I loved Lucas. But was I ready to be a father? I didn’t like the direction my thoughts were heading. “Do you think Shawn or his agent will give you a second chance now that you’ve pulled out of the tour?”
Cassie blinked and I knew my question had hit home. She didn’t stray from her course. “The only second chance I need is with Lucas.”
The sky chose that moment to split wide open. A wall of rain broke over us and I rushed toward Cassie. My arms engulfed her and I pushed her toward the entrance of the underground parking lot. When we made it back to the car, we were positively soaked. And positively mute.
I grabbed a sweater I’d thrown on the back seat before the funeral and handed it to Cassie. She thanked me and swiftly removed her white shirt, which was now see-through after the rain. I forced my eyes to look away from her lacy bra and reminded myself we were still in a public place. Reminded myself we were technically still arguing.
I drove in silence towards the motel where we’d been staying for the last couple of nights. It was close to the Sorensons’ house. It was a bit sleazy and I wasn’t a fan of Cassie staying here on her own. I kept my mouth shut though and packed the few clothes I’d taken with me on Saturday before flying to Phoenix.
When I checked the time, I didn’t like it. I had to get to the airport, back to D.C, and the rift between Cassie and me was still wide open. I slung the bag over my shoulder. Cassie stood from the edge of the bed where she’d been sitting the short time I was getting ready.
“What’s bothering you?” she asked.
“I’m going to ask it. Sorry if this sounds like I’m overstepping the line, but do you have enough to pay for the extra nights here and the trip back to Steep Hill?”
She answered me with a shy smile. “I do. Thanks for asking.”
There was nothing else to say. I had to make a move now or I’d miss my plane. I opened the door, Cassie close behind me. I gave the room one last look, ending on the bed we’d slept in, our bodies intertwined.
Cassie was there next to me, but her heart was closed up. I couldn’t leave knowing that. I stepped toward her and looped my arm around her waist. She rested her head against my chest. My free hand stroked her neck and pulled her closer against me. My mouth took hers, my lips, my tongue owning hers. I didn’t tease. The kiss wasn’t foreplay. I wanted it to have its own meaning.
When I stepped outside, the slight shake of Cassie’s hands and lips made me feel good about myself. Not for long though, “Goodbye then.” I tried to make the words sound all casual. “Each time I leave you I feel that silent fear inside me, the fear I might never see you again, that you could change your mind and break my heart all over again.”
I’d said too much. I waved at her with the tips of my fingers and turned away.
“Champ!” I stopped and looked back at her standing against the doorframe. “I’m not sacrificing anything.” I couldn’t miss the tears that meshed with her voice. “I’m happy never to set foot on stage ever again and simply sing off-tune under my shower every morning. As long as I make him happy.”
“I want to look after Lucas, but I also have to look after you. Make sure you’re both happy because one goes with the other.”
“I’m doing exactly what I want to do. Not just for Lucas or you, but for myself too.”
“I trust you, Cass, as long as you’re sure you’re telling the truth. To me and to yourself.”
CHAPTER 13
Cassie.
Two days since I arrived in Steep Hill and I couldn’t avoid Woodie any longer. I wanted to see him. But now, each time I was going to see him, it’d be a package deaclass="underline" Woodie and Clarissa.
So I’d finally accepted their invitation for dinner. Ten minutes into our chitchat, and they’d broken their big news.
The news that my best friend was getting married to my high-school nemesis.
Clarissa hadn’t stopped babbling. “I’ve always dreamed of a Christmas wedding. There’ll be snow and we can all have eggnog in Woodie’s barn. What about one of those sleighs to take us away from the church?”
The image that sprang to my mind was of freakin’ reindeers flying through Steep Hill, Kansas, with Woodie and his bride on the backseat. The weirdest thing was that Woodie didn’t seem one bit concerned about making a fool of himself. He kept gaping at his fiancée across the dining table and I wanted to wipe the saliva that dripped from his mouth with my napkin.
“… like at your wedding, Cassie.”
Double-take and back to my hosts… and the nicely-laid table Clarissa had arranged for my welcome-home dinner. “Come again?”
“The snowball fight we had outside the church?”
I remembered the snowball fight. I didn’t remember Clarissa at my wedding though. Was she even invited?
She clasped her hands together. “I loved your wedding. It was so romantic, like in The Notebook.”
I choked on the beer I’d just gulped down. I coughed again while tapping my chest. Clarissa handed me another napkin, a dry one, to clean my chin. Classy! I doubt the girls spat beer on themselves in any of those mushy stories.
“Your gran used to love that book, remember?” That was Woodie asking.
“That she did.” And I used to pretend I hated it by sticking my fingers in my mouth and fake puking. It used to drive Gran up the wall, me and my un-ladylike manners.
“More cheesecake?” Clarissa asked. The curls of her hair fell gracefully over her shoulders. She was slimmer than she used to be… with the exception of her boobs, of course. To tell the truth, I’d always been a tiny bit jealous of her breasts. Not that I’d ever admit it to anyone.
“Yes, thank you. I’m impressed you made it yourself.” I handed her my empty plate for another helping. What was it with all those women with crazy good baking skills?
I got my very generous slice of cheesecake.
“She woke up before dawn this morning to make it.” Woodie covered Clarissa’s hand with his, his eyes brimming with puppy love. “In case it didn’t work and she had to start again. She’s practiced baking that cake so many times I’ve gained twenty pounds.”
Had I missed something over the last six years when I drove past her and ignored Clarissa? Had she been holding out a hand to me all this time? Totally possible. I’d had my head so far up my own ass, chewing on self-pity, I’d seen nobody. Not even my best friend falling in love with a girl I was supposed to hate forever and ever.
Back in high school, Clarissa had practiced giving blow-jobs the same way she baked cheesecakes today: By virtue of repetition. Whatever she’d done then, the only one who’d been hurt had been her. At least, I’d hoped so! What I’d done right at that time, lying and taking life-changing decisions away from Josh, had hurt so many more people in much deeper ways, it couldn’t compare.
Was Josh right? Was I making the same mistakes all over again?
The question filled my mouth with a bitter taste that spoiled my appetite for the cheesecake. Later on, Woodie offered to walk me back to my half-dead Chevy. I was about to step on the porch of the small house my best friend had built on the edge of his parents’ farm, when I spun around nearly bumping into his bulky chest. Clarissa was already busy tidying the table.
“Clarissa, I’m happy—” I stammered, “I’m happy for the two of you, happy you found each other.”
She froze mid-way through carefully folding a napkin. Her mouth shaped into a weak smile and I swear tears twinkled in her eyes.
“Thank you, Cassie. It means so much to me that you approve of me being with Woodie.”