“Watch your language,” I reprimanded her the way she had done to me.
“It’s my house. I can say whatever I want. But I’m going to give you a bit of advice. I don’t know anything about this woman other than what you’ve told me. But I don’t think it’s best for you two to be in a relationship together at this point. You had some sort of heavy relationship years ago, and you both fell in love, hard and fast. But a lot has happened to you both since then. I’m not saying it wasn’t real, or that you can’t have that again. But listen to me, Axel, you both need time to heal first. After what went down between you two, you both took separate roads to get you guys to this point. Ride it out. Don’t go jumping medians to get to each other. If you’re meant to be…you’ll be.”
I dropped my hands to the counter, feeling on the verge of giving up. Her words meant so much, and I understood what she meant, but it wasn’t that easy anymore. “I have a kid with her, Trace. What do I do about that?”
“That’s a dumb question, Axe. Take care of her. Be a dad to her. Don’t just jump in, though. I’m sure you’ll confuse the crap outta the little kid if you walk into class and tell her to start calling you ‘Daddy.’ Go slow. With her and her mother. This girl has been doing everything on her own since day one. Don’t bombard her with your help, or you’ll just make her back off even more. And if you want to ever have a relationship with her, I suggest you don’t push her away. If I know you, then I can only guess you read her the riot act. Am I right?”
I rolled my eyes, questioning why I’d even gone to her in the first place. “I was pissed, Tracii. What did you think I’d do? It’s like she’s been lying to me ever since I found her again. She let me think she was married, she—”
“Oh my God, Axel.” She threw her hands up in the air dramatically. “So she wore a freaking wedding band. Do you know how many girls do that to fend off guys? It’s the oldest trick in the book. Did you ask her if she was married? Did you ask her anything about her husband? Or did you see the ring and make assumptions?”
“It’s a wedding band! On her left ring finger! Anyone would assume the same thing!” I yelled, exhausted already from this argument. “But no, I didn’t ask. I didn’t think I needed to.”
“That’s your fault for assuming. It’s her fault for not setting your assumptions straight. Do you see what I mean now? Neither one of you is ready for this relationship.”
“I don’t even think I want a relationship with her anymore. I understand that she never broke my trust like I once thought. And I can understand why she kept Ayla from me. But that doesn’t change what happened. Sometimes in life, things are hard to admit, we don’t always have the best timing to tell someone something important, but that doesn’t excuse not doing it. The fact that I’m Ayla’s father doesn’t change depending on what’s going on in her life at the moment.”
Tracii’s eyes softened and her head tilted to the side. “I understand, Axel. Really, I do. I get your pain and your anger. I know you’re feeling betrayed by the only person you’ve ever loved that much. I can also understand where she’s coming from, without ever meeting the girl. We’re talking about a kid here, and the decisions made about that can’t be taken lightly. Bree has a daughter to worry about now. She has another life to protect. Maybe she was only waiting until she knew she could trust you again.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. Because I can’t trust her.”
“I really wish I could just smack the both of you.” She shook her head with a smile on her face. “Give her time to settle down…I’m sure she’s up in arms right now after your wrath came down on her. Don’t call her or go after her. Let her come to you. And when she does, listen to her. Don’t argue or raise your voice, don’t escalate the situation any more than it already is. Just listen. Hear her out and put yourself in her shoes. You can’t expect her to understand where you’re coming from if you can’t offer her the same in return.”
I stared across the counter at my sister, into the eyes that were exactly like mine. People say twins are connected for life, and sometimes I didn’t believe that. But in moments like these, when it felt like she was the only one who really knew me, I couldn’t deny that connection. God could come to me Himself and tell me something, but for some reason, it wouldn’t click in my brain until my sister repeated the same words.
“Okay, fine. I get it. I came down a little hard on her.”
“And you had the right to, Axel. I couldn’t even begin to understand what that must’ve been like for you to find out you have a kid, with the love of your life, and never knew it. But she also had the right to keep her daughter to herself for a little bit longer. I’m sure you showing up out of nowhere was just as intense for her as it was for you.”
“Do you really think she’s the love of my life?”
“You’re the only one that can answer that, brother bear. All I know is…everyone and their mother tried to separate you two. You’ve had the weight of the world stacked against you both since the very beginning. Yet here you are, living in the same town, both parents to the same little girl. I don’t know of a bigger, brighter arrow than that.”
“Do you think we can overcome this?”
“Overcome what? The massive amounts of miscommunication between you both? Sounds like you’re already wading through it, finding out the truth behind it all. And it’s only been a week.”
“What do you think Mom and Dad will say?”
She laughed and gave me a sympathetic smile. “They’re totally gonna kick your ass. You told them you never slept with her. Kinda hard to explain that one now, huh?”
“Yeah…” I ran my hands through my hair, feeling completely deflated.
“Any way she’s not yours?”
Her question caused my head to snap up, and I glared at her. “Maybe. I don’t know. I have zero doubt, if that’s what you’re asking. But I didn’t ask for a paternity test or anything. She doesn’t exactly look just like me, but if you take me and Bree, smash us together and shrink it…you have Ayla. Her skin is a little lighter than mine, but a little darker than Bree’s. Her eyes are bluish-green, like if you’d mix my color with hers. I mean, she’s such an even mix that without looking, you wouldn’t be able to tell who she belongs to. But if you pick her features apart, you can clearly see where they come from. And I swear, she has some of my mannerisms that I thought was odd when I saw them, but never thought to question it.”
“Like what?”
“We were sitting in the hall one day, and she had her legs crossed like me. I thought she was just mimicking me, but now that I look back, I doubt she even knew what she was doing.”
“I’m going to ask a very personal question, and I only want the straight answer. No details. Got it?” she asked, and I nodded even though I knew what she was going to say. “Did you wrap it up with her?”
“Yes. I swear it. That’s the reason why I never really thought Ayla was mine. I mean, I know condoms aren’t foolproof, but I at least assumed I would’ve known if there was an issue with it.”
“I said no details. But thanks,” she said sarcastically, turning her back to me so she could start cleaning the dishes she had used for prepping dinner. “But keep in mind, Axel, all it takes is one tiny hole in the rubber to make it ineffective.”
I knew she’d gone to the sink to keep her back to me for this conversation, which I was totally fine with. I didn’t necessarily want to look her in the eye while talking about sex, either. “But wouldn’t I know? I mean, I certainly didn’t stab my condoms with a pin.”
“No…and I would hope you wouldn’t do that. But if you carried them in your wallet, imagine all the things that could’ve poked it. Not to mention, they do expire. Maybe it was old and you didn’t know. Maybe while putting it on, it got snagged on your zipper or something.” She spun around with wide eyes. “Okay, enough talking about this. All you need to know is that there are plenty of reasons why it could’ve failed. You slept with her—probably not the best idea given she was a minor and your student—and now you have to live with the consequences of what happened. And what happened after that was she got pregnant and had to raise the kid for the last five years all on her own. And you can’t fault her for not confessing that to you the second you popped back up in her life. Now…are you staying for dinner or not?”