“No,” I looked down at my feet and shook my head, “that I remember.” I sighed and walked over to the dinette chair that sat furthest from Melanie. “Where’s Sarah?”
“What?”
“I said, where is Sarah?”
“She’s down the street playing with a friend. I didn’t want her to see this. What does she have to do with this?” “Sit down.”
“No!” she yelled.
“You’re going to want to sit down.”
Melanie reluctantly plopped into a chair but she sat on the chair furthest from me with her legs to the side ready to run. Where she thought she would run I don’t know. If I had wanted to hurt her it would not have been difficult to catch her.
I told Melanie the story of Catherine’s murder. I shared every detail with her from my visit to the police station to our stay in the hotel and finally Catherine’s infidelity and the unlikelihood that I was Sarah’s natural father. Then I told her everything I knew about Amber’s death and the lengths to which I had gone to protect Sarah and myself as well as to try to give closure to Amber’s family.
“Sarah couldn’t have done that!” Melanie’s voice was filled with doubt.
“The truth is that I thought you had done it at first. But then you came over completely hysterical looking for ‘that cunt’ and I knew that you hadn’t done it. I realized then that Sarah had killed Amber. Sarah wanted us to move in with you and I told her that we couldn’t because of Amber. She had asked me what would happen if Amber should die.” I shrugged, “I didn’t give it a serious thought. But afterwards I knew.”
Melanie’s eyes were still wide and her lips pursed.
“Wait,” I jumped up from my seat startling Melanie so that she jumped as if she were going to bolt toward the front door. “I just remembered something else.” I said, stepping past her cringing frame. I stepped into the bedroom and opened my closet door. I reached inside my sport-coat pocket and pulled a white envelope from my breast pocket and I walked back into the kitchen and handed the letter to Melanie. She read it slowly and then reread it, as though the words hadn’t sunk in on the first pass.
“She had that in her purse. I found it that same morning. She was setting me free.
Melanie’s face dissolved into a flaccid sag and the tension in her continence slackened. “But how could Sarah have cut
Amber’s throat? She’s only a child?”
“I asked the same question. But she had killed before. And she was upset because she knew that Amber was the reason we fought that day. And she knew that Amber was the reason that we couldn’t move in with you.” I exhaled a deep sigh, “God knows I love her or I wouldn’t be here…but I’m afraid that she’s a sociopath.”
Melanie simultaneously shook and bowed her head and spoke softly. “I don’t believe you. She couldn’t have…”
“Well it’s true.” I stood up slowly and expected Melanie to jump up again, still fearful of me, but she just sat there in shock.
“She’s just a sweet little girl.”
“Do you think I would put the blame for such a thing on my own daughter if it wasn’t true? I’ve been protecting her all this time, but look where it’s gotten me. But I won’t let them touch her. The truth is that the police wouldn’t believe me if I told them what happened anyway…but I would never let them take her away. She’s my life…along with you.” I looked at Melanie’s face and waited for her to raise her head so that I could read her eyes, “You two are all I have. If you want to call the police and tell them that I did it, go ahead. I won’t move. Without the two of you my life is meaningless.”
“No. She couldn’t have done it. She’s only nine years old. She wouldn’t know how to do it.”
“The night she killed Amber we watched the movie Psycho.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I’m not saying that she learned how to use a knife from a movie…but afterwards I wondered if it gave her the idea. I don’t know. I don’t know what I could have done to prevent it. I latched the bedroom door.
Amber must have gotten up for a glass of water and left the door unlocked.”
“She couldn’t have used a knife like that.” Melanie was staring off into space as she envisioned Sarah committing the final act.
“I love you Melanie. I wouldn’t let her hurt you. That’s why I bolt the door at night.” Melanie stood and stepped toward me and fell into my arms and I held her and stroked the nape of her neck. I nuzzled her shoulder as I cried softly with her.
Melanie pulled away from me suddenly and looked up at me, “She would never hurt me…would she?”
“I don’t think so, but I won’t take that chance.” I pulled her back to me. “It was jealousy that inspired her to kill Catherine. To some degree it was jealousy that spurred her into killing Amber. She…must have walked in on us once while we were…” I left my sentence unfinished. “Sarah doesn’t appear jealous of you at all. You two are so close. I didn’t tell you for many reasons, but most importantly I didn’t want you to see her as a monster.”
Melanie leaned into my chest. The day had come that I had been dreading. Melanie knew my secret. I wondered as I held her, the heat of her trembling body warming me and the smell of her strawberry shampoo tickling my nose, if she could still love Sarah. As we stood there comforting one another, absently stroking each other, I heard Sarah’s labored strides begin to trundle up the back stairwell; her little feet sounding like fine sandpaper as the soles of her shoes slid across the wooden steps.
When Sarah entered the room she was clutching a cuddly blond-haired doll to her chest and she was smiling as though pleased at the sight of Melanie and me in an embrace. Melanie pulled herself suddenly away from me and looked up at me with a fearful expression.
I could tell that the thought had struck her that to embrace me in front of Sarah could result in her demise. But I also knew that Sarah didn’t feel that way. I forced a smile before bending down to Sarah and hugging her.
“Were you crying?” Sarah’s said to
Melanie as she looked up at her, her voice a little distressed.
“No, honey.” Melanie sniffled, “I was just peeling onions and they made my eyes tear up…remember how they made you cry when you helped me cut them last time.”
“Yes.” Sarah smiled, relieved.
15
Despite the lock on the door Melanie had trouble sleeping at night. All through the weekend she seemed to be groggy and tired. The next week wasn’t any better. She tossed and turned through the nights to the point that I couldn’t sleep. Our lovemaking had ceased completely. Melanie was far too stressed; far too edgy to think about intimacy. “What’s the matter?” I asked as I tried to initiate the act.
“I keep thinking of Sarah…cutting Amber’s throat. I can’t get the image out of my mind. I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. I’ve lost my share of sleep over it too. Maybe you should see a doctor; maybe get some pills; something to relieve your anxiety or to help you to sleep.”
On that Monday night Melanie slept quietly with the help of her doctor’s prescription. She took a pill about an hour before we went to bed and she began snoring in the middle of making love to me for what would have been the first time in almost two weeks had we completed the act.
The male ego is such a fragile thing. I was actually a little wounded at her having been able to fall asleep while I tried to make love to her despite my knowledge of the reason. I found it interesting how uninviting her body became, warm and supple as it was, as she snored through my effort to copulate. It was like screwing a corpse. Her body lay flaccid beneath me and her listlessness killed my mood, but I was pleased to see her sleeping. I knew that she must have been exhausted. I hoped that she was dreaming of better things.