“You’re fine, Mr. Taylor. I was only teasing,” I said, hoping it would calm him down, but it didn’t.
“I don’t live far from here, so I stopped here on my way home. I—”
“Axel.” I held up my hand and stepped closer to him. “It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone that you came by. I promise. It was only a joke. I’m sorry.”
His shoulders relaxed and it seemed that the nervousness had eased from his body. With a small smirk, he said, “I’m not used to this. I swear. I’ve never gone to a student’s house before. I was just worried. I’ll leave you with the notes from class.” He held out a stack of papers without looking me in the eye, his expression completely falling flat. “I shouldn’t have come.” His words were whispered beneath his breath, as if only to himself. As if he’d just realized where he was.
I wrapped the blanket closer to my body, my insecurity taking over again. “I’m so stupid. So fucking stupid,” I said to myself after practically ripping the papers from his hand and turning around.
“Why do you say that?”
I couldn’t face him, so I kept my back to him while returning to the spot on the couch I’d vacated to answer the door. “You seemed like you were teasing, so I joked, too. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I know you didn’t come here for any other reason than being concerned about a student. It was stupid of me to let my guard down.”
After I sat down, I heard the distant click of the door closing, barring out the cold draft. I kept my eyes on the papers in front of me, and I could see his shadow growing closer. I didn’t need to hear the door shutting or watch him with my eyes to know he’d left his spot in the foyer and found his way to me. But even had I not sensed it, I would’ve known when he dropped to his knees, pulling my attention to his face, which was only a foot away from my own.
“This is new for both of us,” he started once he knew he had my attention. “I have no idea how to care for a student that’s going through the kinds of things you are. And I’m sure you’re not used to having a teacher care so much. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, and if I ever do, I need you to tell me.”
“You don’t make me uncomfortable. That’s just it…I feel more relaxed with you than I ever have with anyone else. I just don’t know how to handle that.” It was the truth. Yes, at times I didn’t know how to deal with his attention, and sometimes I found myself dreaming about him in ways a student should never dream about their teacher, but that didn’t take away how he made me feel around him. He had the ability to piss me off, and then calm me down in no time. I could be scared, yet one look into his bright-blue eyes lined with long, dark lashes, and an unfamiliar calmness would spread through me like the wind. It was simply unexplainable.
And that is what left me uncomfortable.
I didn’t know how to handle that.
“If you’d like, I can go over these notes with you. We’ve got a little time before your mom should be home.” For the first time, he didn’t seem like an adult. He didn’t act like a teacher. To me, he came across more as a friend, someone my age. And it was a good look on him.
I agreed and let him teach me the day’s lesson. He leaned against the other couch across the room, leaving practically the entire living room between us. I took notes as he covered what had been discussed in class, and then answered the practice questions he’d given the other students. It really was no different than him tutoring another student after school. Only…he was in my living room. And I wore pajamas with a blanket around me.
“Oh, I did have one other purpose for stopping by,” he said, and pivoted toward me on his way out the door. “But before I give this to you, let me explain it first. This is for emergencies. I, obviously, would like you to use it when you need to get ahold of me, but in the event of a real emergency, please use it to call the authorities.”
Confusion didn’t even begin to describe my mood before he pulled a cell phone from his pocket, handing it to me. “A phone? You got me a phone? I can’t afford this. I’ve already told you. I don’ have—”
“It’s prepaid,” he said, his words cutting me off mid-sentence. “It’s just a flip-phone with a basic plan. It has unlimited text messaging, and five hundred minutes a month. I would have gotten less minutes, but figured you might have times when you just need to talk to someone, and I didn’t want you to run out. But if we need to adjust the plan, it’s really easy. It’s just month to month.”
“Mr. Taylor…”
“Axel. I’ve already told you.”
I rolled my eyes, hoping that would ease some of the worry that had consumed my nerves. “I can’t accept a phone from you. I can’t pay for this. Not to mention, I don’t even have any friends to call.” I tried handing it back to him, but he wouldn’t take it.
“We’re friends, right? Call me if you need to. It has me worried just thinking about you sleeping on your porch in thirty-degree weather because you couldn’t call anyone.”
“It was a one-time thing. It’s never happened before, and probably will never happen again. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay…” He held a finger up in front of me, making me pause my thoughts for his argument. “Then use it the next time you don’t have a ride somewhere. The next time you miss the bus, before or after school. The next time you’re out somewhere and the weather is too bad to walk in it. It doesn’t matter what you need it for, there will be a time that you will. And I would feel much better knowing you had a way to get in touch with me.”
I nodded, contemplating a rebuttal. “If my mom finds it…”
“Don’t let her find it.”
I finally met his eyes. It was the first time since after he walked in that I’d wanted to tease him. “You want me to hide something from my mother? Doesn’t that go against some kind of teacher oath or something?”
“No.” The small curve of his lips said so much. “I would never tell you to do something like that. All I meant was to keep it safe. But whatever you do, don’t tell her about it.” He winked and then turned to open the door.
I kept my mouth shut, even though I wanted to say more. I wanted to keep him there, keep him joking with me. I didn’t want him to leave, but I knew he needed to. The hardest part was having to remind myself that he was my teacher, that he was seven years older than me, and these butterflies had no business taking root in the pit of my stomach.
“See you tomorrow, Bree.” His smooth, deep voice enveloped me through the open door.
“See you then, Axel,” I replied, wanting to keep the silly grin off my face but knowing immediately that I’d failed. My cheeks ached from the strained muscles, so I gave in and let the smile widen.
An airy laugh escaped him before he left. He shook his head all the way to his Jeep. I wanted more than anything to know what that had meant. Because I didn’t trust my own imagination to figure it out. I couldn’t allow myself to fill in the blanks and come to my own conclusion.
I had to remind myself that I was nothing more than a child in his eyes.
A poor, defenseless child that he had to protect from her big, bad mom.
A student in desperate need of a caring adult.
And that’s all he was—a caring adult.
I rolled my eyes and headed back to the couch, studying the phone in my hands. His number was the only one programmed into the contacts, and I must’ve stared at his name for a while, because the next thing I knew, my mom had come home.
“You didn’t go to school today?” she questioned from the kitchen.
I glanced up to her, shoving the phone beneath the blanket. “No. I didn’t feel well. I stayed home and slept all day. I just woke up a couple of hours ago.” I feared what would come next. Each of her steps taunted me with the promise of a lecture. But that’s not what I got.
Instead, she came to me, knelt in front of the couch, and pressed the back of her hand to my forehead. “You are a little warm, but not bad. Have you taken anything?”