“Pain from what?” she asked hesitantly.
I shrugged. “From everything? From you, not teaching, being alone. Take your pick. I literally fell down the proverbial rabbit hole. When I was really lonely, I searched for someone that I could at least pretend made me feel the way you did. But no one ever could. No one laughed with me like you did, or made me smile like you could. After so long, I started to think you were a facet of my imagination. Every time I’d tell someone about you—about us—they’d say ‘women like that don’t exist.’ I started to think you were nothing but a dream that I’d always wake up from.”
“I don’t understand, Axel. You left me. Why were you so heartbroken?”
I leaned forward with my hand on the bed next to her, needing to be close enough to see the look in her eyes. “I didn’t want to leave you, Bree. That wasn’t by my choice. I never wanted to turn my back on you. But the way the school sounded that morning, I had nothing else to believe except that you’d told them everything. Well, mostly everything. I left thinking you’d turned your back on me.”
“But I didn’t,” she whispered, her warm breath hitting my face.
“I didn’t know that then.”
“You could’ve asked me.”
“As far as I knew, Bree, if I had gone to you, asking you what’d happened, you’d run back to the school and I’d look like a stalker. You have to remember, I was under the impression that you’d gone to them first. So going to you, asking you what you said, was not an option for me. Your mom would’ve come after me, and I wouldn’t have been able to get by unscathed.”
“It’s weird how things work out, isn’t it? Because of a misunderstanding, both of our lives changed dramatically. You were always the strong one, and that one thing made you crumble. Yet the weak one grew wings and flew.”
God, the image of her with wings like the angel she is, soaring above the tragedy, did something to me. It healed one of the many broken pieces inside. I locked eyes with her, our heavy breaths mingling in the small space between our faces. The heat surrounding my body grew, making my skin tingle. And then she spoke, her words dousing me like a bucket of cold water.
“So you drank a lot? Do you still?”
I shook my head before slowly backing away, realizing just how close our lips had become. “No. Almost two years ago, I decided I didn’t want to live that way anymore. It wasn’t like I drank all day every day, but I knew if I kept going the way I was, it wouldn’t be long before I’d get there. I didn’t want to completely waste my life or get to the point of no return. I missed teaching, and I’d never be able to do that again if I didn’t make a change. So I stopped drinking with the support of my sister. She and Danny ended up moving and took me with them. I lived with them, spending time getting my life straight, and helped them with their kids. Tracii’s the one that actually convinced me to teach primary age.”
“How many kids do they have now?”
“Two. Their oldest is six, just started first grade, and damn that little girl is smart. They had a little boy, who’s now three, and he’s one of the reasons I wanted to be a better person. Tracii and Danny stopped visiting me because they said they didn’t want the kids around my drinking. I guess I’d reached the sloppy stage, and they didn’t want the kids to remember me that way. So when I called Tracii and told her how I wanted to be sober, she didn’t even hesitate to offer her support. She offered me a room in their new house and told me that as long as I stayed away from the drinking, I could live there and work on getting my life back on track.
“I spent the first bit helping out around the house…cooking, cleaning, helping with the kids. Kind of like the housekeeper and nanny,” I said with a laugh, remembering that Danny had oftentimes introduced me to his friends as his manny. “And then I took the test to teach primary education. I loved being around my niece and nephew, and knew it was something I wouldn’t mind doing forever. Plus, it alleviated those pesky lines of right and wrong.”
“I was so scared you wouldn’t be able to teach again.” Her whispered voice brought me out of my thoughts, reminding me where I was.
“No. They didn’t fire me. I ended up leaving on my own accord—I resigned. So there was nothing they could really do. Apparently, they didn’t have enough on me to prove that I’d done more than befriend a student. And although it’s frowned upon, it’s not grounds for termination.”
Her shoulders slacked and a sigh of relief left her lips. “I know you told me that you moved here for a teaching job, and then I saw you at Ayla’s school, but I didn’t know if you were allowed to teach because it was a different district. I didn’t know if it mattered.”
“Had I been fired, no school would’ve touched me. I would have had my credentials revoked and my file permanently tagged. And I guess so much time lapsed between that nothing was reported when I applied for the position.”
“So you’re here for good now?”
I nodded, staring at the wall behind her head to keep from seeing her reaction. I didn’t want to witness her disappointment if she didn’t want me there. “I mean, I’m only a substitute. My job isn’t permanent by any means. But right now, in Ayla’s class, there might be a chance I could stay for at least the remainder of the year. I’m sure you’ve heard, her teacher suffered a heart attack over the weekend, and they’re not sure if she’ll come back. I’m filling in for her until a decision is made. And then I’ll find out if my position will carry into next year or not.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be her teacher.”
“Why not?” I asked, feeling slightly offended.
She tilted her head and regarded me with soft eyes. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea with everything we’ve been through.”
I reached out and settled my palm against her cheek, feeling her soft skin beneath the pads of my fingers. “Bree, I promise it’ll be fine. I won’t show her any special treatment, or take anything out on her. You’ve taught me a lot, and one of those things is that no matter the situation, I need to remain professional.”
“I know.” Her clipped tone implanted doubt and I didn’t know what my next move should be. But she didn’t bat my hand away or move back from my touch. Instead, she covered my hand with her own, holding my palm to her face. Her touch held just enough tenderness, giving me the courage to move in, albeit painstakingly slow, until my lips barely brushed hers. Testing the waters, still unsure of myself and the direction we were heading. It was so hard to go slow. For the minute my lips touched hers, a familiarity resonated within.
And then I heard her slight intake of air.
The sound of that one gasp was enough to send me over the edge, diving into the depths of the abyss. The memories of us swarmed me. I couldn’t stop myself from pressing my mouth into hers further, gradually leaning in until our chests collided. Worry over her pushing me away quickly faded the second her arms circled my neck, holding me to her. She held onto me as if I were something to be treasured. As if she would never let go. I deepened the kiss, parting her lips with my tongue, and finally seizing what’s always been mine.
I pressed into her until I had her on her back, my body gently covering hers. She adjusted her legs, automatically fitting them on either side of my hips as I nestled into her. I’d been in this position once before—in the back yard so many years ago—but this time, I had no intention of leaving our clothes on. I’d had many dreams over the years, wondering what it would be like to have her naked beneath me as I sank into her, watching the pleasure take over her features. And the mere thought of those dreams finally coming true had me hard as I rocked against her.
My lips moved to her neck, and I tasted her sweet skin with my tongue. “If you’re waiting for me to stop this, Bree…it’s not going to happen this time. So if you don’t want this, you’re going to have to be the one to put an end to it,” I rasped into her ear as I kept up with the movements of my hips.