“God you have dad’s eyes.” Mindi’s whispered breath repeats my very thought. “You look beautiful, Ace, as always.” She wraps an arm around my shoulders and presses her face beside mine, and for the first time in what may be forever, I don’t spend the seconds focusing on our differences. I stare at us, seeing our similarities, and feel beautiful at what I find. My hair’s not as bright and my eyes aren’t an attention stopping blue, but it doesn’t matter because I have my dad’s eyes and his coloring mixed with our mom’s. I can see both of them and each of my sisters in small details of my reflection, but most of all, I see me.
Mindi’s lips curl, and she presses a kiss to my temple. “You’ve always been stunning. Don’t look so surprised.”
She steps away and Kendall’s reflection appears a few steps back. She’s wearing a darker shade of lavender that looks absolutely beautiful on her.
“How are you doing?” she asks.
My eyes turn from the mirror and look at Kendall’s as she steps up beside me. “I’m good.”
“Good as in you aren’t ready to talk about things yet, or good as in you’re trying to placate me?”
“She might be good, as in just good.” Kendall and I both turn to Savannah, her eyes intently stare at Kendall, not noticing me seeing the same emotion that Jenny’s had held when we came in. I look back to Kendall, who’s staring back at her with a silent refusal.
“I still have feelings for Max.”
My sisters’ stare-down breaks instantly at my admittance. Their eyes are wide with shock, yet their lips are turned up in matching smiles that tell me they already know this.
“Did I just hear you right?” Mindi asks, poking her head out of the bathroom.
“Yes, you did,” Jenny says from behind us.
“What are you going to do?” I can tell by the way all of my sisters turn to look at Savannah that she’s asking the question everyone wants to.
My fingers slide down the satin material of my dress as I shrug. “I don’t think it would be right for me to say anything. He’s moved on, and he’s made that abundantly clear to me.”
“Ace, I’ll give you that he’s tried moving on. He’s tried really hard, but he hasn’t.” Kendall’s hand peels one of mine from my dress and her fingers thread through mine. “You just need to talk to him. I know that’s really scary, but that way at least you won’t have any regrets.”
A heavy breath leaves me and goose bumps stretch across my skin at the prospect of doing so.
“You won’t know unless you try.” Kendall’s finger slides against the outside of my ring finger, tickling the spot that my tattoo resides as a constant reminder of the love I’ve carried for Max. At times it’s been a painful reminder, but at others, it has been a lifeline for me, reminding me that it was all real.
“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”
–Friedrich Nietzsche
“Do you see him?” I whisper, leaning closer to Kendall and receiving a look of confusion from my escort, Ian, a groomsman that I’ve neglected to learn anything more from than his name.
Kendall cranes her neck forward, whispering something to Savannah as Mindi leans back. We’re standing in order of age, which is killing both Kendall and me since we can’t see around anyone to know if Max has shown up. She recruited Jameson’s help as soon as we finished our conversation about Max. I’m not sure what they told him to try and get him to come. I’m not even sure that they were able to get a hold of him. The last hour has passed in a blur of posing for pictures and trying to ignore the panic in my heart so my smiles looked genuine.
“There’s a couple of empty seats next to Wes,” Kendall whispers, but I can tell by the lack of conviction in her tone that she also knows this doesn’t mean much.
The music begins and I thread my arm through Ian’s and crane my neck around my other two sisters to watch Mindi and Kyle head down the aisle arm in arm.
“Ace.”
I turn around to see my mom standing beside Jenny. They both look beautiful, and excited, and a little sad.
“Remember, sometimes you have to listen to your heart and block this out.” She taps her finger against my temple, bringing me back to last year and the morning after I slept with Max and went home when I found him pacing across the floor with anger burning in his eyes. Anger that I later learned was regret, an emotion that will torment you.
I slide my arm free from Ian and hug my mom with a fierceness that fills me with a strength I haven’t felt in a long time. “I love you too, mom.”
“I love you too, sweetheart. I love you so much.”
Jenny swipes away a tear before it can fall down her cheek, and her lips quiver between a smile and frown as her eyes turn away from us.
“Your daddy’s sittin’ in heaven right now, watchin’ his little girls that have somehow become women, and I know he’s proud of each of you, just as I am. You girls and your sisters are my world.”
The front door behind us pushes open and Max appears, wearing a black suit. He’s missing a tie and a couple of buttons on his shirt, but I barely notice because I’m staring at the black Converse shoes that have made my heart stop.
When my eyes return to his clean shaven face, his cobalt eyes are focused on mine, making my heart start again at a rapid speed that makes my head feel light.
“I’m sorry.” His eyes lock on me as he says the words, but his head turns to Jenny and my mom. Slowly, his gaze follows suit.
“We’re glad you came,” Jenny says, wiping another tear from her eyes as her smile becomes firmer.
Max nods once and then hangs back. Ian clears his throat beside me, bringing my attention to the fact that it’s our turn to head down the aisle. I look back once more, catching a last glimpse of Max before we take a step forward and walk out to the kitchen and follow the path to the backyard.
As we make our way toward Adam, my sisters, and Kyle, my eyes scan the faces of the gathered crowd, sliding over smiles from those that I love, and others that I barely know until I see Fitz. His face is smiling, but I can tell by his tight stance and how his shoulders are squared that something’s bothering him. I slowly turn away from him and catch Wes, Landon, and Jameson sitting together in a pack near Sharon. Each of them is smiling at me without reservation. Then I catch sight of Jesse and Abby sitting beside Jack and Ethel Janes and feel my smile grow as she swats at Jesse and wipes her eyes with a tissue. Finally, I look to the front as we cross the last few feet and my eyes dance across three of my older sisters looking proud and happy to have me here causing a chill to run through me.
Ian releases my arm, and I look to Adam as I clutch my bouquet with both hands and catch the slight nod he directs my way as I move to stand beside Kendall.
The ceremony ends with Adam dipping Jenny with a kiss that fills the backyard with cheers and whistles that have all of my sisters and me smiling between laughs.
We’re herded to the far end of the yard for more pictures where we remain for over an hour as guests are directed inside while tables and chairs appear in a setting for the reception.
As we’re needed less and less in the shots the photographers choreograph, we’re drinking more. Flasks and glasses are passed around with toasts to every subject under the sun.
“He’s wearing Converse.” Kendall turns to look at me, her eyebrows raised in confusion.