“Well, it feels nice,” I said.
Millicent wrinkled her nose.
“And it is a kind of intimacy that is otherwise not possible.”
“I never liked it,” Millicent said.
“Well, the stuff when you were hooking doesn’t count.”
“Why not?”
“I assume there were no emotions involved. Nobody liked anybody. Just fucking. Just a commercial transaction. How about before that?”
“Couple of times with kids at school.”
“Any special kid?”
“No, once with Chuck Sanders and Tommy Lee, and once with a guy named Roy.”
“Chuck and Tommy at the same time?”
“Yeah, first one, then the other, in Tommy’s car.”
“Did you like them both?”
She shrugged.
“How about Roy, did you like him?”
“He was nice. Tommy and Chuck kind of hurt. Roy didn’t so much.”
“I think you need to suspend judgment on sex,” I said. “Your experience is with fucking, not with love-making.”
“What’s the difference?”
“It’s the difference between pleasure and pain,” I said.
Millicent shrugged again. We were quiet. Rosie had rolled over on her back so I could rub her stomach.
“What do you like to do besides watch television?” I said.
“Nothing.”
I could have given that answer for her.
“What do you think you know the most about?”
“I know a lot about getting by on the street,” she said.
“Yes,” I said. “You do. Anything else?”
She thought about it, but not for long. When she had stopped thinking, she shrugged.
“Street-smart is good,” I said. “I find use for it myself. But if there were more than being street-smart, life would be more fun.”
“Fun?”
“Yes. A foreign concept, I know. But one of the things that it is good to do in life is have fun.”
“Like what?”
“Like being with people you love.”
“Oh sure, like you?”
“I’m not,” I said. “But I don’t doubt its charm. It’s also fun to love a dog, and look at art, and listen to music, and follow baseball, and go to the movies, and eat well, and read some books, and work out... stuff like that.”
“That doesn’t sound like fun to me.”
“What’s fun to you?” I said.
Millicent didn’t say anything.
“You like Rosie?” I said.
“She’s okay.”
“God, don’t let her hear you say that she’s okay,” I said. “She thinks she’s the queen of cute.”
Millicent smiled slightly. I was on a hot streak. We sat some more. The blank gray screen of Spike’s television sat silently before us. Waiting.
“Let’s make supper together,” I said.
“I don’t know how,” Millicent said.
“Me either,” I said. “We can get through it together.”
Chapter 28
Julie and I were having tea at a little place called LouLou’s in Harvard Square near where Julie had her office.
“How awful for that girl,” Julie said. “Can’t you just turn it over to the police?”
“I’m working with a police detective on the men who came to my place. Brian says he can leave Millicent out of it for now. But I haven’t told him about Millicent’s mother.”
Outside of LouLou’s the pedestrians and motorists were having their ongoing stare down where Brattle Street wound down from the Square.
“Because?” Julie said.
“Because I have to know more about what’s going on, before I put her in the position of testifying against her own mother.”
“Brian’s the police detective?”
“Un huh.”
“Brian?”
“Yes.”
“He cute?” Julie said.
“Quite.”
“And?”
“And we had lunch the other day and I enjoyed it,” I said.
“And?”
“And we’ll see.”
“Can Richie help you with this?” Julie said.
“With Brian?”
“No, not with Brian. Can he help you find out who sent those men to your loft.”
“I’m already asking him to baby-sit,” I said. “Divorce means going it on your own, I think.”
“Being a professional means using the resources you have,” Julie said.
“And Richie’s a resource?”
“A good one. You know that.”
“Yes. I do know that.”
We were sharing a pot of Japanese sour cherry-flavored green tea. I poured some through the strainer for Julie and some for me.
“Is the girl a basket case?” Julie said.
“She doesn’t have enough affect to be a basket case.”
“She’s withdrawn?”
“I don’t know the therapy term for it. She doesn’t know anything. No one seems to have taken any time to tell her anything. She has no interests. Love, sex, affection puzzle her. She doesn’t like dogs.”
“You can forgive her that?” Julie said.
“The dogs?” I said. “I’m trying to get past that.”
“What does she do all day?”
“Watch television.”
“Anything that’s on?” Julie said.
“Anything.”
“She’s shut down,” Julie said. “She can’t handle the world she faces, so she effectively withdraws from it. Does she do drugs?”
“She had some pot with her when I grabbed her,” I said. “But she smoked that. Since she’s been with me she hasn’t bought any.”
“If she was using heavier stuff there’d be signs that she missed it,” Julie said.
“That would be my guess, too.”
My tea was gone.
“I’ll have to get going soon,” I said. “Spike’s got to go to work.”
Julie nodded.
“I wish I could help, but—” She shrugged. “I can’t have her with me. The kids, Michael? You know what Michael’s like. He doesn’t like anybody but me.”
“I know. I wouldn’t ask you.”
“I guess I’m lucky he likes me so much,” Julie said. “But it’s not the easiest thing in the world to be someone’s entire social life.”
“I know.”
“Sometimes we’re having dinner, out, you know, nice place, and he’s looking at me and I know he’s wanting me to say something like Scarlett O’Hara or somebody. Something outrageously romantic.”
“And you can’t.”
“And I can’t,” Julie said. “And I want to smack him for wanting me to.”
“I know,” I said. “Julie, I have to go. I’ve got to get back so Spike can leave.”
“Like having a kid,” Julie said.
“Without the pleasures of conception,” I said.
“Or the pains of delivery,” Julie said.
“On the other hand, you didn’t have to shoot anybody,” I said.
“Look at us arguing who’s worse off,” Julie said. “I’ll admit I wouldn’t trade places with you.”
“Wait’ll my sex life picks up,” I said.
“Then I’ll be jealous,” Julie said.
We stood. I left some money on the table and we went out onto Brattle Street.
“Sunny,” Julie said, as we walked up toward the T station in the square, “this is too hard to be proud about. Call Richie. See if he can help. You owe it to Millicent. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to Rosie.”
“Rosie,” I said.
Julie nodded.
“I hadn’t thought about Rosie.”
Julie nodded some more.
“I guess I’ll have to call.”
“Yes,” Julie said, “you will.”
Chapter 29
I was sitting with Bucko Meehan again, but this time Richie was with me. We were in a place off Rutherford Avenue which claimed that its steak tips were world-famous. Bucko was eating some. Richie and I were having coffee.
“Are they really world-famous?” I said.