As he walks out, Mel comes back over after giving the two of us space to talk.
“Mel,” I sigh out on an exasperated breath.
“You look like you need a drink.”
“When did life get so damn depressing?” I ask her with a slight laugh.
“You’re asking me?” she responds as she hands me a beer. “All I know is, I’m over it.”
Her expression mirrors mine, and I know something is weighing on her.
“Talk to me.”
The place is dead with it being early in the day, so she takes a seat next to me.
“Zane wants a divorce,” she tells me.
“What?”
She nods and says, “Yeah. I got the papers a few days ago.”
“Shit,” I mutter. “I’m sorry.”
When she shrugs her shoulders, she tells me, “We just grew apart, you know? Maybe it was me. Music was always his life; I just never thought that he would make anything big out of it, so I never considered it in our path in life. But that’s not the life I want.”
“So now what?”
“I don’t know,” she mumbles.
Taking a swig of my beer, I say, “Yeah, me neither.”
It’s Friday, and I’m sitting around dreading the call that I asked for. Why do I do this shit to myself? I tried to keep busy by working on some photo editing from a shoot I was hired to do for a portfolio, but my head just wasn’t in it. So now I’m killing the minutes, surfing around on the internet when my cell finally rings, causing a quick drop in my gut.
Seeing Jase’s name on the screen, I take the call that I should have never sought.
“Hey,” I say quietly.
“Hey, man. I just got back to my apartment. Sorry it took so long to call; I had to take Kimber back home.”
“So you got her dropped off?”
“Yeah. She should be boarding now.”
“How was she?” I ask.
“Nervous as expected, but this is what she’s been working so hard for, so I know she’s excited.”
Feeling the welling of sadness, I rush off the phone, needing to just drown in this for a while.
“Thanks for calling, I’ll catch you later,” I tell him before hanging up and leaning back in my desk chair as I stare up at the ceiling.
I’m completely drained, and to finally have the book closed on this may be what I’ve been needing. With her on the other side of the country, maybe I can finally let it go. Let go of the hope that died months ago when I woke up to find her gone. The hope I was determined to keep alive when it was already dead.
Needing to get out of the house. I start heading upstairs to change my clothes for a run, but as soon as I hit the top step, there’s a ringing at my door. I look out the windows and see a cab pulling out of my driveway, and when I go back downstairs to open the door, all that hope comes back to life.
She’s beautiful, even though she’s crying, as she stands on my doorstep.
“What are you doing here? I just got off the phone with Jase. He said he dropped you off at the airport.”
“I can’t go. I’m so sorry. I can’t do it,” she cries and with each word I feel the ever-vacant part of my heart filling up.
“What do you mean you can’t do it?”
“Because . . . I love you too much to leave. And I miss you. And I made a huge mistake by leaving you. I’m so sorry,” she continues to cry, and I don’t even waste a second, pulling her into my arms where she was always meant to be.
“Baby, you didn’t make any mistakes.”
“I did. And I know I hurt you. But, I’m so sorry. I can’t go because I can’t leave you. I don’t want to leave you.”
Pulling her inside and taking her to the couch, I feel the weight of what she’s doing pile on, and tell her, “I can’t let you give up on your dream. I can’t.”
“But, it’s not my dream,” she says in her unwavering confessions. “I was just hanging on to it because I was scared to see that it really wasn’t what I wanted. It’s you. It’s always been you.”
Covering her lips with mine, I hold on to her as she climbs onto my lap, straddling her legs across me, and gives me what I’ve been dying for. I kiss her hard, in disbelief that this is even happening.
“I’ve missed you so much, babe,” I tell her when I pull back and look into her eyes. “You have no fucking idea.”
“I love you. I’m sorry I’ve been so stupid and wasted all this time when all I really wanted was to be here with you.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I fucked up. I hurt you, and you’ll never know how much I regret it.”
“I don’t blame you, Ryan. I did, but I don’t anymore. I just want to be with you.”
Her words mend all that was broken inside of me, and I cling to each one, desperate for this, and tell her, “I don’t ever want to lose you again.”
“You won’t. I’m yours.”
That’s all I need to hear. I don’t give a shit that it took her this long to realize it because I have her.
She’s mine.
This time when I kiss her, I bring her in slow because I intend on taking my time to make up for all that we lost. With her soft lips pressed against mine, I’m taken back to a place where the pain of losing her doesn’t exist. With her hands on my face, I stand, picking her up with me as she loops her legs around me. When I get her upstairs, I lay her down on the bed, needing the smell of her all over my sheets—all over me.
Hovering over her, I slip off my shirt, and when I do, she slowly sits up as I rest back on my heels. I watch as she takes her hand and brushes her fingers along my scar. A scar that doesn’t even amount to the pain I felt when I lost her.
She tilts her head back to look up at me, and I tell her, “I couldn’t breathe without you.”
“I need you.”
And so I give her me, every little piece. She doesn’t even need to ask because I’ve always been hers, even when I tried so hard not to be, to move on and put her in the past. I could never do it because she’s always had me.
Lying on top of her, I press the weight of myself onto her to feel her softness beneath me. She runs her hands from my wrists, up my arms, and to my shoulders before she lets them fall above her head. Comfortable, as if she’s saying ‘have me.’ Taking the hem of her silk top, I slowly slip it off of her body and toss it onto the floor.
Everything about her is familiar, and I need the comfort of her as I use my hands to reacquaint. Sliding them down her neck, over her lace-covered breasts, and down her stomach. Her breathing quickens along with my pulse as I undo her pants and slide them down her legs. God, her legs. After discarding my pants, I return to her, pulling the sheets over us, needy to trap her heat to me. She slips her arms around my neck when I reach around to remove her bra.
The warmth of her naked body with mine, we linger in the moment, touching, kissing, and exploring what we’ve been missing with each other. I’d go through the ache of these past few months all over again just to be with her like this. Nothing compares to this feeling of peace that she’s able to give me. She’s the one who allowed me to find myself, and without her I didn’t know who I was.
Dragging my head down the length of her, I kiss my way back up her stomach, underneath her breast, and I slide my tongue over her nipple before sucking her into my mouth, pressing my tongue against her pert bud. She releases a heady breath into the air, moving her body as the passion takes over us. When I reach down, needing to reclaim everything we had taken our time working up to, I gently run my hand between her legs, touching her intimately. She doesn’t push me away when she lets go of a soft moan as I feel how ready for me she is.
Spreading her legs apart, I settle myself between the heat of her thighs. Gazing at her, naked beneath me, bared to each other and coming out of the agony that’s loomed over us, I see all I’ll ever want.