Kendall didn’t allow my loose confirmation to pass. She instantly joined in, asking how often I’ve been having nightmares and what they’ve been about, which led to revealing Kitty and why I’ve been seeing her and how that began. Somehow the subject of cooking came up, and before I could curb the conversation, Kendall was telling Fitz about what a good cook I am, and my love for soccer, and swimming, details that Fitz and I have never discussed. They talked to each other more than they actually spoke to me, comparing details and notes, which at times varied widely and earned furrowed brows of confusion and detailed examples from the other.
I know Jameson sensed my restlessness. He tried several times to help me out and change the subject, but it never worked. They ignored both of us as though we weren’t even there. After listening to it all, I feel fully exposed and slightly embarrassed by the secrets I’ve harbored. I’d never done it intentionally. I just didn’t know how to leave behind the memories without leaving pieces of me behind as well.
We each grab our garment bags from the trunk and head inside where there’s already a crowd of people congregating, finishing off last-minute details of setting up for the wedding. I’ve been struggling to envision how this was all going to happen with the swimming pool and the patio taking up such a large amount of space in the backyard, but everyone’s dismissed my concerns, assuring me that Mom knows what she’s doing.
Kendall strides over to two of our aunts from Texas, her smile growing as she greets them with warmth. My skin feels itchy at the prospect. I’m not ready to see them all and to be asked how I’m doing. I take a deep breath and brace myself in anticipation, waiting for their attention to turn to me.
“Ace!”
My heart constricts at the familiar voice, and I turn to see Sharon. Her eyes are glassy with tears, but her familiar smile is prominent as she takes the last few steps toward me and wraps me in one of her hugs, one arm securely sitting in the middle of my back and the other at the base of my neck. It feels maternal and comforting, like she knows I’m hurting right now. I don’t know if she realizes that part of it is due to her son or not, but she seems to realize my pain all the same and holds me tighter, drowning out the voices around us.
“Hi, sweetheart.” Her words are soft and comforting, followed by a couple of broken breaths that reveal this is just as emotional for her.
My arms tighten in response. We remain embraced for several moments, neither of us saying anything until my mom’s voice sings out a request for help in moving some large vases to the backyard.
As Sharon’s arms release me, my mom’s replace them. She holds on to me for a few long minutes of silence before whispering in my ear that if I need some time I can go up to my old room, reminding me that my poker face has apparently vanished for good.
I smile at her with appreciation but shake my head and turn to introduce her to Fitz. I can see the surprise and relief wash over Fitz’s smile as it grows when I say the word mom, and it causes my eyes to prickle with tears again. Next, I introduce Fitz to my aunts and cousins and other family members and close friends that are here to help get things ready.
The house is full of people, love, and noise, just like it’s always been. Looking around, I’m not sure that if my dad was still here if they would be. I know that many are here to support my mom through this period, even more than they are to prepare for the wedding, and though it makes my heart ache, it also expands with gratitude.
“Hey! Bosse women, upstairs!” Kyle hollers as he comes through the patio doors, wiping a sheen of sweat from his brow as he heads over to where Kendall and I are still standing with Mom, Fitz, and now Jameson.
“Mindi’s waiting for you guys. I’d go. She sounds a little worked up,” he says, jerking his head in the direction of the stairs.
“I brought some tequila. That will help her,” Kendall says with a smirk.
“Who’s this?” Kyle asks, ignoring Kendall and looking to Fitz.
“This is my good friend, Fitz, Fitz, this is my brother-in-law Kyle.”
Fitz offers his hand with a smile that looks slightly forced. I’m sure meeting this many people is already wearing on him, but I doubt anyone else can tell.
Kyle’s eyebrows rise as he looks at Fitz and then back to me, keeping his hands at his sides. “I have to go help Caulder move some things,” he says and then stalks off, turning at the door to look back at us one final time before he disappears.
“What crawled up his ass?” Kendall asks, still watching the door Kyle disappeared through.
“Probably Mindi,” Jameson replies, making both Kendall and I break into quiet laughs. Jameson looks to Fitz and nods his head, beckoning for him to follow him through a crowd of people before Kendall and I head upstairs to seek out our older sisters.
Our parents’ room has been turned into a dressing room. Garment bags, piles of tulle, shoes, and discarded clothing are strewn over nearly every inch of the room, with Jenny standing in front of our mom’s armoire. Her hands clutch the bodice of her white gown that looks like it came directly from a fairytale. I look up to see her eyes trained on me. They’re wide with concern and nerves, and something else that I can’t fully grasp before she looks over to Kendall.
“I think they switched our sizes, my dress is too tight! I can’t put it on!” Mindi cries, coming out of the bathroom in a flesh colored strapless bra and matching thong with a yellow dress thrown over her shoulder.
“You’re wearing beige underwear? Poor Kyle, what are you doing to that man?”
Mindi’s eyes flash to Kendall like laser beams, and I notice Savannah smile as she steps out of the bathroom wearing a lavender dress that touches her calves.
“I’m wearing beige underwear too,” I say, dropping my purse and garment bag on the bed.
“You’re supposed to wear an ivory dress, you should be,” Kendall says, turning to a few bottles of alcohol that have already been opened before Mindi can shoot her another glare.
I unzip my bag and pull out the dress that I’m supposed to be wearing. My sisters had selected ivory for me since I have the most olive-toned skin, saying it would wash all of them out. Mindi’s not much bigger than I am, you could never tell that she’s had three kids, but she’s a little taller, and her hips and shoulders are both slightly wider than mine.
She takes the dress from my hands and replaces it with the yellow one as she mutters incoherently and strides back to the bathroom while Jenny whistles and Kendall calls out after her about having a great ass.
Savannah and I quietly laugh as she comes over to greet me with a hug, and then Kendall hands us each a flute of champagne.
“To Jenny, our middle sister on her wedding day!”
We toast our glasses and drain them, filling my empty stomach with bubbles that work to combat my nerves as I try not to focus my thoughts on whether or not Max will come.
I stand in front of the mirror wearing the butter-yellow dress that was intended for Mindi that was apparently made to my size by accident. Mindi’s beside me applying a light shade of blush across her cheekbones. My eyes take her in wearing the ivory dress that is elegant and sexy on my sister’s frame. They move from her reflection to my own, comparing small details one at a time. I’ve gained most of the weight back that I’d lost in the first few months of being in Delaware. My calves are toned as are my arms from the classes that I’ve been taking at the gym, just like Mindi’s are, but hers are toned from chasing and carrying around three kids. Her eyes are as clear as the sky and her lips are painted a pinkish-red that looks beautiful against her creamy skin. My own eyes are the same dark shade of brown they’ve always been. However, looking at them now, I see hints of my dad in my reflection—hints that I’ve never seen before.