“You don’t care do you?” I fought back the misplaced hurt I felt and grabbed onto the counter for strength to hold in my emotions. He continued to wash the dishes with a shrug of his shoulders.
“Caring doesn’t make a difference. It just gets people killed.”
“Maybe you’re just incapable of feeling anything.”
“I feel many things: anger, hatred, pain, lust. I don’t need to feel anything else.”
“What about love, compassion, and happiness?” He finally looked at me a smirk as if he was amused by my question. “I don’t believe in it.”
“Then I feel sorry for you.”
“I’ll live. Those emotions you carry on your sleeve are what makes you weak…but you also feel anger and hatred too, don’t you?”
“Who exactly would I have to hate?”
“Your parents. You think they abandoned you and left you here to suffer. You think that if they weren’t gone then the past ten years wouldn’t have happened. You hate your aunt too. If she didn’t take you in, if she didn’t love you, then you wouldn’t be here. You don’t believe in love but you are a hypocrite.”
“Get out,” I barked. He leaned against the sink, crossed his legs, and continued to watch me with a knowing look in his eyes and his ever-present smirk. Anger like I’d never felt before passed over me so I grabbed the motherfucker by the horns and held on.
A knife was in my hands with no recollection of how it got there. I charged toward him, ready to hurt him like he’d hurt me. When I was close enough, I raised my arm higher. His foot shot out, kicking my feet from under me and I was falling, the knife snatched out of my hands. He was on me before I could move, spreading my legs open and pressing the knife against my throat.
“You want to hurt me?” he said, unbuttoning my jeans and shoving them down my legs. “You wouldn’t even know where to begin because first I’d have to give a fuck,” he growled and thrust into me. His fist in my hair pulled my head back as he thrust savagely into me. My screams were just as wild and wanton as I pushed my hips back to take more of him. He pressed the knife deeper against my throat and leaned down to whisper in my ear. “I should kill you right now and put you out of the fucking misery you claim to live in every day but I can’t let you go. Fuck me, I can’t let you go,” he repeated with a single hard thrust and then he was coming, spilling his seed into my unprotected body.
* * *
“Hey, the fair tonight, are we going?” Sheldon drawled as she appeared, leaning against the lockers with a leg propped up behind her. I’d been distracted by the many thoughts racing through my head.
“Uh, I’m not sure…”
“Come on, Lake this is my only night off this week!” Willow exclaimed as she walked into our conversation. She never could resist the Ferris wheel. “Besides you owe me a prize,” she pouted.
“Alright, alright. Don’t lose your panties,” I snapped. Willow looked at me in shock, mirroring my own surprise. I never talked to Willow like that. I mumbled a quick sorry and opened my locker to store my books for lunch but it was slammed back by a small hand with red fingertips.
“I don’t know what you told my man, but you better stay away from him or you’ll be sorry. Keiran is mine.”
“Funny, I’ve heard that before.” I mentally gagged at the stench of pure evil coming from the she-witch named Anya. “You better move that hand,” I warned. I was still angry from this morning and the disaster that happened after the argument. To say I was scared shitless was an understatement and it wasn’t because he threatened to kill me with a knife digging into my throat.
“Or what, loser. You need to stop whoring –”
She didn’t get to finish that statement because she was eating metal at the moment. I subdued her with a strong hand against her skull, pushing her face into the locker. I swear I could hear her teeth scraping against the locker. Note to self: disinfect that later.
A crowd quickly gathered at the chance to witness a fight.
“Listen carefully, please. I don’t want to have to repeat myself. Keiran... isn’t… yours. He never was. So back off. And I would be very careful in the near future. I won’t be so forgiving. Mkay, pumpkin?” I smiled evilly at the back of her head. I realized I was totally out of character at the moment but I didn’t care. I needed an outlet and Anya elected herself as tribute.
When she nodded I let the pressure off the back of her head and patted her once. “Atta girl. Now, get.” She flounced off in her high heels. Seriously what was with the pumps in high school?
“I am so hot for you right now,” Willow deadpanned.
“Raaawr! Who knew, goody two had it in her?” Sheldon included.
“What the fuck was that?” I heard a voice growl. The crowd had nearly doubled so I didn’t realize that one of the spectators was Keiran.
“I don’t know. What did it look like?” I thought at any moment his face would crack under the pressure he was placing on his jawbone.
“Tell me,” he demanded.
I sighed in exasperation and turned back to face my locker. I pulled out one of the sanitary wipes I kept on hand and wiped the front of my locker down.
“Lake,” he called warningly.
“I was keeping your ex-cum buckets in line since you seem to be incapable.”
“Ooohh! Burn! Damn!” A volley of jeers sounded around the crowd.
“Leave,” he commanded and when the other kids scurried and he turned his attention back to me. “You want to explain what your problem is?”
“Is that a serious question?” Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he might have impregnated me while he threatened to slice my throat open but I could be wrong. I couldn’t tell him that anyway. Not with Willow and Sheldon watching us closely. We’d always been careful before but I admitted that I was just as mad at myself for giving in to him once again.
“I’ll see you later.” He stated simply but it sounded threatening at the same time. With that he turned on his heel and walked away. It didn’t have to be said. I knew I messed up but if he could do what he wanted then so could I.
“He looked pissed,” Willow commented. “What is up with them anyway? They are so hypocritical and bossy. It’s always ‘do what I say’, ’now’, ‘no’, ‘mine’. “Me Tarzan, you Jane. Now bend over!”
“Don’t forget the grunting and growling,” Sheldon added.
“I keep expecting to be dragged off to a cave or something.”
We shared a long laugh over the guys’ expense but were interrupted by a throat clearing. We whipped around at the same time to find Dash and Keenan leaning against the lockers, watching us and looking irate. I guess they’d heard what we said. Oops.
“Oh shit, um…I love you honey bun?” Sheldon jokingly attempted to soothe Keenan’s feelings. He rolled his eyes and walked away in the same direction Keiran retreated.
Dash remained a beat and I could see the struggle in his eyes before he mumbled, “Fuck it,” and walked off after Keiran and Keenan.
Willow, Sheldon, and I were left, standing alone in the empty hallway. We each shared a look before shrugging and heading to the cafeteria. Lunch was one big social gathering that I still haven’t become accustomed to after many years of avoiding the area and people in general.
Willow still refused to sit at Keiran’s table because of her drama with Dash so we headed for an empty table to sit and I automatically looked around for Keiran but didn’t spot him. I was sure this was the direction he walked in and assumed he would come here. I looked around more and didn’t spot Keenan or Dash either.
“Hello Ladies and Thing.” Buddy straddled a chair next to me wearing a toothy grin.
“Get lost, kid.” Willow huffed.
“Since when do I do what you say?”
“Since I know where you keep the dirty magazines and stash of pornos and I’ll tell mom and dad.”
“Ha! Who do you think I got them from? Dad needed to get rid of the evidence,” he said secretly as he grinned stretched wider.