Bry should’ve been found too, as soon as his wife returned home. His stinking corpse was left in the middle of the living room-he should’ve been the first thing she saw. And if she didn’t see him, she should’ve at least tripped over him. She should’ve called the police by now. Unless . . . .
Unless she never returned home. Maybe she finally figured he was cheating on her and left for good. Or maybe she did come back home and panicked when she found the body. Or had a heart attack and dropped dead herself. Or . . . .
Or the hell with it. It wasn’t worth worrying about. Eventually both bodies were going to be found, and when they were, the police would make the connection. They’d find that Mary’s gun was used on Bry. They’d have to figure it was a murder-suicide. As long as they didn’t screw up. As long as it didn’t take them too long to find Bry’s body, because if it took too long there was a chance they’d miss the connection. And that would mean Mary’s suicide wouldn’t make a damn bit of sense.
I started panicking. If the suicide couldn’t be explained, the police wouldn’t be satisfied with it. Maybe they’d start poking around and come up with something crazy. Maybe if they had reason to dig deep enough, they’d find something. I had planned on it being an open and shut case, and because of that I wasn’t as careful as I could have been. There were things they could find out. That I hitchhiked down the mountain. Or that I’d been seen near the convenience store. Or a dozen other things I hadn’t thought of and didn’t bother planning for.
Looking back at it now, I know I was making a mountain out of what wasn’t even half a molehill. But when you’re on edge and things don’t work out as expected your mind starts acting up. Instead of looking at things straight on, you see them from angles that don’t even exist. Before long, you’re talking yourself into possibilities that make no sense at all. And the crazier the idea, the more you start believing it.
That was what was going through my mind. I almost picked up the phone and called the police, thinking I’d leave an anonymous tip about Bry. I almost called them, and brother, if I had it would have been suicide. It would’ve tipped the cops off that it wasn’t the way it appeared.
Well, I had too much sense to call them-even in the condition I was in. But I was too fidgety-too nervous to sit still. I headed off to my office.
Chapter 30
I guess none of you had forgotten about Marge’s letter, the one I took from her purse. Well, I hadn’t forgotten about it either. I had it out on my desk, kind of playing with it, trying to decide what to do. Part of me wanted to throw it away, but I figured if Marge was going to spend the time and effort to write it, the least I could do was read what she had to say. Except there were those red smudges all over the envelope, and I just didn’t know if it would do me any good to read it, and . . . .
I opened it. The letter read:
Johnny,
I cried for two days straight when I realized what you did to me. At first, I wanted to tell you to go to hell, but Johnny, I can’t. I don’t want to. I hurt so bad without you. I’m typing this because when I think about it, I start shaking and I don’t want you laughing at my handwriting.
I don’t care why you did it, Johnny. That’s what I decided. It doesn’t matter. Whatever the reason, I forgive you. I know deep down you didn’t want to hurt me. I know you’re in trouble, and I want to help you. Whatever it is, please trust me and let me help. You don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything. That funny looking man I saw you with in the lobby came by after you left. He was furious. He claimed you owed him twenty-five hundred dollars. Don’t worry about it, Johnny. I took care of it. I had my mother wire me the extra money, and I paid him. You don’t have to worry about him.
I don’t know what else to say, except . . . .
Except three more pages of the same stuff. She ended it by telling me how much I meant to her, and how she’d always be there for me. Well, I guess she exaggerated some because she was no longer around and at that moment I needed her more than I ever needed anything.
Of course, I didn’t have to kill her, at least not when I did. She would have found out about Bert Debbles, but she would have kept quiet about it. I wouldn’t have had to worry about her, at least not right away. Eventually, I’d have had to take care of her, though. Because she would have used the old man as a chain to keep us bound together. She’d use his corpse to beat me down. To keep me in line. To suffocate me. I knew her well enough to know that.
Anyway, I probably would have had to deal with her long before that. Probably even before I’d gotten sick and tired of her. Because she would know about the old man. Even if she kept her mouth shut, she’d still know and no amount of pretending on her part would be able to hide it. She’d start looking at me funny, maybe not so I could notice, but I’d know she’d be doing it. And there would be all those questions just busting to come loose. She’d struggle to keep them in that pretty little head of hers, but they’d come bubbling out of her soon enough, each one of them hitting me like a lead pipe to the gut. And waiting for them would be about as bad.
No, I had no choice with Marge, just like I had no choice with any of it. I didn’t ask Bert Debbles to come to Denver to blackmail me. I didn’t ask Marge to follow me to his room. Or Jerry Bry to thumb his nose at me, or M-Mary to . . . .
I-I did what I had to, just like I always have.
* * * * *
Later that afternoon, a homicide detective came by. He heard the same story from Marge’s mom that Braggs heard, and wanted to ask me about it. I explained to him what happened, and he felt kind of bad, you know, prying into my personal affairs and all. Well, to make sure he understood there were no hurt feelings, I offered him a drink. No, he couldn’t, not while on duty. Well, maybe a wee one, just so he wouldn’t be unsociable. We shared half a bottle together, and by the time he left he had tears in his eyes, seeing how shaken up I was over Marge, and feeling ashamed for bringing it up. I couldn’t blame him, and I told him so. After all, he was only doing his job. Doing what he had to. Like all the rest of us.
* * * * *
I was feeling kind of low. I headed over to the Corner Diner, hoping Carol would be working. It picked me right up when I saw her behind the counter, but I guess she was in a sour mood herself. Instead of joking around with me like she should have, she made some smartass comments back to me. Sh-She even gave me a look, like maybe there was something wrong with me. After I paid the check I picked up every goddamned penny from the counter. She opened her mouth as if she were going to say something about it, but then she looked into my face and knew better.
* * * * *
I woke up in the early morning wondering why it was so quiet. It was the type of quiet you have only when it’s dark and the air is dead still. The type of quiet where you can’t help but hear your blood rushing through your head. It was the type you try not paying attention to.
I laid there, feeling anxious, like a kid waiting to open his Christmas presents, but not knowing what’s in store. Or maybe knowing and dreading it.
I couldn’t figure out why I was so anxious. Or why it was so quiet. I started thinking about Marge, thinking about when she was going to show up next. I laughed, because she was always showing up when I didn’t want her to. Any minute now she was going to be ringing the doorbell, all ready to bust out of her clothing. And well, I’d have no choice but to help her out of it and . . . .
And I remembered about the room-about what happened when Marge went into that room. It didn’t make any sense. Why would a robber have to do that to her? Even if he was doped up, he didn’t have to kill her, at least not like that. Twisting her head around like she was a plastic doll. It was all so senseless, and . . . .