Allison was proud and felt that she needed to make her parents proud of her. Since her heart had failed her she threw herself into her work thinking that money would make her happy. It didn’t. The day she walked away from everything she assumed that she had failed. Even though she started to walk a path true to herself her heart was still cold. Until now. You have melted her heart. Never doubt this; she needs you to let her love again. She is afraid don’t let her fear stop her from loving you.
David, being the middle child, tried to do everything that his big sister did. He loved a woman for a long time and she was a good woman. But she was not the one. When she left him he was lost and met people who misled him. He will find his way home soon. After the snow kisses the dawn a few more times. Nicole, the wild child, was the baby. She never wanted for anything. Allison and David were always there for her. No matter what; they would protect her. What she needed was to fly and you cannot truly fly if you know there someone there to catch you. Nicole hid instead flying thinking she could hide inside a bottle. She knows all of this now and she is finally free. “
“I don’t need to know all of this.” I tried to explain to her.
“You do.” Gaia answered with a slight nod. “You look at Allison and you wonder why she won’t let you in? They grew up watching the perfect couple and when their own relationships failed to meet this level of perfection Allison and her siblings learned something very new to them. They learned fear.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?” I questioned her.
“Because this is now your home.” Gaia said with a quiet smile. “You have brothers and sisters. Your father called many places home. Do not hate him. This hater has already controlled you for far too long. Your father never meant any harm. He was young and no one ever taught him the importance of responsibility. Your mother was also young and unable to resist his charms. Stephanie do not seek out your other family. You will not be welcomed. Embrace your new family.”
“How can you know all of this?” I argued hoping that perhaps she was wrong and yet praying that she was right.
“I just do.” She answered simply. “You are in Allison’s blood. She will see that very soon.”
Gaia decided to let me off the hook and changed the subject. She told me about Haley. I listened to her stories carefully. I found myself envious of what Haley and Eleanor shared so easily. I know that at times I still had my own doubts of how quickly I came out. Was it really the right choice or did I simply jump into this without thinking? Why after everything I had felt and admitted was I still having these doubts?
“Because you are afraid.” Gaia said breaking me out of my musings. “You followed your heart and now your head is trying to rein you in like a wild steed. Since you decided to travel this road how do you feel about yourself?”
“I’m uncertain.” I admitted as she just stared at me in disbelief. “Damn how do you do that? I feel like for the first time in my life I truly know myself and it feels right. But everything happened so soon!”
“Trust your heart child.” She instructed me. “Allow yourself to be happy.”
I nodded in agreement as Gaia started telling me about her childhood. I was thankful for the change in subject. Gaia had fled Canada as a young girl to avoid being placed on a reservation. Her travels led her to Haley and she ended up working for her. She told me that she knew early on that someday she would marry Robert, Haley’s son. Robert had enlisted in the navy and for many years he traveled. When he retired he returned home to his mother. He fell in love with Gaia and even though she was much younger than him they married. She had never had the opportunity to know Eleanor since she had passed on years before Gaia had been born. But Gaia explained that Eleanor’s presence could always be felt.
After Haley’s death it was Robert who had placed the stone between their grave markers. Gaia and Robert decided to spend their twilight years traveling. Just at the time she thought she was about to become a crone she was surprised. It was not the change of life she was experiencing, she was pregnant. Her son Graham was Pauline’s father. I badgered her constantly for more details the story was fascinating. I wanted to know more about Haley and Eleanor.
Night had fallen while we had been talking, our conversation ended when there was a knock on the door. Allison peeked her head into the room to let us know that dinner was ready. I assisted Gaia out to the family dinning room as Allison trailed behind us. Once Gaia was settled Allison pulled my aside.
“I put our bags in my old room.” She explained. “I can’t seem to convince anyone that we are not a couple.”
“Don’t worry about Allison.” I tried to reassure her. “It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before. Look I am sorry about teasing you on the drive up. I promise to keep my hands to myself. It will be fine.” I hoped that she believed me.
“There’s just one more thing.” Allison whispered. “It’s about the game tomorrow …”
“Girls please sit down.” Jefferson insisted.
As we took our seats I could not help but notice how tense Allison was. Perhaps I should stay up late and wait until she is asleep before going up to her bedroom. Dinner was simply wonderful. Allison did not eat much since she was still feeling the effects of the clams from her birthday. I listened to the conversations during dinner. I could not believe how everyone exchanged stories. The banter never ceased during the meal. I was surprised to be included in the chatter. This was a real family! The way they laughed and talked over each other these people truly cared for one another. Growing up I wasn’t allowed to talk during a meal. The only time the conversation became stilted was when David was mentioned. His absence had created an immeasurable void. Allison had seen him once or twice at the airport, only to run away at the sight of her.
The conversation turned quickly to politics. The people they knew and spoke of so casually amazed me. People that I had only read about in the papers. I started to feel out of my element when Jefferson noticed my discomfort. “Stephanie you’re not a republican are you?” He asked sincerely.
“No sir.” I answered quickly. “I can’t afford to be.”
My response received a round of laughter from my dinner companions. “Good then you can stay for dessert.” Jefferson teased me. “And please call me Jefferson.” He pointed out. “Now about the game tomorrow…”
“Oh God.” Allison groaned as her body tensed up.
“Are you okay Sis?” Nicole asked from across the table. “It’s not your stomach is it?”
“No.” Allison answered in a shaky tone. “I’m fine really.”
All eyes were on Allison who was squirming in her chair. “Allison what is it?” He father asked with concern.
“Nothing really.” She lied.
“It must be something.” He pushed. “Every time I mention the game you get all tense.”
“What game?” I asked hoping to distract everyone’s attention from Allison.
“The game Stephanie.” Jefferson boasted proudly. “The only football game that matters. I have been taking my family to my alma mater’s Thanksgiving, sorry Gaia, game since before little Ally could walk. In fact that is where I proposed to Pauline.” Wow this guy really loves football.