“I can only assume this isn’t good, brother bear,” she said as I stepped out of the cab. “You never drop by unannounced, and by the look on your face, I know this isn’t a friendly visit. If you have alcohol on your breath, you might as well turn around and leave now. But I swear to you, if that’s the case, and you get behind that wheel, I’ll—”
“Tracii! Stop! I haven’t had anything to drink. You’re right, this isn’t a friendly visit…but I haven’t had anything to drink. I just need my sister.” The desperation in my tone echoed in my ears. I didn’t even have to wonder what my facial expression looked like.
“Okay…” She relented, holding her palms up to calm me down. “I’m sorry. I’m just not used to seeing you this way. It’s been a while, and I freaked out. Do you want to come inside?”
I nodded and followed her in to the kitchen, taking a seat at the bar while she continued making dinner. No words were spoken for a few minutes as we let the air settle around us. She chopped away at her vegetables while eyeing me.
“Do you remember the girl I told you about? My student? Aubrey?”
“How could I forget? That girl demolished you,” she said, not stopping her task.
“Tracii, please don’t go there.” I knew my sister didn’t care much for Bree, but I also knew that was only her protective side coming out. She hated what happened to me after that. And she had been under the same impression I was—that Bree had turned me in. But beneath it all, she knew how much I loved her, and because of that, she couldn’t completely hate Aubrey. “I need to talk to you about her, and I need you to stay levelheaded. Please. I’m already shaken up, and I need you to ground me. If you can’t do that…if you’re going to do nothing but hate on her for what she’s done, then I’m going to leave. I need you to talk me off this ledge. And I came to you because I don’t trust myself with these thoughts I’m having right now.”
She set the knife down, leaned against the counter, and met my gaze with hers. “Okay. You have my levelheaded attention.”
I couldn’t hold back my laugh, and my shoulders bounced as the chuckle rippled through me. “I don’t think you’re capable of that, but thanks for the effort. Whatever you have to say about this, please keep my feelings in mind.”
“I will, Axel. Now get on with it. I have dinner to make.”
I rolled my eyes but set in to explain everything to her. I told her about the girl at the lake, how I’d gone there for a while and watched her. About the odd connection I felt with her, even though I had no idea who she was. Then I told her about the night I pulled her from the water, realizing who it was.
“Was she trying to kill herself?” Tracii asked, coming to the same conclusion I had.
“No. She was drunk and doesn’t really remember it.”
“Oh…a drinker. That’s not good for you, Axel.”
“She’s not a drinker. It was her sister’s bachelorette party. But that’s completely beside the point, Tracii. I can’t expect everyone in my life to never drink again. That’s ridiculous. Can we just stick to the story here?” I asked, watching her lips twitch with a smile she tried to keep hidden.
I told her everything after that: having Ayla in my class, finding out her mom was Bree, our moment in the hospital, and our moment back at her house. Tracii had a few choice words about Bree’s reaction in the bedroom, but after a pointed stare from me, she stopped and let me continue with my story. She half-listened to me explain Aubrey’s surprise apology, and our decision to work things out. I could tell she had an opinion on it, but kept it to herself. In order to put off the inevitable confession of why I’d shown up in her driveway unexpected, I stalled by telling her of our conversations that weekend over the phone and the table I’d picked up that morning.
“So at what point are you going to tell me that the kid is yours?” she asked after slamming the oven door closed and turning to me with her hand on her hip. “I’m not an idiot, Axel. The girl is yours, just tell me.”
My head fell forward as I took in a cleansing breath, hoping to calm my nerves. “Yes. Ayla is my…daughter.” I glanced back up, catching the rarely seen sympathetic gleam in her eyes.
“And let me guess…you’re mad at Bree for not telling you?”
“Wouldn’t you be?” I sat up straight, suddenly feeling the need to be defensive.
Tracii bent her head to the side, cracking her neck. That meant what she had to say wouldn’t be nice or pretty. “Did you expect her to wake up on your couch after nearly dying and say, ‘Thank you for saving my life, Axel. Oh, and by the way, we have a kid together’?”
“No. But she’s had so many more opportunities since then.”
“So many? You just told me it’s only been a week. And you described a handful of interactions.”
“You’re supposed to be on my side, Tracii,” I said, my anger beginning to grow, only this time, my sister being the target. “I’ve had a kid for the last five years and never knew about her.”
“Maybe if you hadn’t run away like a coward, then you might’ve known a little bit sooner. And then you wouldn’t have gone this long thinking the worst of the person you claim to love. And you wouldn’t have become an alcoholic. Stop blaming others, Axel. I understand that shit happens, and what happened between you two is some nasty shit…but take some freaking responsibility.”
“What happened to the sister that hated Bree a few years ago?”
“I’m not saying Bree is innocent, and she is right in not telling you about the kid over the last week. But she’s not here to defend herself. You are. And years ago…all I had to go on was you telling me how she stabbed you in the back. I had to watch my brother fall apart over a girl. Of course I wasn’t going to like her. But now I know the truth, and it’s kind of hard to defend you against that.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I asked her who the father was and she never told me the truth. She led me to believe she fucked some random kid in school after I left.”
Tracii looked around the room behind me. “Can you please watch your language?” She settled against the counter and crossed her arms. “How many times did you ask? And where were you when you did this?”
I knew my answer wouldn’t sway her opinion. She’d only agree with Bree again. But I had to be honest with her if I expected her to help me overcome this. “When she came to pick Ayla up from school and I found out about her. That was the first time. And the other time was at her house after we came home from the hospital. Up until then, I thought she was married, so I thought her husband was the father. But when I found out there was no husband, I again asked who the father was. And again, she lied to me.”
“All right…” She took in a deep breath, preparing for one of her famous lectures. “The first time you asked, you can’t be pissed that she didn’t tell you. I’m sure she was just as surprised seeing you with the little girl, as you were about her being a mom. Don’t throw stones, Axel. Now the second time, yes, she could’ve told you. That would’ve been a good time to drop the ball. However, I’m sure she was also emotionally spent after the ordeal with her own dad. Pretend to be her for a moment. Think about how scary it would be for you to tell the person you supposedly love that your child is theirs. Oh, and said child is five…not a baby.”
“Crap,” I groaned, pressing my forehead to the counter. “Why must you always be right?” And why must I not believe it until my sister says the same things I’ve already heard?
“It’s a curse…really.”
I glanced up and raised a brow at her.
“Okay, so you have a lot to think about. I take it you want to be in the kid’s life?” she asked and waited for me to nod. “That’s good. If not, I’d have to kick your ass.”