"I'll see you when you get here, John," he said and hung up.
Lockwood looked back at Karen, who was sitting in coach still poring over copies she had made of the Atlanta crime scene report. He moved back down the aisle and sat next to her.
"How'd it go?' she said.
"Not good. I'm staring at a hanging. If you want a good seat, show up early. It's gonna be crowded."
"It can't be that bads," she said, looking up from the report. "You're one of their best agents."
"That's a nice confidence boost, but I've got way too many 'silent beefs' in my packet."
"Silent whats?"
"When you're the subject of an internal investigation and there isn't enough evidence to take action and the investigation gets dropped, it doesn't exactly go completely away. It's what they call a 'silent beef.' It's not on paper, but the people involved remember. I've got hundreds of those in my record. Lotsa brass in the agency have been shining up their swords, waiting for this day. But it's okay… I think maybe I've been trying to make this happen, anyway. The IA shrink who's doing my head-pressure test says I've been courting this disaster for years… that I wanted this to happen. And I think maybe he's right…"
"You want a second opinion from a more friendly doctor?" she said, putting the police report down on her lap.
"Anything friendly would be welcome right now," he said, thinking that she was way too young and way too pretty to be dealing with head cases like him and the psychopathic nut who had killed Candice Wilcox. Karen should be out dancing in the sunlight, interacting with people who didn't have emotional problems, or the stink of this job clinging to them.
He didn't know about the demons stalking Karen Dawson.
"We are a species of hunters and gatherers," she began. "Society's rules have attempted to regulate our behavior, but primal urges and genetic behavior codes determine our natural law and are much more defining than any human laws. You break the rules because your sense of the hunt is more important than your sense of self-preservation. In Greek mythology it would be a heroic trait. In the Customs Service it causes problems."
"It's caused problems in my life, in my marriage. I've been cruel to people I love."
"You're wrong," she said softly. "Cruelty and sentimentality can sometimes be companion traits… but never cruelty and love." She touched his arm. "Don't be so hard on yourself, John. You know something…?"
He looked at her in a different way… seeing different qualities. "If you let it happen, you might actually turn out to like who you are," she said.
There were four men whom Lockwood had never met before waiting for the Delta flight at Dulles Gate 12. They introduced themselves as members of Laurence Heath's administrative staff and then walked without speaking, next to Karen and Lockwood, out into a surprisingly cool April day. A wet, gusting wind was scattering the brown and gold leaves of spring, occasionally lifting them in eddies of air, swirling them around in tiny, twisting tornadoes. Lockwood watched a one-foot-high twister whirl across the parking lot and spill into a Chevy hubcap… mindless motion followed by an abrupt collapse. The perfect metaphor for his career.
They got into two cars. Karen sat beside him on the backseat as they pulled out of the huge Dulles Airport and took the forty-minute trip through Virginia's countryside into Washington, D. C.
Lockwood had been expecting to be taken to the IA floor on five, but instead they went to SES on three. He was led into Laurence Heath's office. Bob Tilly avoided his eyes when he looked at him. Oh boy, Lockwood thought, they're not even gonna give me a blindfold this time.
Laurence Heath was standing with his back to the door, looking out the picture window at ominous clouds and the White House administration annex. His hands were clasped behind him and the Teutonic wrinkles in the back of his head bristled from a recent haircut. When he turned, Lockwood saw a different expression from the one he had been expecting. Heath had sad compassion pasted on his rough tank-commander's face. His blue eyes seemed watery and distant. "Sit down, John."
He didn't sit. He wasn't going to take this on his ass. "Do I get a last meal and a cigarette?" Lockwood said, trying to find the right tone for the final note of his career.
"John… I have bad news…" Heath started slowly. "There's been a tragic circumstance. There's no easy way to get to this, so I'll just say it straight out. Claire has been murdered."
Lockwood stared at Heath… The words failed to penetrate his brain. "What?" he said, even though he'd heard Heath clearly.
"She's been murdered. A man broke into the house in Studio City and killed her. It happened Sunday night. It's been kept off the news until you and her family could be notified."
"Heather… Is Heather okay?" he said. His mind was reeling now; his body starting to sweat uncontrollably. It was a cold sweat that turned his stomach sour. "Is she… is she…?" He couldn't finish the sentence.
"She's okay. Well, not exactly okay… She apparently walked in while the man was… while it was happening. She wasn't attacked but she's in traumatic shock. She's at Children's Hospital in Hollywood… under sedation."
There was a long silence. John's thoughts swirled like leaves in the wind. His emotions were at war with this devastating news. He looked at his boss, who was shaking his head sadly.
"Heather… Heather is… in a hospital?" Lockwood finally managed.
"Yes. In a hospital… Children's Hospital. The body, Claire's body, is with the L. A. Coroner. She was killed with a narrow blade of some kind. At least that's the Coroner's initial description of the wound. He believes she died quickly."
"A scalpel," Lockwood said dully. He felt himself begin to sag. He caught the arm of the sofa and sat down on it heavily. One thought kept trying to penetrate his churning emotions. Claire was gone. She was really gone. He would never see her again… not in love or in anger. He would never see those Nordic blue eyes; eyes that could smile without her lips moving. He would never again hear the husky rasp in her breathing when she made love. He had lost her forever. He had left her in his own selfish wake, and now there was nothing he could do but hate himself for his senseless behavior.
"I want to go see Heather. I want to go now," he said softly. "I've arranged for a plane. It's standing by at National." Lockwood tried to stand but his legs wouldn't hold him. Larry Heath moved to him and helped him to his feet.
"Bob, get in here!" he yelled.
Tilly arrived on the run and, with the two of them holding on, they walked Lockwood down the hall.
"She's okay," Heath said. "Your daughter's okay. She's just in emotional shock. The doctors know how to deal with it. We'll get the man who did this. I promise you, John, we'll find him."
"I know where he is," John Lockwood said. "I'll get him myself…"
"You know…? How do you know? Who is it?"
"I don't know… not really. I just… Look, Larry, just let me go, will you?"
They moved down to the elevator and Heath pressed the button. The four men in suits who had met Lockwood at the airport were waiting on benches nearby. They stood immediately to go with him.
"John, you can't get involved in this investigation. If you know anything, tell me now."
"Just get me out to L. A., Larry, okay? Don't tell me what I can't do."
"It's policy, man. You can't work on a case involving a loved one." "Fuck policy!"
"You've been suspended, John. I wasn't going to tell you that until later, but IA suspended you when you failed to show up this morning. Kulack had the hearing without you."
The elevator door opened and one of the gray suits caught it. They all stood there, not knowing what to say… frozen in a tableau of embarrassed silence.
"When I first saw Claire, we were at the park," Lockwood finally said. "It was a summer day and I was there with some guys and we were drinking beer and looking for girls. I saw her and I thought, that is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen-"