A tear slipped past her lower lashes and ran swiftly down her cheek before being caught by my thumb. “You don’t get it, Axel. I’m not her. I do what I have to in order to keep going. I put one foot in front of the other. I live for my daughter, and do everything with calculated precision with her in mind. She needs you in her life. She needs her father. I won’t keep you two apart any longer, and if you want her to have your last name, then I will do what I have to do to have it changed. I think that’s an important first step for all of us. And I think it will help open your eyes to the fact that we’ve been stuck in this lie we created years ago, too weak to admit that we were wrong.”
“No, Aubrey,” I said sternly, with a harsh tone that let her know my true feelings. “The only one in denial here is you. You’re letting everyone convince you of everything we fought against when we were together. We knew back then what stood in our way, but we didn’t care, because the only two people that knew what she shared were us. And I refuse to let you forget that.”
She shook her head as the tears rolled out faster. “I don’t need you to keep saving me. Eventually, you’re either going to get tired of it…or I’ll no longer need it, and then what will we have left?”
“I’m not in love with you because you need me. I’m in love with you because I need you. Because you save me. Because you make me weak where it counts, and make me stronger when it’s important. You balance me out and make me whole. Without you, I’m nothing but a broken heart, a lost soul searching for its missing piece. I don’t want to live like that anymore, Bree. I want to live it with you. I want to lean on you in the moments you’re strong and I’m weak. And then I want to hold you when the tables turn.”
“But we’ve both changed so much,” she whispered, hanging on to her fight.
“And we’ll continue to change. We’ll continue to grow, become stronger, become happier. But what I need to know is…do you want to do that with me? Do you want to change, evolve, grow…with me? Together?”
Her eyelids lowered slowly as she closed them, and I hoped she wasn’t garnering the courage to let me down. But once her eyes opened again, shining a fierce yellow, they held me captive, and all the uneasiness vanished from my body. “What if this is a mistake? What if everything that’s happened over the years was nothing more than giant signs letting us know that this is wrong?”
I knew that even through her argumentative words, her pessimistic thoughts, her fight was waning. She sought clarity, and I’d give her that. “And what would those be, Bree? How your history teacher decided to not come back after having a baby, leaving the position open for me during a time you needed someone the most? How you gave me your virginity, and despite the fact that I’d worn a condom, you still managed to get pregnant? You were really sick, you were thrown down a flight of stairs, and yet you still held onto the baby—my baby—our baby. What about how we both moved hours away, and yet somehow, ended up in the same town, years later? Are you talking about how we both used the same land to find peace, coincidently at the same time of night, being within yards of each other before even realizing it was the other person? Me pulling you from the lake, saving you from drowning? Me getting a job as your daughter’s teacher—my daughter’s teacher? Which one of those is the universe using as a sign that we shouldn’t be together, Bree? Because the way I see it, every power is being used to pull us back together…not the other way around.”
“I doubt you’d feel this way if Ayla wasn’t yours.”
“Don’t do that. You’re grasping at straws now. I wanted you back in my life since I walked out of school that day. I’ve been fighting the world every damn day for over six years. When I pulled you from the lake, I had no idea you even had a kid, and I still wanted you in my life. After I found out about her, under the impression that she belonged to someone else, I wanted you. I wanted her. I wanted any part of you I could get. Are you forgetting that I came to you at the hospital? Are you forgetting the passionate night we shared? Or are you making shit up in your head to fit your theory that this won’t work because you’re scared? That I don’t really want you? Are you rewriting history to convince yourself that you don’t want me?”
“Why…” She bent her head down, cradling it in her hands as she sobbed, completely giving up. “Why now, Axel?”
“What do you mean? I’ve been trying to get through to you since you woke up on my couch. I’ve been chasing you for weeks. You’re the one that keeps running away. Why now? Because I can’t wait any longer. I don’t want to wait. I’ve been waiting for six goddamn years, and I don’t want to waste another moment without you in my life.”
She picked up her head, meeting my gaze with a blotchy face and bloodshot eyes. “No…I mean, why now. For me. If we do this now, it’s just going to be me leaning on you again. You saving me again. I want to be able to walk to you on my own two feet, standing strong on my own. Going to you without you questioning if I’m doing it because I want to, or because I don’t have another choice.”
“You’re going to have to be a little clearer here, Aubrey. I’m not following.”
She huffed in frustration and stared at the ceiling, searching for answers in the air. “With everything going on—my dad, you, Ayla—I’ve missed work over the last two weeks. They let me go last night, saying I’m not dependable enough for them. Which is such bullshit, because I’ve been dependable for four years! And now I don’t know what I’m going to do about an income. I have some money saved from the furniture I’ve sold, that I’d planned on using to start my own business, but now I can’t. Because now, I have to dip into that savings in order to live. And now, after I’ve been completely knocked down and kicked repeatedly, it looks like I’m coming back to you because I can’t do it on my own.”
I smiled, not giving a shit that she took it offensively. I couldn’t keep the high from taking over, filling me with hope. “Don’t you see? This is yet another sign…another way for the universe to pull us back together again. After all we’ve been through, you’ve allowed doubt to creep in and obliterate everything you’ve ever believed in when it comes to us. You’ve allowed that doubt to take over and make you think that what we had wasn’t real. That I never really loved you. That I loved a version of you that you can’t see. You’ve actually started to convince yourself that what we had was nothing more than a mirage. But you’ll never convince me of that. You’ll never make me believe that my love for you wasn’t real, or that yours wasn’t, either. Clearly, the universe is pissed at you for doubting us.”
And then she laughed, leaving me offended and confused. “You think the universe fired me, is taking away my income, my family, all so that you can come in on your white horse and save the day again? You think the universe, after all it’s thrown at me, all the shit it’s piled on top of me, wants me to be the damsel in distress? Do you hear yourself? You sound insane.”
“You’re absolutely right, Bree. God doesn’t want us together. He’s made us happy together, miserable apart, separated us when the world was against us, reunited us once we were both in places to freely be together…yet He doesn’t want us to be together. No… He wants to keep us apart.”
I watched as she shook her head, trying with all her might to disagree, but I knew I’d gotten to her. I knew she couldn’t deny it any longer. She knew the truth, she could see it. I’d laid it out for her clearly. My words were logical, hers were irrational. And no matter how hard she fought to remain blind, I was winning. I would win her over. I would never give up.