“I had Nate drop him off.” Zach scratched the wiggly black bundle of fur behind the ears, still grinning. Lindsey laughed, remembering how Nate had looked at her the first time she’d met him at the office just a few days ago, like he was keeping some sort of secret.
“What’s his name?” she asked, giggling as the puppy squirmed in her arms, his pink tongue making the rounds of her face some more.
“Argyle.”
She looked up at him and smiled, shaking her head. “Will I ever find a man who pays more attention to me than you do?”
“I doubt it, baby.” He wrapped them both up in his arms, dipping his head down to hers to share in an exuberant puppy tongue bath. “I seriously doubt it.” 146
CHAPTER TEN
If Lindsey had known how good puppies were at licking up tears and giving much-needed comfort, she would have found a way to get one years ago, she decided, nuzzling Argyle’s little belly with her cheek, and pulling the comforter up over both of them. The bed was too big now. She considered, for a moment, sleeping on the couch, but couldn’t bear to be away from Zach’s pillow-it still smelled like him.
That made her sob harder, and the puppy whimpered in sympathy, getting back to work on licking up the salt on her cheeks. The more she thought about those last moments with him, the harder she cried, but she couldn’t seem to stop. The memory was too fresh for her to cut it off-just hours old, the apartment still lingering with his presence, his duffle packed, his uniform blinding white perfection over his muscled frame as he stood at the door, arms around her, both of them silent, the only sound Argyle clamoring at their heels.
“I can drive you,” she said again, but he shook his head.
“Nate’s my ride. Besides, I don’t want to remember you waving goodbye at the airport. And I don’t want you to have to drive home.”
She’d proudly made it that far without tears, but they broke in a flood then, her chin quivering with their force. “I’d be a basket-case.”
“I know.”
The knock at the door startled them both. Zach swore under his breath, pulling her into him and kissing her, the memory of their marathon bedroom session over the weekend still fresh for them both. But she wasn’t thinking about how incredibly good their sex was-and it was-instead, it was all about loving him, and the hole in her heart he would be leaving when he walked out the door. She gave all of herself to him in that kiss, willing herself not to think about the possibility that it might be their last and yet acting as if it just might be.
It was the tears in his eyes as they parted that undid her entirely as he whispered, “I love you.” She didn’t even have the voice to return the words as he picked up his duffle and opened the door, going out quickly without a look back. Argyle yapped at the door after him, until Lindsey collapsed onto the floor, her whole body shaking with her sobs. Then the little black puppy joined the competition and whined and howled right along with her, and she didn’t know who was louder.
She’d made it to the bed, she remembered. She wanted to be as close as possible to the last place they’d been happy together, aware of what was coming, but pushing it off as long as possible. And now…
Now life had to go on without him. She fingered the ring on a chain around her neck-the grocery store ring, which had, indeed, turned her finger green within twenty-four hours. She’d found a chain for it instead, and wouldn’t take it off.
How could she possibly manage her life without Zach? She closed her eyes against the thought. She didn’t know how, exactly, she was going to do it, but there was work, and school, and there was Argyle to take care of. She hugged him close, glad for the warmth and comfort, knowing he needed her as much as she needed him.
After that first week of not eating, forcing herself out of bed, going through the motions, things started to fall into a routine she could live with. It went on that way for a month, at least, work, school, she and Argyle curled up on the couch, sharing Moo Goo Gai Pan out of the carton. She couldn’t imagine that Puppy Chow was anywhere near the complete nutrition they claimed. And there was a phone call from Zach-just one- before they went under, he said. After that, there would be no contact at all until he was ready to come home.
That, actually, set her back another week, the sound of his voice, the sharp pain in her chest that immediately returned from its usual dull ache. But it was beyond good to talk to him, to whisper what she wanted to do to him-she could hear him squirming, and wondered afterward if their call was monitored, and laughed at the thought. She let Argyle lick the phone and bark at it to say hello, and she told him about her teachers, her classes, how Nate had followed Zach’s instructions quite seriously and was
“keeping an eye on her,” stopping by once a week to check in.
She almost didn’t tell him about her mother-she’d started calling every so often, leaving messages on Zach’s answering machine. Lindsey’s voice wasn’t on it, but somehow her mother had gotten the number and knew she was living there. She just erased them, but she did break down and tell him about the calls.
“When you’re ready,” was all he said. She rolled her eyes and changed the subject.
It was that phone call, really, that pushed her into his closets, going through his things, looking over her shoulder as if he could walk in at any moment. God, she wished he would. She just wanted to find every piece of him she could, and was surprised at the little keepsakes, pictures of his high school graduation-a younger, grinning version of Zach looked at the camera, his arm around a woman who must have been his mother. God, she’d never even met his parents. Hadn’t even asked…
Who was the little boy in the next photo? Was that Zach? She smiled at his camera-grin. Here was the same little boy playing in the sandbox with a little girl with cornrows. Who was she?
God, they knew so little about each other, she thought, sifting through a box of photographs, her heart aching with the knowledge. Things had happened so fast.
Maybe too fast. A picture of a woman on the beach caught her attention-she was stunning, her skin like fine cocoa against the stark white of her bikini. She was looking over her shoulder at the camera, laughing. Lindsey turned it over and read the back: Alicia, the Keys, 2007. Just a year ago.
And she remember the name. Of course she did. She could still hear the woman’s voice on the answering machine: “Hey, sexy man, it’s Alicia, I’m in town for a few days, I’d love to get together…”
Did they? She wondered. The thought stabbed at her heart like a knife and she dropped the photo back into the box as if it were on fire, shoving it back into the closet.
Argyle, who had been way too quiet behind her, had found one of Zach’s shoes and was busily chewing the laces.
“No!” Lindsey reprimanded, snatching it away. “Bad boy!” The puppy cowered, whining at her tone. She sighed, picking him up and apologizing with kisses. “Let’s go for a walk, huh?”
She needed to get out and clear her head.
Alicia called just after she’d sworn to Argyle that she wasn’t going to snoop anymore. Her mother had just called, and Lindsey was sure it was her again and turned up the volume on the episode of Desperate Housewives she was watching, wanting to drown out the sound. Instead, the voice that came from the machine was much younger, and the called was most definitely not for her.
“Hi baby, it’s Alicia. Can you give me a call back? You’ve got my cell number, right? I’ll give it to you just in case…”
Lindsey stared in the direction of the voice, listening to the woman rattle off a phone number. She got up from the sofa in slow motion, going over to the machine and staring at the blinking red light. Her mother’s message was on there-something about getting together and talking. She knew well enough how to erase them. One click would do it.