She’d considered the very same thing, especially as each birthday passed without anyone significant to share it with. It wasn’t quite as bad as Sean—she had friends and her aunt and uncle, at least—but still, those sentiments snuck in once in a while. What was the point?
“There’s more to being happy than having people—”
He shook his head. “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but there’s not for me. I’m not one of those people that can live for myself. I wouldn’t be happy taking vacations all alone, no matter how great they are. I need people around me to keep going, but right now, I have no one.”
“Then use that. You don’t want to die alone, so live the next part of your life finding people to connect with. Prove to your family that you’ve changed. Fix those broken bridges.”
He looked doubtful that would work.
“It can happen. I’ve seen it happen. Remember what we talked about in group. Set small goals for yourself and only engage in positive self-talk. It’s easy to leave here and fall into old habits, but if you don’t let the negativity get to you, then you’ll be fine.”
Reluctantly, he nodded. His eyes brightened a bit before he spoke. “I really don’t want to end up back here. No offense.”
“None taken. And if you don’t want to come back here bad enough, then you won’t. You have a determined spirit. You’re not done fighting. I can tell.”
The confidence in her voice seemed to lift his mood, and he smiled. “I’m glad at least one person believes in me.”
“We all do. The other staff too.”
“It’s a good place here. I don’t want to come back, but you do good work.”
She almost laughed. His first week there he’d ranted at every worker about what a shithole the place was. And now he was singing praises. What a difference sobriety made.
“Here.” She pushed a few papers across the desk. “Now, for the signing of the papers,” she said majestically. “Your final step. It’s a test of patience.” With a wink, she handed him a pen.
Her faith in him wasn’t false. She really did believe he could make it. It was her job to believe in all her clients, but some were more ready than others to take that final step to stay clean. Sean was more than ready.
After he signed the papers, she told him she’d see him off the next day. The center had a tradition when a client was released. They all stood at the door with balloons and each one of them shook the client’s hand and wished them well.
With Sean’s last appointment out of the way, she had one challenge left for the day. Dealing with Banner wouldn’t be quite as easy.
She took out her phone and texted him.
Can we meet somewhere and talk soon?
He answered right away, surprising her. Shouldn’t he be in some important business meeting?
Today? The coffee shop on Main Street?
So soon? Was she ready? No. She needed confirmation that she wasn’t crazy. She and Janine had a date to watch reality TV and eat junk food. Those binge-fests were her one guilty pleasure. Tonight, she’d talk it through with her, just to make sure she wasn’t making a mistake.
With a deep breath, she answered Banner. How about tomorrow after work? I get out at 4.
She stared at the phone, expecting another quick response.
Tomorrow, 4:30. I’m buying.
After confirming, she tucked her phone away and turned to her computer. Maybe writing the discharge report on Sean would keep Banner out of her mind. She had a whole day until confrontation time. Weird, she’d never been shy about confrontation before. Of course, she’d never had someone affect her the way Banner did either.
Submissive training shouldn’t be distracting her at work, making her feel horny all the time, and screwing with her emotions. That was proof enough things were getting out of control. Tomorrow she would end their arrangement and agree to stay friends.
That was the plan, anyway.
***
“A slave?” Janine grimaced, holding out a glass of iced tea. “That’s hard-core, even for me.”
“I know.” Kate took the drink, and they walked back to the living room. It was Janine’s turn to host their date night. “The chemistry is there, but we can’t keep going like this if that’s all he’ll settle for. Both of us are too stubborn to budge.”
“Well, some things you just can’t force.” Janine gave her a regretful smile, then sat down on the overstuffed couch. “It’s not meant to be, I guess.”
Kate took a seat next to her as she contemplated her friend’s words. Wasn’t meant to be. Did she even believe in that? Fate and destiny and all that shit? No. She was way too much of a realist. Besides, other couples in the lifestyle had to have the same problem once in a while.
“How did it work for you and Chris? You didn’t match up straight away, right?”
She laughed. “Nooo. Far from it.”
Although Kate had only met Janine two years ago, they’d quickly formed a deep friendship. Janine was already married at the time. She’d hid her kink for about a year, but then started slipping. Kate was well-versed enough from erotic novels to recognize the signs. When she’d asked Janine point-blank, she had let out a big breath and said, “Thank god I don’t have to fake vanilla anymore!”
Kate had been perving their relationship ever since, slightly envious but mostly glad for Janine. It wasn’t often someone found true love and kinks that lined up. Her friend had hit the jackpot. If only she were as lucky.
“I hated Chris when we first met, remember? Ugh. He was an insufferable know-it-all prick!”
Kate burst out laughing. Most Doms were a bit cocky, but she couldn’t imagine Chris acting like a prick. He’d always been sweet to her. “Yeah. You ended up changing him though.”
“Sort of. We had a rocky start, but I saw the sweetness under all the bravado. It was because of how he was raised. Strict military dad. I mean, Chris has always been dominant, but I knew he wasn’t naturally a jerk. He was trying too hard to impress girls.” Shaking her head, she added, “And he’s turned into a total softie since.”
Kate sighed longingly. She wanted to say that about somebody one day.
“Well, not a total softy. He can be a mean fucker.” Janine squirmed a bit, giving the impression they’d played recently.
She chuckled. “You love it.”
Janine smiled and sighed in that lovesick way girls do. A moment later she snapped out of it. “Hey, you know what we should do?”
“What?” The mischievous look in her eye made Kate wonder.
“Watch porn.”
“What?” she yelped. Not exactly their regular movie-night choice.
“For research.” She shrugged. “You can’t exactly swear off something you don’t understand, right? Let’s see if we can find some videos of the Master/slave dynamic so you know what it’s like.”
“That’s a terrible idea.” Watch porn with her best friend? Her cheeks already felt warm. Though it was more likely to become a giggle fest than anything hot and heavy, she still crinkled her nose. “Is Chris okay with you watching porn?”
Janine rolled her eyes. “Don’t be such a baby. And, yes, he’s okay with it. He fully supports anything having to do with me and porn.”
Kate gave her a skeptical look.
“Well,” she added as a second thought, “short of starring in it, of course. Come on.” She jumped to her feet and practically skipped to the computer desk on the other side of the room. “This’ll be fun.”
With a sigh, Kate gave in. “Might as well.” Maybe it would be an educational experience. Awkward, but she should stay open to learning something.
If this slave thing wasn’t that bad, maybe she and Banner had a future after all.