She cracks a grin.
Ryuk glances between his two guildmates. “Is that, um, some sort of joke?”
“There isn’t really a Thulean word for thank you,” she finally says. “There is a tone of voice used when one is showing appreciation.”
Ryuk nods. He appreciates Thulean culture, any culture really, but the lack of an ability to say ‘thank you’ seems foreign to him as a person from Japan.
“A half bottle of a store-brand healing potion, eh?” Hiccup stands, spits on his cousin’s dead body, and chugs it down. “Fick it, that’s not so bad, actually.” He examines the bottle. “HEB Central Market Healing Brew, huh? Whatever the hell that is, it ain’t bad!” He gives his cousin’s dead body another solid kick. “Not bad at all.”
(0)__(0)
Ryuk hears some grunting over his shoulder. He glances back at the pair of muscled orcs sliding crates onto a pallet. “Should we help them?” he asks Hiccup as the goblin approaches.
“Fick me to tears, Marbles, howzabout we let the drug peddlers, I mean pharmaceutical professionals, do their thing, and we do our thing – protect them. Now both of you, heal your asses up.”
Ryuk goes with one of the generic healing potions in his inventory list. He can’t remember how he got it. Maybe Dirty Dave.
+100 HP!
Zaena equips a grenade-shaped Hopkins’ and takes a long sip from it. “In Athos, there is a restaurant that uses Hopkins’ to make a special marinade. I thought you may appreciate this, goblin.”
Hiccup’s eyes go wide. “Gimme, gimme, gimme. You’ve been holding out on me! And the name … ” he growls.
“Hiccupanaratapana, correct?”
“That’s right,” he says, “but your pronunciation is off.”
Zaena scoffs.
“Now stop bogarting the Hopkins’.” He tries to swipe the potion away from her but she uses her ghost limb to lift it higher into the air.
As they bicker over the healing potion, Ryuk remembers his last trip to Athos, the capital of the final floating continent of Tritania.
To reach Ultima Thule, one must be at level thirty-five, that is unless they were an RPC or an NPC born there, like Zaena. In fact, she can travel to any continent she so desires regardless of level requirements, which makes Ryuk wonder again why she chose Hyperborea. She never told him, and she continues to keep quiet about her past.
“Eyes forward.” Hiccup tosses the healing potion over his shoulder and his little tomahawk appears in his hands.
Three players approach, their features covered in shadows.
I get this now! Ryuk thinks as his Extreme Focus skill forms red outlines around the approaching three. Our success in this mission depends upon defending the choke point. In that case…
Ryuk: Zaena, take the rooftop opposite mine and equip your bows. Hiccup, hit the alleys and come around back. We have two incoming Dark Archers, one Ballistics Mage, all below level six. They’re all artillery.
Zaena lifts herself to the top of the fishery using her ghost limbs. Hiccup disappears like a fart during a hurricane. Ryuk glances around and notices that a few crates and barrels are stacked in a way that he’ll be able to scale in no time. He gets to the top crate, and from there, onto the roof of the fishery opposite Zaena.
The enemy Ballistics Mage shouts, “Face us!” He fires a black marble at one of the fisheries, exploding out a window.
No sense in wasting a mag. A smile creeps across Ryuk’s face as he levels the Mage with a couple of sword marbles using his slingshot.
-62 HP! - 38 HP!
“What the hell!?” the Mage bellows.
-53 HP! Another sword marble puts the Mage in a bad place.
The slingshot magic wielder falls instantly and the archers backtrack for cover.
Fwhip!
-56 HP! One of Zaena’s arrows goes through the shoulder of a fleeing archer. He hits the ground hard, and takes cover before she can get him with a follow-up.
Ryuk takes the other archer down with a sword marble to the back as Zaena zings two more into his body.
“Hey! I wanted to kill someone!” The goblin skids out of an alley and drops his hands on his knees. He huffs in big gulps of breath as he realizes that one of the archers is still alive.
He brings his tomahawk up and …
Fwhip!
Instakill!
“Dammit, Liz, I’m the one that needs the fickin’ experience!”
An idea comes to Ryuk. This will totally work.
“Hiccup, want to play a game?” he calls down to the goblin.
“Do I want to play a game … does a Thulean fick in the woods?”
Ryuk considers this for a moment. “I really have no idea.”
“Well ask Liz, go on, I’m waiting.”
Ryuk looks over to Zaena and she shakes her head no. A message appears on his viewing pane.
Zaena: We could both kill Hiccup right now and just handle this ourselves.
Ryuk: Trust me, I got a better idea.
“Well, did you ask her?”
Ryuk points to a place between the two fisheries. “The game is called Honey Trap, or at least I think that’s what it’s called. I might be wrong. Anyway, you get the point. I want you to lead whoever comes down that pathway towards the choke point between these two fisheries. Zaena and I will handle the rest. You in?”
Hiccup’s horned helm appears on his head. “I can’t believe I forgot to equip my helmet. No wonder I wasn’t getting that much loot. Speaking of which … ” He searches the three they’ve just killed. “Sweet! One of the archers has some ink shadow tears. I dunno what the fick he has these for, but with the bearadillo hide I scored and my Tuskarr Tusks, it’s high time I get to crafting something!”
He can craft?
Hiccup stands, scratches his ass and looks up at Ryuk. “What were we doing again?”
“Honey Trap. It’s a fun game. Just walk up there a ways and lead anyone and everyone to this point here.” Ryuk motions with his marble gun. “Zaena and I will take care of the rest.”
The goblin nods as a conniving grin spreads across his face. “Not a bad plan at all, Marbles. Glad I came up with it!”
(0)__(x)
For the next forty minutes or so, the three Mitherfickers whoop the living hell out of a good number of lesser guilds. Their honey trap strategy remains the same: Hiccup lures them in and Ryuk and Zaena pick them off.
The goblin has even gotten a little creative with it – defying all laws of physics and violating international treaties both in the Proxima Galaxy and in the real world, the robust goblin has somehow managed to get a bright pink tutu over his armor, and has taken to mocking their opponents by aiming his rectal turbulences in their general direction.
While Ryuk hasn’t received any new skills, he and Hiccup have both moved up a level, meaning Ryuk is now able to pass to the second floating continent of Tritania – Polynya – and Hiccup is one level away from doing so. Zaena has also gained a level.
Ryuk quickly checks their stats in a brief break between combat:
Ryuk Matsuzaki Level 15 Ballistics Mage
HP: 323/445
ATK: 97
MATK: 128
DEF: 76
MDF: 49
LUCK: 12
Hiccup Level 14 Shield Thief
HP: 579/620
ATK: 82
MATK: 14
DEF: 181
MDF: 85