My heart began to race with fear as anxiety overcame me. I hadn’t worried about our relationship in over two months, yet panic slammed into me, as if it had never gone away. Before I could find the strength to speak, he stole my breath away, pressing his lips gently against mine.
“Don’t freak out. Because if you freak out, then I’m going to. And I really need to stay calm in order to say this.” His pleading words were whispered across my lips, but they did very little to calm me down. He leaned back on his elbows, waiting for me to join him.
With our backs against the blanket and our gazes straight ahead, I asked, “What is it you want to say? Because I swear to you, Axel, you’re seriously giving me a paranoid fear of your yard.”
He reached across the space between us and held my hand. His thumb rubbed in soothing circles over my knuckle. “You asked me a question last month that I couldn’t answer. But I told you I’d give it some thought. Well, I have, and I’m prepared to explain it now.”
I stared up at the sky, but I paid it no mind. I couldn’t tell you what the stars looked like, how bright the moon was, or if there were any airplanes flying overhead. None of that registered as his words sank in.
“The truth is, I do want to protect you. If I had my way, I’d steal you from your house and move you in with me. I don’t like thinking of how you were raised, and desperately wish I could change that for you. I wish I could take away every ounce of pain you’ve ever felt due to your parents. I’ve never denied that. However, that doesn’t change who you are as a person. Maybe those things have even made you stronger, despite your inability to see your strength. You’re an amazing person, Aubrey. You’re smart, funny, kind—you’re honestly the best person I’ve ever met.
“You asked me if we would be together if our circumstances were different. I’ve thought a lot about this, and even tried imagining every possible scenario. And I realized that if you were older and not my student, I’d still want to be with you. As long as you’re the person you are right now, nothing would keep me away from you.” He squeezed my hand and grew quiet.
I turned my head and found him staring at me. “I don’t understand. It’s taken you a month to think of that? Or is there more to your speech, and you just wanted me calm before letting me down?”
“It hasn’t taken me a month to realize that. I told you it deserved serious thought, and so that’s what I gave it. I don’t know what’s going to happen to us, Bree. I can’t see into the future. But either way, I wanted you to know that what I feel for you has nothing to do with this hero complex you say I have.”
“Are you denying that you have one?” I wanted to lighten the mood, so I winked at him and tightened my fingers around his.
The way he licked his lips before talking had mine burning with the remnants of his kiss from earlier. “No. I’m not saying that there’s no truth to that. But my need to protect you isn’t because of that. It hasn’t taken me this long to realize I’d still want to be with you regardless of our situation. It’s taken me this long to understand why I have this need to keep you safe.”
“And why is that?”
“Because it’s basic instinct to protect those we love.”
I swallowed, and then swallowed again. My eyes blinked rapidly. But nothing I did woke me from the dream I was in. “Yeah…that makes sense,” I said breathlessly, trying not to focus on his words too much in case he didn’t mean them the way I’d taken them.
His chest started to heave faster, giving away his panicked breaths. And then he turned his head and stared back at the sky, but I couldn’t look away. “I just thought you should know that.”
“Know what, exactly? That you want to protect me because you care?” I sought clarity. I needed the words to be spelled out for me before I allowed myself to believe they’d actually been spoken. Without a blatant confession, there was nothing to prove to me that I hadn’t made it all up in my head.
His mouth opened and closed a few times before he cleared his throat. “No. Yes. I mean…yes, that’s why. But no, because it’s so much more than that.” As he struggled to find his words, I turned onto my side to face him, and then patiently waited for him to speak again. “So much more…”
I reached my hand out and rested it on his chest, feeling his heart pounding against it. He covered it with his and then let his head fall to the side so that we were eye to eye once more. “Just say it, Axel. It’s me. Why are you acting so scared?”
“I’m scared for what this means. For what will happen after I say it.”
I lifted myself onto my elbow and leaned into him, pressing my lips against his. I heard his breath hitch seconds before his warmth enveloped me. He released my hand on his chest and used it to cup my face, holding me there for a few moments longer.
“What was that for?” he whispered, breathing heavily against me.
“It’s me, Axel. Me. What are you so afraid of?”
His fingers laced through my hair as he held the side of my face, making sure I didn’t back too far away. “You’re so young, Bree. Sometimes I forget that. I forget that you’ve never experienced certain things. And then I realize it, and it worries me. What happens when you get out into the great big world, and you’re doing it all on your own? What happens to me when you make friends? When guys flirt with you, or when you find that you’re attracted to other people? What happens when you outgrow me?”
I climbed over him, straddling his hips, and then fisted the front of his shirt to pull him upright. He sat up willingly, although I could tell by his dumbfounded expression just how shocked he was. He remained silent as I adjusted myself on his lap until we were eye level with one another. And then I cupped his cheeks and pulled his face close enough so I could feel his breath across my lips.
“I’m not your ex. I have no desire to explore any other relationship. Not now, and not ever. There’s not a damn thing you need to worry about when it comes to me. Don’t be scared to tell me anything, because I won’t break your heart, Axel. Maybe I am young and inexperienced, but that doesn’t mean I’m a child. I think I’ve had more to deal with than most adults your age. I’m not gonna suddenly fall for some random guy who smiles at me, when I have you.”
His grip on my sides tightened slightly before he rested his hands on my hips. “And what about when you go off to college and I’m here? How will you handle the distance?”
“I’ve actually been thinking about the community college.”
“No,” he said sternly. “I won’t let you settle.”
“I’m not settling, Axel. I don’t know what degree I want. It makes sense to take out smaller tuition loans for my basic courses until I figure that out. That will give us two years before having to make any kind of decision about where we live.”
“Where we live? What about where you live in the meantime? I don’t want you at your mom’s house that long.”
I let my hands fall to his shoulders and studied his eyes for a moment, waiting until they softened. “I thought I could take early classes at the college and then work part time at night to earn some money. I could find a cheap apartment or something.”
He snickered and leaned forward, pressing a light, quick kiss to my lips. Damn, it was becoming easier and easier to do that. “Or something… Is that really what you want to do? Stay here and go to the local college? You want to stay with me?”
“Always.”
The shy grin on his face widened into a heart-stopping smile.
“As long as that’s what you want to do, of course.” For some reason, I felt silly being so open with him, assuming he’d want me there. “I mean, we’ve never really talked about the future or anything. I don’t even know how you feel, or if we want the same things out of life.”