My cheeks feel uncomfortable as I try an assuring smile. “I’ve been well, thanks. How are you?”
“Good. Really good. I switched majors after last year. I have been hoping to run into you on campus. I thought after our class last year with Professor Parker, I would see you in some classes this year. I’m taking his Issues in Applied Ethics and Mr. Grant’s Conceptual Foundations in Modern Science this semester.”
“Wow, that’s really awesome, Melissa. You were so great in philosophy it doesn’t surprise me at all to hear you’ve chosen to go into it. You’re going to do great.”
“Did you continue with it?”
I feel Max’s shadow behind me like a physical weight as she looks to me for an answer. “I actually decided to go into medical science.”
“Really? That’s exciting! And really impressive! I mean, that’s big! Are you enjoying it?”
“I don’t know.” My answer surprises both of us. I have woken up asking myself this question every single day since Kitty and I discussed my reasoning for going into the field. I have enjoyed learning more about the human body, I have loved working at the lab with Fitz, I appreciate the experience I received with working with the doctors before him, however, the passion I have felt when learning other subjects in school has been absent. I really haven’t addressed it, I attributed it to still not being fully comfortable and in the right mindset for learning. Lately I haven’t been so sure.
I swallow back words that want to be heard. Kitty has done this to me. She has opened the floodgates of my feelings and the need to express them. “We have an order for pickup. It should be under Abby.” Melissa is still staring at me with a calculating expression.
Her eyes blink in quick succession several times and then she smiles and pushes away from the counter. “Let me see if it’s ready.”
The hot pizzas taint the air, masking Max’s scent that I’ve worked so hard to find when the truck still smells so new.
“I don’t know about you, but I can’t eat pizza again.”
My head turns toward Max. I have avoided looking at him since we arrived at Antonio’s with success. His eyes are gentle. It’s obvious that he senses my unease.
“We should probably pick something up that’s fast, but we could get tacos, or a burger. What sounds good to you?”
“Can we go to In-N-Out?”
Max smiles at my quick response and does a single nod. “Absolutely.”
The ride to the fast food restaurant is silent but for the radio and the rumbles of the road. I still can’t shake my embarrassment, and I’m not quite sure why I’m this uncomfortable. It’s not as though I’ve said or done anything that warrants this nervousness.
“Why don’t you call Kendall and see if she and J want something, too?” There are several cars in front of us, but he still pulls to the side of the drive-thru as if he’s not in a rush.
“That’s a good idea.”
Max has to pull out his phone to take notes because Jameson and Kendall both want to order, but so does Abby. He holds it out to me so I can read it back to them. His arm is so close to me, I can smell his body wash and that mingling spicy scent that is Max. The knowledge of both the heat and weight of his arm are instant thoughts. If this was a year ago, I’d lean forward and make contact with his bare skin, even if it was just against my own arm. My eyes dance between the screen of his phone and his toned forearm. The short dark hairs would tickle my cheek at the touch. The brachioradialis muscle that lines the top of his forearm, would enlarge when it was wrapped around my waist with protection and a sense of belonging.
His arm drops to his side with a quiet chuckle that has me straightening in my seat and shoving thoughts away like they’re detectable. Still, I wish that I had gone over their order slower, bought more time.
We join the line of cars and Max’s fingers drum across the steering wheel to the beat of the music. I wonder if he realizes how many times we listened to this song together. If I was to make a soundtrack of us, it would be one of the first to play.
“What did you mean when you said you punched Lee Carroll for me?” I seriously need to separate myself from Max for the rest of my trip here. I can’t believe that question just popped out of my mouth. I hadn’t even considered it. It just came out.
Max’s fingers stop their pattern and he looks at me for a second before turning his attention to the car in front of us, and gently easing forward. “It wasn’t because of you. I shouldn’t have said that. I mean, it was because of what he said about you, but not because you needed me to, or wanted me to, or whatever …” His eyes flicker between the windshield and me with apprehension. “I shouldn’t have said that. At the bachelorette party, I shouldn’t have said any of that. I wanted to apologize for it but,” Max swallows, and turns to look at me again, “I was kind of hoping you forgot about that night. I would like to.”
“I don’t remember all of it. Things are coming back to me, but my sisters have filled in some of the blank spots.”
“Shit,” Max sighs the word. “Are they all pissed off?”
“No.” His head turns as I deliver the quick reply. “None of them are upset with you.”
His eyebrows rise with surprise, showing me he genuinely cares. “What did Lee say about me? I haven’t seen him since high school.”
Max huffs out a quiet laugh. It’s sardonic, and I have trouble trying to understand it. “It’s nothing. Really.”
“You can’t say you punched someone for me, and not say why.”
His mouth parts and then closes before he turns to look at me. He’s searching for something and I wish I knew what so I knew how to respond. Instead, I sit perfectly still, my eyes met with his. Waiting.
“It was before you got to high school, actually.”
My eyebrows scrunch with confusion. “Before high school? I didn’t know Lee Carroll before high school.”
Max’s eyes widen and his attention moves forward again. “Yeah, well he knew you.” His hand scratches his chin, and his nails which are rounded and cut so low, there isn’t any white at the tips, catch on the short bristles covering his jaw from not shaving this morning. “He made an inappropriate comment about you and Kendall.”
My head shakes. I was never great friends with Lee, but we hung out. I can’t believe he said something about Kendall and me. I can’t believe no one ever said anything. My eyes move to Max, and thoughts of high school return. A blur of lunchtime discussions, rushing to class and trying to see friends, passing notes, and watching Max. “Lee Carroll hated you because of me?”
“Lee Carroll hated me because he didn’t know how to throw a punch.”
“How did I never know this?”
Max shrugs and turns to look at me again, the sun catching on his cheek, deepens his tan. “There was nothing to know.”
He’s wrong.
“My turn, what in the hell did Amy Hall say?”
My eyes widen with confusion as I try to stop the thoughts about how long Max has cared in some way for me and my family, to focus on what he’s asking. “What?”
“That night, you said Amy Hall was right.”
“I don’t remember…”
“Yes you do,” Max insists. His eyes have turned bright with recognition. “You’re fidgeting, and you crossed your legs.” My eyes widen and I look down to see my legs are indeed crossed. “You fidget whenever you’re nervous, but you cross your legs—or arms if you’re standing—when you want to avoid something.”
“Kendall tucks her hair.” I think this is my attempt to deflect.
“What?”
“When she’s trying to avoid something, or isn’t being honest, she tucks her hair behind an ear.”
“What did she say, Ace?”
My jaw stretches to the side and I look past Max, out his windshield. “That I wasn’t your type.”
The cab is silent for a long moment. “Amy Hall doesn’t know her ass from her elbow.” I turn back to look at him, and Max’s blue eyes focus on me, embedding a truth I want to believe so badly, it makes me feel lightheaded. A car behind us honks, alerting us we need to move forward. Max doesn’t move but his eyes shift over my face so slowly I hardly notice the movement. Then he clutches his jaw. With this single movement, I know he’s now the one wishing to avoid things.