“Would you like it if he came back?”
Her eyes grew large, sparkling in the bright lights of the gym above us. “Yeah! Do you think he will? Do you think he’ll love me like he loves my mommy?”
“I know he already does, Ayla.”
She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, squeezing me with all the strength she had in her. It warmed me, and solidified what I knew in my heart that I had to do. There were no more questions in my head, no more concerns that weighed me down. I had not one ounce of confusion or worry.
Bree and I had once upon a time dreamed of our future. We’d made plans of a family—a real life together. And then circumstance came in and woke us up, taking away those dreams until they’d almost become a faded memory. But no matter how different those plans came to life, no matter how badly things had been turned around, I wouldn’t let them die.
By the end of the dance, I held Ayla’s hand outside of the gym, waiting for her mother to pick her up. I didn’t have to wait long, seeing Bree make her way through the bodies that gathered. Her eyes wouldn’t hold mine, and I could see fear and nervousness in the way they flickered about, landing on everyone and everything but me. As soon as she grew close enough to us, I leaned over and picked Ayla up. And then I reached out and grabbed Bree’s hand, not giving her a moment to object. I pulled on her, feeling her hesitant steps behind me, and led her out to the parking lot. Meanwhile, Ayla talked nonstop about the dance and how much fun she had.
When we reached Bree’s car, I stood back, giving her space to open the rear door. I set Ayla down and watched as she climbed into her car seat in the back, pulled the seatbelt over her chest, and locked it in place. Bree gently closed the door. She spun around, faced away from me, and cast her gaze downward, as if she were unsure of what to do next.
“I’m going to follow you home, Aubrey. And then we’re going to talk.” I didn’t ask her, or give her any options. I didn’t want to chance her coming up with an excuse or telling me no.
“Sarah is out of town, and it’s too late to take her to my dad’s house.”
“She can be there. It’ll be fine. No arguing, no raised voices. Just talking. Me and you, like adults. I have so much I need to tell you, and we have so much to figure out.”
With a deep breath, her shoulders rose to her chin before falling flat again. Her eyes finally met mine as she said, “I don’t know, Axel…”
I held her upper arms, keeping her facing me. “No, Bree. This isn’t an option. We have to work this out. We have to deal with this like mature adults. Regardless of how we got here, or what’s keeping or has kept us apart, we have to deal with it. We can’t hide from it or let the fear keep us from it any longer.”
She nodded and dipped her head, breaking eye contact. “Okay,” she whispered as she pulled away from me.
I hesitantly let her go and slowly backed away. She silently climbed into her car. I kept my eyes on her, not fully turning away, and made sure she wouldn’t back out, but then I saw the reverse bulbs light up.
Prepared to get to my truck and make my way to Bree’s house, I noticed one of the administrators staring in my direction. Her eyes were squinted, as if attempting to figure out what it was that she saw happening between us. I wanted to leave, not bother with the politics of it all, but once again, I was faced with having to save my job. I stalked over to the woman, keeping my head bowed but my eyes lifted and focused on her.
“I know what this looks like, but I promise you, you can’t even begin to understand the circumstances,” I said quietly after approaching her.
She nodded, seemingly understanding. “Okay. I wasn’t going to make any judgments until talking to you about it. Maybe we can discuss it on Monday?” Her tone held no warning of accusations, and left me to believe I had nothing to worry about. But that in itself had me worried.
“I would love to explain everything to you and the principal then. I just have to get all the answers myself. What you just saw…this didn’t start recently. She is someone from my past, and—”
“Mr. Taylor, it’s fine. Really. You don’t have to explain anything to me right now. You’re only a substitute. But regardless of that, dating a parent isn’t grounds for termination, although it is something the school would need to know. And on Monday, we will talk about it further so we can all be on the same page.”
I left her with a smile, feeling slightly paranoid, yet oddly at ease.
My chest ached the entire drive to Bree’s house, which wasn’t far from the school. I knew the things I wanted to say, but not the specific words. I knew what outcome I wanted, but hadn’t given any thought as to how I would approach it. The drive didn’t offer any comfort, and only served to increase my anxiety.
Bree was inside by the time I pulled up in front of her house, but she came to the door before I even knocked. She silently welcomed me in with an outstretched arm, barely able to meet my gaze.
“Mr. Taylor is here!” Ayla excitedly yelled, jumping around the room.
“Yes, he is. Mommy and…Mr. Taylor have to talk. So why don’t you go get ready for bed? Take a shower and wash your hair please. You can come say goodnight to him before he leaves.” Hearing Bree speak to Ayla relaxed me some, gave me a sense of ease, and lessened the apprehension simmering inside me.
Once Ayla left the room, I said, “I’ve thought a lot about our argument—”
“Axel, please…before you start, let me say something.” Bree held up a hand as she interrupted me. She walked to the couch and sat down, waiting for me to follow. “You make me feel like two different people,” she started with a shaky voice. “Even back in school, it was like you saw one version of me, yet I felt like a totally different one.”
“I don’t understand, Bree.”
“You fell in love with me, but sometimes I think you only fell in love with the person you thought I was. The person I was back then. Like it was some fantasy. I was broken, lost in the world without a clue as to which way was up and which was down. And then you came along, and I became a deer in headlights with you, completely consumed by you.
“You said before that I had the soul of a wolf, fierce and strong. I never felt that. I never believed I had that in me. And if I’m being rational and realistic, I think that’s what you fell in love with all those years ago. You fell in love with the she wolf. She sucked you in, tempted you, and you fell for it—for her. And I think that we’ve both kind of become frozen, stuck in that moment of our lives, loving the other despite everything. That’s unrealistic, Axel. Because I’m not the wolf hidden beneath Little Red Riding Hood’s cloak.”
I shook my head, straining to comprehend what she was saying. “Bree, why can’t you see it? Why is it so difficult for you to believe that you are the person I’ve always seen? You are the strong, capable, determined wolf behind your eyes. I mean, look at you. Look at where you’ve gone, what you’ve overcome. You said yourself that you’re strong…you’re not the same person as before.”
“I know that, Axel. I know what I’ve made of myself and how far I’ve come to get here. And I’m not saying I’m still the weak girl you met on that first day of school after Christmas break. I’m stronger than her. But that doesn’t mean I’m the person you fell in love with, either.”
“Okay, now it’s my turn. Yes, we have probably both been frozen in time, refusing to let go of the feelings we shared years ago. We’ve both been faced with mountains and obstacles and things being thrown at us. But we’ve survived it all. And we’ve managed to come back together in the end. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Stop telling me who or what version of you I fell in love with. Because the answer is…I fell in love with them all. I still love every single version of you. The mom, the woman, the sister and daughter. I love them all. I love the wolf inside, the one that shines in your eyes. I love the scared little girl that shows in your quivering lips. I love the fighter, the survivor that shows herself in the scars that mark your body,” I said, lifting my finger to run it along the faded scar above her eyebrow that had started it all for me. “So stop telling me that you’re someone other than the person I see when I look into your eyes.”