Like H isn’t standing on my left, helping me through this.
Father Andrew is clueless.
I’m thinking, like, “If the exorcism is like this, does anyone actually ever get rid of the demon?” And H is sort of playing with me, sending me those ideas, those thoughts, those signals, which makes me think that maybe I’m onto something. Maybe it’s all bullshit. Maybe demons stick around, hanging around the people they haunted. Maybe that’s the way it really is.
But then again, I don’t see why that’s a problem. It just means you’re never alone, right?
Father Andrew stops, wiping his forehead with a handkerchief.
“You may step in.”
Father Albert and Becca walk back in, concerned looks on their faces.
Father Andrew says, “Despite what you’ve just heard, it’s nothing compared to what would have actually happened if the spirit had advanced itself into gripping on to Hunter.”
Becca doesn’t understand.
I’m kind of wondering myself. But I’m the subject here, the victim — I notice that they aren’t really talking to me. The conversation is happening around me, and that’s basically how every conversation is. People talk and, really, it doesn’t matter much if I say anything or not. It’s all up to whether I have anything to say or anything I want to say to them.
Father Albert explains to Becca that Father Andrew tested to see whether the unclean spirit had physically attached itself.
“Like…” It’s on the tip of Becca’s tongue.
“Possession,” Father Andrew says, and nods.
Father Albert smiles. “Hunter will be fine. The unclean spirit remains close, but unattached.”
Father Andrew says, “Therefore unable to manipulate Hunter. At this point, the spirit can only tease and do its best to gain attention.”
Yeah, just talk about me like I’m not really here.
Becca asks, “About the exorcism, will both of you, like, be part of it?”
Father Andrew leaves my side, stepping back toward the side of the table where the “normal” people are. The two priests exchange looks.
Father Albert speaks up: “I will explain it to you, dear. We will explain the entire process shortly before it transpires.”
Father Andrew adds, “We will both be in attendance, yes.”
Then they all kind of talk for a while. I can’t hear them. They leave me sitting here like I’m asleep, like I’m not really alive. They leave me here like I’m an outcast or something.
H, what are they saying?
I’m able to hear the phrase “his parents.”
Becca talks for me, as if I asked her to do that. I try to stand up, and the fact that both priests run over to me all concerned makes me feel like I can’t stand up, or that I’m not supposed to stand up, so I fall back into my chair.
It’s Father Albert’s hands on my shoulders that make me twitch.
“Careful, son.”
Father Andrew adding, “You shouldn’t overexert yourself.”
Didn’t they just say that I’m fine?
Becca is all worried. I look at her. She looks right at me. She looks at me like I’m a sad sack.
Hello, Becca. How are you?
Nothing like that is said though. This all happens in one big wave. They talk it out, and then it’s all better again. Becca’s mood changes and she’s happy because, hey, they’ll get rid of H in a few days!
The priests leave, bidding me some kind of fake “good day.”
Father Albert as fake as ever.
Father Andrew at least says something that sticks.
He says, “It’s trying to break you down. It wants to become you. Keep fighting, Hunter. It won’t be long now. Keep fighting.”
They leave. I’m still in the chair.
Becca’s the only one left. She seems really nervous.
I can’t help but think of this in the context of the dream I just had.
H, you want to?
It could be the same thing, but this time H scares her and I watch.
But what she says—“Hunter, I… I can’t be around you right now”—it’s supposed to be heartbreaking. She expects me to say something, waiting around, but then I kind of just shrug and stare at her.
It’s like, Hey, what do you expect? I’m haunted. You liked it up until a few days ago: popular by proxy, boyfriend the talk of the entire school.
Becca breaks into tears. “Hunter…”
Don’t say anything. Don’t break the mood you have going here.
Becca wipes the tears away, smearing a bit of her eyeliner. “Hunter, I don’t know what to say.” Then she’s gone, leaving the room.
I hear the front door shut.
Like flicking a switch, I feel better.
I say, “Well, that was intense.”
H seems to think so too.
School. Tomorrow. Seems impossible.
But then, maybe it won’t be.
Besides, like Father Albert said, I’m going to be fine, right?
Ready or not, here I come.
9
PEOPLE LOOK AT ME DIFFERENTLY. I’M ALL ABOUT THAT difference. I think I’ve made that statement before. I can’t remember. Some things are cloudy while others are clear like water. I like water. It cleanses the soul, whatever that means. I’m kind of just rambling until I get to first period.
People are looking at me and it’s hard to not look back. They look, but now it’s not with those sparkling eyes, it’s not with that way where they’ll walk up to you, wanting to talk to you.
No one is talking to me.
Everyone’s a whole lot like…
How to describe it…
I’m getting this “stay back” vibe. Kind of like how people treat anyone who is contagious. But I’m not contagious.
They just know what I’m capable of.
Well, I mean, they know what H is capable of.
Walking toward my locker, I catch a few people literally stepping back like I’m going to attack them or something. I laugh and say, “Guess you were at my party, huh?”
It doesn’t hurt me.
Not after Nikki.
Not after it became obvious that this is all it is. It’s the same, but different. Like seeing things from H’s perspective:
It’s the same but I’m just getting a different take.
It adds depth. It shows me how people can act one way but really be something else. I mean, I do it too. I used to be better at it. You know that. I’ve stopped trying, I guess.
They just want the attention.
Hell, I want the attention too.
I mean, I wanted their attention. Past tense. Don’t want it anymore.
Father Andrew says that H wants my attention. I can see that. I meet him in my dreams and they become far more interesting than any of this.
This school day is even more of a blur than usual.
It’s like I’m really asleep, and during those dreams, I’m really awake.
What was it that Father Andrew said?
Cognitive dissonance, confusion, loss of time…
Yeah, I can see that. But maybe it’s just because everything else is the same. I look around and I don’t find anything here. I find only the same things. Those same things want stuff from me. Everyone wants something from me. Like I owe them something.
I walk these halls and I don’t have to push through a crowd. Everyone steps out of the way. I’m untouchable.
I should feel embarrassed, but somehow, I’m protected from their gossip, their whispers, by the fact that I know how fickle they are.
Classes run together and I get really bored.