I closed my lips over the area of her carotid artery, feeling her hammering pulse against my tongue. I sucked on her satiny flesh as I got lost in her. My thrusts turned ragged, and I spilled myself deep within her, giving her all of me.
“Bree…” I whispered against her neck, collapsing on top of her.
“Don’t say it.” She gasped for air and it made her sound as if she were pleading with me. Then she said something else, and it left no doubt in my mind how she felt. “Please, Axel. I know what you want to say. Just don’t.”
I pushed off her, propping my torso up by my elbows so I could see her clearly. “What was I going to say?” If she had the nerve to tell me to keep my feelings to myself, then I would make her say it.
Her head fell to the side and she stared at the wall on the other side of the room.
“No, Aubrey. What is it you think I was going to say?”
“I don’t know. But if you were going to tell me that you love me, just save it. I don’t need to hear it.” A single tear slipped from her eye and trailed across the bridge of her nose.
“Then what the hell was this?” I knew my voice was harsh, probably too harsh for the moment we’d just shared together, but I didn’t care.
Her head snapped back, her unrelenting stare meeting mine. “Hormones. Something we’ve both spent years dreaming about, and now we’ve taken the opportunity to fulfill those fantasies. I don’t know, Axel. But this isn’t the start of us. This isn’t our reunion.”
“I’m still fucking inside of you,” I growled through clenched teeth. “You could’ve at least waited until I removed my dick from your cunt before closing the curtains on our moment.” I pulled out of her and heard her slight whimper, then I climbed off the bed and searched the floor for my clothes.
“Axel—”
“Save it.” I spun to meet her gaze, making sure she looked into my eyes as I spoke my next words. “Deny it all you want. Force me away, cut me out of your life. Hell, run the other way when you see me, cross the damn street if you have to. I don’t care. But nothing changes the fact that I love you. Nothing. Not how things between us ended, not the last six years, and not your pathetic excuses. Nothing. I think you’re being a coward, because you’re scared of what we have. You’re scared of how good we are together. And now that you’re finally standing on your own two feet, it scares the shit out of you that you just might be dependent on someone for something.”
She curled into herself, frantically attempting to cover her naked body. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I have my reasons.” Tears leaked from her eyes, but I couldn’t tell if they were angry or sad tears. “You knew me for about five minutes out of my whole life. Don’t pretend you know anything about me. Don’t pretend like you have any idea of who I am now.”
Yeah, they were pissed-off tears.
I dressed in jerky motions, not bothering to button and zip everything. “Keep telling yourself that, Aubrey. Whatever gets you through the day.” Without looking back, I grabbed my shoes, flung open her bedroom door, and got out as quickly as possible.
She certainly had one thing right…I had no idea who she was anymore.
I managed to get through Tuesday and Wednesday despite the heavy fog that seemed to follow me around. I was fine during school hours, even with Ayla in my class, but once I no longer had the kids to occupy my mind, it drifted to darker places. I couldn’t get Bree out of my head.
Even worse was when I’d lay down for bed. My body ached for her, and it transcended into my dreams. Parts of them were in her bed with her beneath me, and others were of us on my couch, my dick buried deep inside her as she held on tight to my neck. They blended together at times, unable to decipher what was real and what wasn’t. But one thing always remained constant…her sweet voice as she whispered into my ear how much she loved me, filling me with more emotion than one person was meant to have. It felt too believable, too honest and pure to be a lie.
And then my eyes would pop open.
Thursday seemed to be slightly better. The ache was still present, but my pride began to come through, convincing myself that she’d come around. I knew she wouldn’t be able to deny her feelings and escape me forever. Especially if her daughter was in my class. Not to mention, Fate had a way of stepping in when we were too stubborn to do it ourselves.
As if I held some special ability to see into the future, Aubrey walked into my classroom, stunning me at the mere sight of her. The day had ended and all the students were gone. I had just finished putting the last of my things into my briefcase, readying myself to head home.
“What’s wrong? Where’s Ayla?” I asked out of sheer panic that something had happened.
Her shoulders weren’t straight and her eyes appeared tired. I worried that whatever had brought her to me was bad, but then she shook her head and came closer to me with her hands up. “She’s with my sister. I was heading up to see my dad. He’s out of ICU now.”
I steeled myself, not knowing what to expect from her visit. “Okay. Then why are you here?”
She took one more step and then dropped her arms, appearing defeated. “I wanted to apologize for the other night. You were right about me being scared. I am. I’ve spent six years believing one thing, going about my life with certain opinions of you, and then you waltz back in and expect everything to magically be better. I can’t just forget everything that’s happened. You can’t just show up, make love to me, and everything miraculously work itself out.”
I leaned against the edge of my desk, crossing my ankles in front of me in the hopes of not appearing as weak as I felt around her. She’d always thought of me as the strong one, and maybe in most aspects, I was. But around her, when it came to Bree, I was weaker than a stretched-out rubber band. “We’ve both gone all this time with beliefs and opinions of the other that were inaccurate. That’s why you shouldn’t push me away. We can get past it. We can figure it all out together.”
“I know, Axel. I hear what you’re saying, and you make it sound so easy. But it’s not. What happened the other night…it was a moment of weakness.”
“No, Aubrey!” I stood up straight, closing the space between us. “Don’t say that. You’re letting your fears get to you if that’s what you think. I’m not going to hurt you. No one is going to force us apart this time. You just have to give in and try.”
“I–I just have to figure some stuff out. Okay? Can you at least let me do that? There are so many things I want to tell you, share with you. But I need a little bit of time. Ever since you came back into my life, things have been hectic. With my dad in the hospital, with work, with Ayla…I haven’t had a moment to figure anything out. And then you come over, we get lost in the moment, and it’s like everything has been swept under the rug. But one day, that rug is going to be pulled out from underneath us, and we’ll be knocked on our asses in a giant pile of shit.”
“If you need time to sort it all out, then fine. But don’t expect me to vanish in the meantime. Don’t think for one second that I’m going to sit on the sidelines while you get over whatever it is you’ve been holding against me for years.”
She rolled her eyes as if our conversation had exhausted her. “Can you please remember that I was seventeen when you left? That’s rather young. Add in how I’d never been in a relationship prior to that, I didn’t have an honest sense of love, and my mom had pretty much brainwashed me into believing I was a piece of crap. So keep that in mind when trying to figure out what I went through after you left. I thought you got what you wanted and then didn’t need me anymore. You made pretty promises, said the perfect words, and etched yourself into my heart. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. And then once you got what no one else ever could, you vanished. So pardon me for thinking the worst. Excuse me for having doubts and lingering resentment toward you that won’t just disappear with an orgasm.”