With a shrug, she lowered her eyes and continued. “I wasn’t allowed to grab too much stuff from the house. A couple cops and my dad took me back home right after they released me from the police station and let me grab some clothes and personal items. But there were a few things I’d left behind on accident that I wanted. So a couple days later, I took a bus back…”
“Why? Why would you do that?” I became panicked, my voice evident of what I thought about her returning to her mother’s house.
Her eyes snapped to mine, burning bright. “I owned very few possessions that meant anything to me, Axel! In a month and a half, I had everything ripped out of my hands. I found myself living in a hotel room with a man I barely knew, preparing to move into a house full of people I’d never met. A town and a school of nothing but complete strangers. How do you think that made me feel? I just wanted something of meaning to bring with me.”
I swallowed dryly and asked, “What did you go back for?”
Her anger fell away, as did her gaze. “My CD. I missed you so much. You were the only person to ever give me real comfort. And at that time, I needed it more than ever before. Even if it wasn’t you…even if it was only a freaking CD…I needed it.”
I couldn’t believe she’d walked back into the lion’s den for something I’d given her. She risked everything to have a part of me, and that thought evoked so much emotion, I didn’t know what to do with it all. I just had to block it out—block out the pain it caused me—and forge ahead.
“Where was your dad? Where was your mom?” I knew I shouldn’t push her, but I couldn’t hold back my questions. I couldn’t wait for her to get there on her own because the anticipation would’ve likely killed me first.
“My dad had gone to the store for lunch. My mom was working, so I knew it would be safe to run in and get it. I would’ve been long gone before she got home. But she was there…and I didn’t know it until I was leaving my room. She met me in the hallway by the stairs on my way out. She was livid. I could see it in her eyes. And when she got in my face to scream at me, all I could smell was her wine. I froze in fear…” Her voice became a whisper as she turned back to the window. “I froze.”
I wanted to reach out to her, touch her, let her know it was okay to tell me. But I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to hear her next words, knowing what they would be, but seeing her deflated posture, I knew she needed to get it out. I did the only thing I could do…I waited in silence until she was ready to finish her story.
She stared out through her window, continuing to play with the dress in her hand and tapping her booted foot on the floorboard. “She had me by the throat, choking me, repeating over and over again how I’ve done nothing but ruin her life and she should’ve aborted me when she had the chance. I couldn’t breathe and I started to see spots. Then my vision turned dark. I could barely hear the things she was saying. I just kept slapping her, trying to get her off me—fighting back as hard as I could. But it wasn’t enough. I didn’t have enough strength, and I thought I was about to lose consciousness. I guess she got tired of being hit, because she threw me down the stairs.”
“Then what happened, Bree?” My heart was in my throat and I noticed she had started to shut down. I couldn’t allow her to do that. I needed her to remain strong and determined so that I could get the entire story. My guilt and regret were too much to bear without knowing how it all ended. Self-hatred burned inside, knowing I’d left her to deal with all this alone.
“I reached out for anything to hold onto. Anything to keep me from falling. I hadn’t even realized I’d grabbed onto her until we were both laying at the bottom of the stairs. I could barely breathe right. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest. Once the ringing in my ears faded and I could take a deep enough breath… I didn’t think. I just grabbed the CD and ran.”
“What are you saying, Aubrey?” I didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to imagine her mother putting her hands on her, hurting her. But what gutted me even more was the thought of Aubrey taking her mother’s life. Had I been there, had I trusted her enough to know she wouldn’t have turned me in, I could’ve saved her from that. I could’ve held onto my promise to her and gotten her out of that house. The regrets that would live with me forever were mounting and threatening to crush me.
“I went back to the hotel. My dad was freaking out. Then I told him what happened and he immediately called the police. I was so scared I’d get in trouble for going back there, but he promised everything would be okay. I didn’t even know what had happened until a cop showed up at the door later that night and asked me and my dad to go to the station. They asked me like a hundred questions, sometimes the same question over and over again. Turns out, she had a subdural hematoma, caused by the fall. She made it worse by drinking and taking aspirin before laying down. She was pronounced brain-dead at the hospital.”
“They thought you had something to do with it? They didn’t believe you?”
“It’s not that they thought I killed her, but I’d admitted to fighting with her and said how I pulled her down the stairs with me. They took even more pictures of me—my wrist was sprained in the fall, I had a bruise forming on my forehead, and the skin around my neck showed signs of attempted strangulation. They said it was obvious we had a struggle, and that they only wanted to make sure it happened the way I said it did. They had no reason to hold me, especially since some cop came forward later, telling them about your call at the beginning of the year.”
“Why was your mom even there?”
Bree rested her head against the back of the seat and let out a humorous laugh. “Apparently, after she got to her office that day, she was sent home. She couldn’t work while having an open investigation against her. I guess everyone finally learned what a monster she was, and seeing me back at the house, she snapped.”
I couldn’t take my eyes away from her, burning holes into the side of her face as she stared out the windshield ahead of her. Seeing her now, hearing her tragic story of the life she had after I’d walked out of it, made it difficult to believe that she was the happy, strong person she’d portrayed at the house. But then she spoke again.
“My dad brought me back home with him. I finished out high school here, and then moved in with one of my sisters after graduation. I guess you can’t have it really good until you have it really bad, huh? At least I can honestly say I’ve earned my good life. I fought for it. I won it fair and square.”
She may have spoken—revealing the story of probably one of the most traumatic nights of her life—with detachment, but I knew she had to have been feeling something else. No one could’ve lived through that, only to retell it as if it were nothing other than a movie they’d once seen.
“So that’s it? She died and you moved on?”
Bree leaned forward, tucking her head between her legs and taking a full inhale before sitting up straight again, giving me her full attention. “Yes, Axel, that’s exactly what happened. You want me to tell you about the guilt I suffered, knowing that no matter which way you spin it, I killed my own mother? Well, I can’t. Because I don’t have those feelings. There are moments I worry that my actions have made me no different than her, but then I look at what I have—at who I’ve become—and I know the truth. I wanted out of her house, away from her, just not like that. Not by my hands. But despite all that, I found the silver lining. I got out at the best possible time for me. Things only would’ve gotten worse from there, but in a numb, twisted way, I have to believe that it all happened the way it was supposed to. I know it wasn’t truly my fault she died.”
“Is that really how you feel, or are you only putting up a front for me?”