“I’m sure there’s a good reason for it. Maybe he’ll make it up to you next week. Who knows, you might get two scoops of ice cream next Monday.” I watched her impish grin take over her face, lighting up her every feature.
“And double gummy bears!”
I couldn’t hold in my laugh at her enthusiasm. “Yes. I’m sure he’ll let you have double gummy bears.” I crossed my ankles and noticed her do the same, mimicking me. “Do you prefer to go by Ayla, or McKayla? Or do you have another name you like better?”
“Mommy calls me Ayla. Papa calls me Buttercup. But you can call me whatever you want. Just don’t say my whole name, because that means I’m in trouble,” she whispered with her hands cupping her mouth, as if telling me a secret.
“Do you get in trouble a lot?”
“No. Not really. Mommy sometimes uses it when I don’t eat all of my carrots. But I don’t like them. So I wrap them in my napkin and throw them in the trash can. That’s when she says my whole name.”
Somehow, I no longer questioned her safety at home, and found myself enjoying our conversation. “Don’t worry, I don’t like carrots, either. The only way I can eat them is if they’re not cooked and smothered in ranch salad dressing.”
“I like that, too!” she exclaimed with wide, expressive eyes that made them shine. “But Mommy doesn’t let me pour the dressing. She says I use too much. But she never gives me enough.”
“Oh, yeah? Does she use your whole name when you pour it yourself?”
Ayla giggled, which caused her eyes to squint. “Not the whole thing. She just says, ‘McKayla Bailey! You better eat it all!’ But sometimes my tummy hurts if I have too much. She doesn’t make me eat it all. She just tells me that’s why I can’t do it myself and kisses my head.”
“You sound like you have a good mom.” The thought made me smile.
“She’s the best. And she’s beautiful like me, too.” Her cheeks turned red just before burying her face in her hands as if she’d embarrassed herself.
The words on the tip of my tongue were halted with the sound of the door opening. I glanced to my right, expecting to see Ayla’s mom, when my heart ceased to beat in my chest. The air literally stolen from my lungs. And I felt as if I’d been sucker-punched by Muhammad Ali himself.
“Mommy!” Ayla yelled from in front of me, jumping off the floor and running to the woman at the door. That’s when my world spun, the ground opened up and swallowed me whole.
Nothing made sense.
Aubrey was Ayla’s mom?
I couldn’t move from my spot on the floor, knowing even if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to hold myself up and I’d fall over. Our gaze only disconnected when Ayla launched herself into Bree’s arms, but her eyes quickly found mine again.
“What are you doing here, Axel?” she asked me hesitantly, keeping her distance.
“I’m subbing here. Ayla’s teacher is in the hospital, and they don’t know if she’ll make a full recovery. I’m filling in for her class.” My words were slow and heavy as I tried to calm down and quit croaking my words out.
Her chest heaved frantically as she set Ayla back down. Panic seemed to overtake her as her hands shook and her eyes darted along the empty hallway. “We need to go.” She shook her head, exhaled, and mumbled to herself, “I can’t freaking believe this.”
Finally finding my strength, I pulled myself up to my feet with the help of the wall behind me. “Is there something wrong, Bree? Some reason why you didn’t want me to know you have a kid?” I asked, needing even the slightest bit of clarity.
“I can’t do this with you right now.”
I moved to stand directly in front of her, putting myself between her and Ayla. With a low tone, I asked, “Who’s her father?”
“A kid from high school. It doesn’t matter.”
“Is that who forgot to pick her up today?”
We stood practically nose to nose, so the moment the tears coated her eyes, I noticed. I took a step back and studied her carefully, unsure where the emotion had come from.
“I’m sorry if I upset you, but I don’t like—”
“It’s none of your concern, Axel!” she yelled, just before her sob stole her voice. “It has nothing to do with you. You don’t need to know anything about our life.”
I didn’t want to back down, but hearing Ayla quietly ask her mother if she was okay stopped me from fighting back. She was too small and too innocent to be stuck between the animosity Bree and I seemed to have with one another. But I couldn’t simply let it go. I followed them out to the parking lot and waited until Bree belted Ayla into her seat in the back and closed the door.
I shuffled to the side and blocked Bree from getting in the car. She wrapped her light sweater around herself and set her sights beyond me, refusing to meet my eyes.
“You told me the other day that you were happy. That everything was good for you. So why did you break down the moment I asked about her father? Why are you crying? And why are you so damn hell-bent on fighting with me?”
She tilted her head back, searched the clouds for answers like she always used to do, and then she closed her eyes and filled her lungs, as if she held onto her patience by a thread. Returning her attention to me, she wiped away a tear and then crossed her arms. “It’s so like you to assume that everything I do revolves around you. My dad was supposed to pick her up today. He picks her up every Monday because it’s his day off work, and he’s set it aside for her. I had no idea anything was wrong until I got the call from the school, letting me know my child hadn’t been picked up. I just found out that my dad is in the hospital, fighting for his life after getting into a car accident on his way here to pick Ayla up. So excuse me if I’m upset. Pardon my tears. And get your head out of your ass for once. It’s not all about you.”
I swallowed hard, unable to take my eyes off hers.
“Now, if you’ll please excuse me, I need to leave.”
I stepped back, didn’t say a word, and allowed her access to her car. I wanted to hug her, comfort her, and assure her that everything would be all right. I wanted to climb in her car and drive her wherever she needed to go, and then stay with her until I knew she was okay. But I couldn’t do any of that. She wasn’t mine anymore, and there was someone else to stand in as that person for her.
She had someone else to raise a family with.
Someone else to hold her, touch her, kiss her.
Someone else to love her.
She didn’t need any of that from me. So without another word, I walked away, and watched over my shoulder as she left me…again. I didn’t know how many more times I’d be able to handle that. And for a moment, I wondered if I should just leave town, make it easier for both of us. But I knew that was nothing but a coward’s way out. And I’d taken too many of those over the last six years. I wouldn’t do it again.
As I drove home, I couldn’t take my mind off Aubrey. I couldn’t let go of the image of her tears. The sound of her broken voice filled my ears and haunted me. I knew she didn’t need me, and going to her would be completely selfish, but that didn’t stop me from the sudden U-turn I made. It didn’t keep me from driving straight to the hospital. And it certainly didn’t slow me down as I ran inside without a single plan or thought as to what I would say when I found her.
Nearly out of breath, I stopped at the reception counter in the front. “I’m looking for Mr. Jacobs. He came in not too long ago from a car accident.” I hadn’t even given it any thought that I didn’t know his name, and only prayed that the last was also Jacobs. Otherwise, I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere.
The older lady typed something into her computer and then straightened her glasses before turning her attention back to me. “Mr. Jacobs just came out of surgery, but he’s in ICU at the moment. Only immediate family is allowed in there.”