“Yeah, he’s on his way, but Candace is on the phone. Line two,” he says.
Making my way through the crowd, I run upstairs to take the call in my office where it’s quiet.
“Babe, hey.”
“Hey, I didn’t think you were going to be working this late,” she says, and I feel bad that I’m still stuck up here when all I want is to be home.
I explain everything to her, stressed about the whole situation, as she listens and then let her know that I’ll be heading home in a bit. Hanging up the phone, I start getting my things together, and about five minutes later, Michael walks into my office.
“Shit, that was fast,” I say.
“I was on my way up here when Max called. What’s up? You leaving?” he asks as he stands there watching me.
“Yeah, but we need to talk,” I say as I take a seat, and he follows suit. “I found out today that invoices haven’t been getting paid. Never, in the six years I’ve owned this place, have we missed a payment, and now we’re on COD with one of our vendors.”
“Ryan—”
“Look,” I say, interrupting him. “I’m gonna cut to the chase. This bar is my livelihood, and when shit starts going wrong, then that livelihood is compromised. Feelings aside, I gotta let you go, man. I can’t trust you to handle things up here when I’m not around, and that’s a problem for me.”
“Ryan, man. Come on.”
“Look, my ass is tired. Been up here all day trying to fix your mistakes, and I’m ready to go home,” I tell him as I grab my coat and leave. My stress is through the roof, and I don’t have time to dick around with this guy.
I find Max when I get downstairs.
“Hey, I need to talk to you.”
“What’s going on?” he questions as we step into the back storage room.
“I just fired Michael, so I want you to go up there and oversee him as he packs his shit up. Make sure we get his keys and everything—”
“Hey, I got it covered. No worries.”
“Thanks. I’m getting the hell out of here. I’ll be back in the morning. There’s a stack of papers on top of my filing cabinet. Make sure he signs them before he leaves.”
“Got it.”
I don’t waste any more time, knowing that Max will handle the Michael situation, and I head home to my girl.
Candace and I camped out downstairs with some wine and an old movie when I got home last night. We hadn’t done that in a while, so it was a perfect way to end the stressful day. I did manage to talk to her about trying to come to the bar again. I wasn’t sure if I was pushing too much, but I figured this morning would be a good time since it would only be the two of us. She took me by surprise when she said she would try. I know this isn’t easy for her, and while I’m in the kitchen fixing her a coffee to take with us, I watch her sitting on the couch, wringing her hands together. She’s a nervous wreck. I walk over and hand her the coffee, telling her, “Babe, you don’t have to do this if it’s causing you this much stress.”
“I told you that I would try, so . . . I’ll try.”
Holding my hand out, she takes it and we head to the bar. The morning is cold and the sky is dark with cloud cover. Candace is silent, and I keep my hand on her knee as I pull up and park along the curb in front of the building like I promised her.
When I open her door, she finally snaps out of her zoned-out state and holds my hand as I help her out. We walk inside, and I show her around before I take her back to the stairs.
“My office is up here,” I tell her as I lead her up.
I keep my hold on her hand when I walk into Michael’s office to grab the papers I need. Taking a few steps into his office, she jerks around, stumbling over her feet and into me.
“Babe?”
“I want to go,” she says with her head down, and as I reach around her to quickly grab the file, I see what she saw and kick myself for not thinking beforehand that Michael’s office overlooks the back lot.
I tuck her under my arm as I quickly pull her out and walk her down the hall to my office, tossing the file on my desk, and turning to hold her.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” I say as she shakes under my arms—panicked.
I back us up to the desk and lean against it as I pull her between my legs. She keeps her head on my chest, and I continue rubbing her back, trying to calm her down. She isn’t speaking. I know she’s trying hard to keep herself together, and all of a sudden, being here with her isn’t something I want to be doing anymore. I hate that this was the first place I ever saw her. I hate the visions that are starting to play back through my head.
I hold her, but all I can see is her covered in blood and dirt, lying naked on the ground. My heart rate picks up as the guilt returns. I could have done so many things differently that night. If I would have just gone out there sooner . . .
I focus back on Candace when she lifts her head. Keeping my focus on her before I get too consumed, I ask, “You okay?”
She nods, placing her head back on my chest, saying, “I hate seeing that dumpster.” I hold her closer when she says this because I hate it too. I hate everything about that goddamn night. “It’s weird because I also love it in a messed up way. It’s all I had to focus on.”
“I’m so sorry.” I think about what must have been going through her head, the sheer terror she must have felt, and my stomach begins to knot up.
“When I dream about that night, it’s always taken away from me. There’s nothing to distract me.”
“I wish I knew his name.” I would find him and destroy him if given the chance. I would kill him for everything he took away from her.
She looks up at me and cups my clenched jaw, lifting onto her toes, and planting a kiss on my lips. I pull her into me and take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Being here with her, I’m starting to feel like I’m lying, and the guilt is eating at me the longer we are here. I never thought that deciding not to tell her about who I am would make me feel like it is right now. Deceitful.
I’m trying to keep the memories out of my head, but I can’t help the constant flashes I’m getting each time I close my eyes. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop hearing her pleading screams from that night. It’s a part of her that I’ll always have to bear, but it’ll never even come close to all that she has had to endure.
I shift my thoughts because this is huge for her, and I need her to know that. I tell her how proud I am that she came up here with me, but I can tell she wants to leave, and honestly, so do I.
33
I call Max as I drive to see if he can meet me at the bar after my workout. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to getting things settled at work since I fired Michael a couple weeks ago, and the one person who knows that place inside and out, the one person I trust completely, is Max. It only makes sense to me that he would be someone that I could have complete confidence in, and knowing that he has a baby on the way, he’d be an idiot to not take the opportunity I’m about to offer him.
After a couple hours of lifting and running, I head up to Blur to meet with Max. He’s sitting at the bar, chatting with Mel when I walk in.
“Hey, man. Let’s go to my office,” I say, and he follows me up the stairs.
“So, what’s on your mind?” he asks as we sit down.
“I’m gonna be honest with you here,” I start. “Candace is graduating in a couple of months, and I doubt that she’s gonna be staying here in Seattle.”
“You think you’ll go with her?” he asks.
“I can’t let her go without me, but I can’t let this place fold either,” I tell him. “I know you have a lot going on with Traci, but . . .”
“Look, you know I’ll help out in any way I can.”