think with the proper support system, Brad can make a full recovery.”
I smiled, knowing that all we needed was each other and our friends to help us get through this.
Bryan came to a stop and pointed. When I looked over, Brad was sitting on a bench, staring out at the water.
“Thank you, Bryan,” I said as I began heading toward the love of my life.
We are worth fighting for. We can do this together—him, me, and the baby. I tried so hard not to start running.
I stopped right behind him and fought like hell to hold back the tears. “Brad.”
He turned around, and the moment he saw me, he jumped up.
I couldn’t think of what to say to let him know I wouldn’t abandon him. Then, it hit me.
He just needs to hear six simple words. “I love you and forgive you.” I broke down and started crying.
He shook his head, and I saw the tears falling from his eyes. When he reached out, I slammed myself into him and hugged him. He pulled away and grabbed my face with his hands. Taking my lips with his, he kissed me as if it were our first kiss, and I let out a moan.
As our lips parted, I said, “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I love you, Amanda. I love you so, so much, and I’m so sorry…” He trailed off as he began crying.
I took his hand and placed it on my stomach, and the moment he touched me, the baby gave a big kick.
Brad cried harder as he fell to his knees. He put his face right up to my stomach. “I’m so sorry. Oh god, I’m so sorry.”
I ran my hands through his hair as he calmed himself down and started talking to our baby. My heart was beating so fast, and I couldn’t believe how much she was moving around. She knew it, too…
Your daddy is finally back, baby girl.
I walked into my apartment and looked around. Almost everything was packed up and ready to be moved. I glanced to the counter and saw a picture of Heather and me. I went over, picked it up, and smiled. In the photo, Heather was sitting on my lap, and we were both laughing. It looked like we were out in the country—maybe at Gunner’s or Jeff’s place.
I sucked in a deep breath, tucked the picture under my arm, and sent Heather a text message, letting her know I was at the apartment. I wanted to hurry, so I could get back to her.
When I heard a knock on the door, I let out a small laugh, thinking it was Heather. She must be feeling the same way I am. I hadn’t wanted to leave her this morning.
I started to open the door as I laughed. “You couldn’t stay away either, could…uh…Victoria?”
Victoria was standing in front of me. I eyed her up and down. She looked terrible.
“Is everything okay?” I noticed the black eye she had from Ari knocking the shit out of her.
She was holding a giant bottle of water.
“You thirsty?” I asked.
She glanced down at the water and smiled. “Something like that. Do you mind if I come in? I’ve been waiting for you to get here.” She pushed past me and walked into the apartment.
What the hell does she mean she’s been waiting for me? “Um…listen, Victoria, I don’t think it’s such a great idea for you to be here. I mean, with everything that has happened, it’s probably best if you just leave.”
She spun around. “What’s wrong, Josh? Scared by a little temptation?”
I rolled my eyes as I walked by her. “No. I’m just saying…I don’t think we really have anything left to talk about, do you?”
She opened the water bottle and lifted it to take a drink. As I turned around to set the picture down on the counter, I heard Tori yell.
“Son of a bitch, look at this!”
I spun around and her light blue shirt was drenched in water. “What the fuck happened?”
“I’m such a klutz. I went to get a drink, and it all poured out on me. Shit! I have to meet my mother in thirty minutes for lunch. Can I borrow a T-shirt and put this in the dryer?”
“Yeah, sure, but I’m not really sure where all my shirts are.”
She smiled and tilted her head. “Thanks! I really appreciate it. Damn, I can’t believe that happened. Be right back.”
I started to move some of the boxes. Then, I pulled out my phone and called my dad.
“Hey, Josh! You at your place or still with Heather?”
“Nah, Heather is running some errands in Fredericksburg, and I’m at my apartment.”
“How is she running errands when her car is here?”
What? “Oh shit! Neither of us thought about that this morning. Ah hell, let me call her real quick. I’ll call you back, Dad.”
“Okay, talk to you later.”
Son of a bitch. I left her stranded.
I was just about to call Heather when there was another knock on my door. I walked over and opened it to see Heather standing there.
“Hey!” she said with a smile.
“Hey, I was just about to call you! My dad said your car is at their house. I thought I left you hanging.”
She started to walk in, but she stopped as she looked past me. “Oh my god…no…”
I turned around to see Victoria. She was wearing nothing but my white button-down shirt with half the buttons undone.