“So what do you do with it when it’s like that?”
He relaxed next to me and laughed. “Well, I could take a cold shower and think of something not hot until it goes away. Or…”
“Or what?” My words trembled with nerves. I knew the answer, but I asked anyway. I had no idea why I brazenly pressed him to say it. It was so unlike me, but at the same time, it felt wild to talk so dirty. I’d never discussed this before, but Axel had a way of bringing out the animal in me.
He dropped his head, shaking it in silent laughter. “Or I take care of it myself, Aubrey.”
“Is that what you’re gonna do? When you go back inside?”
His eyes pierced mine in the withering candlelight. “Do you really want to know what I’m going to do about it?” he asked in such a deep, sexy voice that it made my sex begin to throb all over again. “I’m going to go inside, take off all my clothes, step into the shower…and then turn on the water as cold as it can go.”
I pushed his shoulder. “I hate you.”
“You love me.”
“Yeah…and if you loved me, you’d go inside and take care of that while thinking of me.”
“You need to go home now before I lose it in my pants.”
I leaned over and softly pressed my lips to his. “Okay. I’m leaving. Go think of me,” I said with a wink, and then I stood up to head home.
The walk back to my house didn’t seem to take that long, probably because I’d spent every step replaying Axel’s words to me. His confession, how he sounded when he told me he loved me. I held onto the memory of his hands on me, the way his hips brought me pleasure, and then I carved it deep into my memory—I needed something to get me through the next year of my life.
I snuck inside with a lazy, blissful smile on my face. But all that fell away when I looked up and found my mom waiting for me. I froze in place, unable to move or talk. Fear flooded me, drowning out everything good Axel had filled me with. My happy thoughts—gone. The warm tingles on my lips from his kisses—gone. The dull but pleasant throb between my legs—gone.
Gone.
Gone.
Gone.
The only thing left inside was complete and utter terror.
“Why are you wearing a sweater, Bree?” Axel asked me before class on Monday. He stopped me before I could even make it down my aisle.
“You shouldn’t be talking to me,” I said, keeping my head down and voice low so that I wouldn’t be overheard. “Just don’t worry about it.”
“Bree, look at me.” His voice was so hard and cold that he gave me no other choice than to face him and force myself to hold his intense stare. “Why are you wearing a sweater?”
“I thought I’d be cold.”
“Don’t lie to me,” he replied, his words edged with a growl.
I lowered my eyes and whispered, “Because I’m not wearing a bra.”
He didn’t speak, but I heard him clear his throat stiffly.
“Please don’t ask, Axel. I’m really not ready to talk about it.”
His feet stepped back, and I assumed that meant others were in the room. When I glanced back up, I fought off the mist of tears that began to cloud my sight.
“Meet me after school.”
“I can’t. I—”
“It wasn’t a question,” he demanded, and then he turned his back on me.
Axel’s attitude was short for the rest of the class, and he didn’t even try to hide his angry glower at me. I hated knowing how upset he was and not being able to do anything about it. We had exchanged a few text messages the day before, but I was unable to talk to him on the phone due to my mother’s watchful eye. He had no idea how distraught I was, and how I didn’t need to add his anger on top of it all. But being in school, my hands were tied.
I received a text shortly after his class, telling me to meet him on the corner across the street after the last bell and he’d pick me up. I didn’t want to meet him, but I knew we needed to talk. The rest of the day went by in a blur. I couldn’t focus in any of my classes, and I knew with the year coming to an end, this was the time to pay the most attention. But between my mom, and now Axel, my mind seemed bogged down in a heavy fog.
After school, I headed across the street and waited for his red Jeep to pull up. He didn’t even park before I opened the door and jumped in the passenger seat. The air inside the cab hung thick with tension until he turned down a side road and pulled over.
“What’s with the sweater, Bree?”
“I told you, I’m not wearing a bra. And I didn’t want people to notice, so I put the sweater on to hide it.” It wasn’t a lie. Every word I spoke was the truth.
He released a growl and slammed his hands against the steering wheel, causing me to jump in my seat. “Why does getting real answers from you feel like pulling teeth? Why aren’t you wearing a bra?”
I swallowed, wondering what my chances were of him believing me if I lied. But I decided against it, his frustration clearly mounting. “The straps on my back hurt too much.” I wanted to leave it at that, but his fierce gaze forced me to continue. “I fell into the wall unit. It had…it had glass doors.”
His lips pursed so hard, the edges turned completely white, which was a stark contrast to his beet-red face. His bright, icy blue eyes filled with an unreadable emotion as they glistened. Before I could stop him, he flung the door open, jumped out, and then slammed it shut before stalking to the other side of the street. I couldn’t move, stuck in my seat as I watched him crouch down and cover his head with his arms. His back shook violently while I did nothing but sit in his Jeep and cry.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he returned with tear tracks lining his face. “What… Fuck, Bree!” He pressed his forehead against the steering wheel. “When? When did she do this?” he asked with a broken and defeated tone.
“Saturday night.” My answer came out in a hushed whisper.
His head snapped back as his tear-filled eyes narrowed. “After we…? After you went home? From my house?”
“She didn’t know where I was!”
“I don’t fucking care! You think that’s what I’m worried about?” His loud voice filled the cab, making me shrink in my seat. “You left my house…where you were safe. And then… Dammit! I didn’t protect you! You were with me and then you got hurt.”
“You couldn’t have known, Axel.”
“You didn’t call me! Why didn’t you call me? I told you if something ever happened again…if she ever hurt you again… I told you to call…you didn’t call.” I’d never seen him—or anyone—act so distraught in my life. His tears, his quivering lip and hysterical tone, the pain that poured from him, killed me inside. It hurt me more than the lacerations on my back.
I reached over the console and ran my fingers through his hair, hoping to offer some comfort. “I’m sorry, Axel. I told you yesterday that my mom barely let me out of her sight. I couldn’t call you.”
“Saturday night, after it happened, you could’ve called. If not me, then you should’ve called the police. During any one of those texts, you had the opportunity to tell me something. Anything. But instead, you did nothing.” His voice was a mix between anger and despair, and I didn’t know if I should cower away or hold him close. “And then you sat here and told me that you fell into it. Fell! You lied to me as if I wouldn’t know any better! Why don’t you trust me? Me, of all people?”
“It would’ve only made it worse. I’ve never seen her that mad before, Axel. I was really scared. For the first time, after all she’s ever done to me, I was really scared.” My sobs finally broke free, unable to handle the weight of his disappointment. “I’m sorry, Axel. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad.”