‘I’m a thief,’ Lex replied. ‘I can get you your money easily.’
Jesse shook his head. ‘You’re also a liar. I ain’t buyin’ it. I can recognise another rogue when I see one. I want my payment handed over to her Ladyship with promises from you and from her that, if I play my part in this circus, I’ll get my reward at the end of it. Without that I won’t go another step further. I’ll walk out that door right now and show the world I ain’t dead.’
‘You wouldn’t have the nerve!’ Lex sneered, despite the fact that he knew full well that Jesse absolutely would make good on his threats if it came to it. ‘Why must I always be plagued with the most vexing companions?’ he moaned. ‘I’d be better off on my own. I’d be better off if you were dead! If the Game allowed it, I wouldn’t take a companion at all.’
But for all that he was making a tremendous fuss about it for the look of the thing, Lex was not overly bothered. It was simply a matter of learning how to handle a person. He’d learnt how to handle Mr Schmidt in the last Game and he would learn how to handle Jesse even easier because all the man seemed to care about was money. And for a talented thief like Lex, money really was no problem at all.
‘I assume you’ve no objection to valuables in lieu of payment?’ he said, deliberately choosing a fancy legal term in the hope that Jesse wouldn’t understand it.
But the cowboy just said suspiciously, ‘What sort of valuables?’
Lex shrugged impatiently. ‘I don’t know. Diamonds or something.’
‘Diamonds would be just fine,’ Jesse replied, still looking suspicious. ‘Just so long as you don’t try and fob old Jesse off with fake ones. Got some in your pocket, do you?’
‘No, not yet. But in a posh hotel like this there’s bound to be rich women carrying their jewels about with them. I bet I’ll be able to get you your payment from the very first room I break into.’
His fingers were itching again. Being in posh places like the Majestic always had that effect on Lex. There were, after all, countless valuable things just there for the taking. He wouldn’t have done it for Jesse alone, but the thought of carrying out a theft now really rather appealed to him. That pickpocketing business at the Sea Volcanoes teashop had been nothing more than keeping his hand in: something so ridiculously simple that it had barely been fun at all. Pinching something from a hotel room in the Majestic, on the other hand, would be wonderful fun, because it was bound to be at least a little bit of a challenge. He needed to keep his hand in as the Wizard, too, after all. This would be an entertaining diversion amidst all the schmoozing he would be expected to do at the welcome dinner later.
‘Yes,’ Lex said decisively. ‘I’ll obtain your payment tonight. After the dinner.’
‘Pull that off,’ Jesse said, eyebrows raised, ‘and I would be impressed.’
‘Lovely,’ Lex replied. ‘Nothing matters more to me than impressing you! Now, if you’re quite satisfied, can we get on with this cowboy thing?’
‘All right,’ Jesse said. ‘I suppose I can start the lessons on faith. For now. If you wanna pass yourself off as a cowboy, the first thing you need to learn how to do is play poker.’
‘Poker?’ Lex repeated, pulling a face. ‘Are you sure that’s what we should be starting with? Shouldn’t we be doing… I don’t know.. gun-shooting or knife-throwing or tobacco-chewing or something?’
‘Here?’ Jesse asked, eyebrows raised. Lex had to admit he had a point. The posh, pristine suite probably wasn’t the ideal place to learn how to throw a knife.
‘Don’t make no difference, anyhow,’ Jesse said. ‘Even if we were on the ship I woulda started with poker. It’s the lynchpin, see? Much more so than all that other stuff. I mean, you’re not planning on challenging anyone to a duel, are you?’
‘Good Gods, no!’
‘Well, as long as you stay outta trouble, that stuff won’t be as important to you as the everyday stuff. Things like learning how to play poker, chew tobacco and drink coffee black.’
‘I already drink coffee black,’ Lex replied.
‘Not like this you don’t,’ Jesse said with a grin. ‘I’m talking about coffee that’s been brewed for so long in a tin pot over an open fire that you can stick a spoon in it and it’ll stand up.’
‘It sounds dreadful.’
‘Yeah, well, you’ll have to get used to it because, if you ever ask for cream to be put into the coffee, then everyone will know right enough that you ain’t no cowboy. But poker’s the most important thing. You ever played before?’
‘No.’
‘How about other card games?’
‘No, I’m not a gambler,’ Lex replied, rather contemptuously. ‘I don’t rely on luck. I prefer to be sure I’ll win.’
Jesse stared at him. ‘You realise what a dumb thing that is to say, do you? Considering who your Goddess is and all.’
Lex scowled. ‘I was an excellent thief and conman even before she came along. In fact, that’s what made her take such an interest in me in the first place. I’m careful and dedicated to my art. That’s why I sometimes appear to be lucky.’
This wasn’t entirely true, and Lex knew it. He was lucky. But he was also, as he’d said, careful and hard-working. Indeed, if he’d applied his clever mind to any other profession, he would have climbed his way straight to the top of the ladder in no time. Successfully pulling off thefts and scams did not come easily. There was a lot of hard work involved in what Lex did. And he saw himself as completely entitled to every penny he earned.
‘Whatever,’ Jesse said with a grin. ‘The point is that if you’ve never played card games before then you’ll have no feel for the cards. Here.’ As if by magic, the cowboy produced a deck from one of the inner pockets of his jacket. ‘Have a go at shuffling them.’
Lex took the cards, squinting at them dubiously. They were dirty, dog-eared and all had pictures of naked women on them. Lex shuffled them for a few seconds, didn’t drop a single card, and then handed them back to Jesse.
But the cowboy shook his head. ‘We ain’t done yet, partner. That there was your basic sliding shuffle. Anyone with two hands can do that. But for poker you’re mostly gonna need the dovetail shuffle. And you’ll also need to learn the Hindu shuffle, the pile shuffle and the Chemmy shuffle. Then we’ll go on to the Mongean shuffle and the Faro shuffle. And the false shuffle, too, because they all expect a bit of cheating. Once you’ve got all that, then we’ll go on to the game itself.’
Lex stared at him. ‘You’re joking, surely?’
‘That I ain’t.’
‘All right,’ Lex said. ‘Show me how each one is done. Whenever I get a spare minute I’ll practise, but I want to go on to the game itself today.’
‘It’s your funeral, kid. But mark my words, you’ll need more than just one demonstration before you can master them.’
‘Perhaps two, then,’ Lex replied carelessly. ‘But I have a sharp eye, a good memory and an excellent knack for mimicry.’
‘And a large dash of modesty,’ Jesse said.
‘Modesty is for chumps! Or people who have no talents!’
‘Well, I reckon you’re probably right about that,’ the cowboy replied mildly.
There was a grand total of eight different shuffles that Lex would need to master before they reached Dry Gulch. Jesse demonstrated each one once before they moved on to the game of poker itself. Lex had never played before in his life but, to his smug delight, he quickly discovered that it was precisely the sort of game which he was born to play. To be a good poker player you needed a good memory, an ability to quickly calculate odds in your head and? best of all? you needed to be able to bluff convincingly. Jesse explained that many poker players had ‘tells’? something that gave them away when they were lying. Lex couldn’t help but sneer at this. He was far, far too disciplined for tells. He could lie brazenly right to someone’s face without allowing his expression or his body language to give him away, and had been able to do so for years. Bluffing in poker was, therefore, an absolute piece of cake. Not only that, but he had a good head for figures and was able to calculate the odds and weigh his chances with ridiculous ease.