“River, I don’t know what you are looking for. But I can tell you, I am not the woman to give it to you. I’m not looking for a relationship. I am here for a short period of time, just to figure out my life. That’s it. Please, don’t think of me as anything more than a friend. If you like me, give me your friendship, because that is what I need right now.” I pause and pick up another bag out of my trunk before slamming it shut.
“Please, I need a good friend right now. I enjoyed our time hanging out last night. I need that to help me get through this. Will you be my friend?”
I feel bad, because I think I just broke his heart. But at the same time, I need to set the record straight. I want his friendship. I don’t want a twenty-one year old boy following me around with a puppy dog crush. He shrugs.
“I get it. It’s cool. Dinner tonight at Maggie’s again?”
I nod my head in agreement.
“Same time.” I turn to head into my room, when he stops me once again.
“Hey, Star, I gotta bring my little sister with me tonight. That cool?”
I’m not normally a kid person, but then again, I am on this journey to find my own kid. I can’t really be upset that his little sister is going to be tagging along.
“That’s fine.” And like that, I drag the last bag into my motel room and proceed to dump everything out on my bed. I’m like a little kid after a day in the toy store, gushing over all the new supplies I have been wanting for ages. This afternoon, I am going to take it all with me up into the woods and paint in the peace and quiet of nature.
It may not sound like much to anyone else. But to me, it is exactly what I fucking need.
It isn’t until I pull into the dirt parking lot off the old mining road that I notice someone following me. It isn’t just any person, either. It’s a big man, on a loud motorcycle. Had he not had the familiar cut and bandana, I wouldn’t have recognized him. Maybe listening to loud music wasn’t the best choice on the way out here, but I was rockin’ out to Janis!
I put the car into park and grip the steering wheel. This guy gets under my skin like no one else. I want to get out of the car and yell at him. But instead I sit behind the wheel and completely ignore him. Like I don’t know he is pulling his motorcycle alongside my car.
I pick up the fabric bag packed with all my art supplies on the passenger seat and swing the door open. I open the trunk and start to pull out my stand and the single canvas I brought for the afternoon. Completely ignoring him still.
“Hey,” I hear his voice coming from behind me. My heart skips a beat, or possibly just fucking stops. I have to choke down the lump in my throat.
I turn to face him, and he smiles at me. I’m taken aback, because a man like this doesn’t smile. Ever. I want to return the smile, but that would make shit way too easy, wouldn’t it?
“Following me? Don’t you think that’s a bit desperate?” I want to laugh. He got what he wanted last night; why is he here now? Why do men have to be so confusing?
“So what if I was?” The smile fades and his stone-faced expression is back.
“You got what you came for last night, so why are you following me?”
I turn back around, pick up my supplies, and start walking for the path. I get a whole five steps in the opposite direction before his voice stops me once again.
“What did I come for? I mean, since you know me so well.”
“Sex. No strings. You know, just a quick fuck.”
He was out the door as soon as we were done. How can he claim anything different? Damn it, I am over fucking thinking this. This afternoon was supposed to be quiet, relaxing, a chance to focus on me. Instead, I am taunting a large biker in the middle of nowhere. He could kill me and bury me out here and no one would ever know I was missing. Fuck. My. Life.
“You’re right, Star. I was only looking for a quick fuck.” He takes a step. I can hear his heavy boots against the dirt and gravel. “But once I left, I wanted to come back. Fuck…” He shakes his head just as I start to turn around.
He’s gorgeous. Every inch of him radiates sex on a mother fucking stick. Dark blue jeans hug all the right curves, accentuating his growing hard-on front and center. A black thermal hugs his torso, leaving no muscular curve to the imagination. His cut hangs from his shoulders and a folded red bandana is tied around his smoothly shaved head. I’ve fucking died and gone to biker heaven.
“I don’t fucking do this shit. I don’t play games. I don’t fucking date. Hell, I am barely ever fucking around, but I want you. Again.”
He takes another step in my direction, waiting to gauge my reaction. I want to throw myself at him, but that would be too desperate. And I am not fucking desperate by any damn means.
“I don’t know what to say to that.” I honestly don’t. I want him, but what exactly does he want? He’s fucking speaking in cryptic man, but then again, I don’t think he has a fucking clue as to what he is looking for, either.
I rest the art supplies against the side of my car and lay my canvas on the hood, folding my arms over my chest and facing him. My mind is flying a million miles an hour and my stomach is slowly tying into a million knots, but I still want to hear him out.
“Tell me it’s okay, Star.”
He takes a step closer to me, but I don’t know what he is asking me. What is okay? What does he want from me?
I take a few steps backward until I’m pressed up against the back door of my car. But he doesn’t stop moving toward me. His body presses against mine, and all I can do is look up into his deep brown eyes. I wait for him to make the next move while I take in all of his features. Everything about him is dark and dangerous. Yet I am slowly starting to feel more and more comfortable around him.
It’s been a day. A fucking day. I should run screaming from him. Get back in my car and leave. But I actually want to stay here with him. In the middle of fucking Michael Myers woods.
“I can’t tell you anything I don’t know, Chrome.”
I barely get the words out, and his mouth crashes against mine. There is this magnetic pull between us. I want to pull away, but I just can’t. My lips instinctively part for him, allowing him entry to my mouth, and he takes full advantage of it. Our tongues collide, caressing each other in a fluid battle.
Chrome slowly pulls away and interlocks his fingers together on the top of his head. He lets out a long sigh and turns to walk away. He stops, throwing his hands down to his side, and mumbling something under his breath. I can’t hear him, but if he was to do this in public, I am pretty sure someone would want to lock him up for being damn near crazy.
“I need to be inside you again.”
His words send a shockwave through my body. I want the same but I also want to punch him in the face. Is this supposed to be his sad attempt at some kind of pickup line? Jesus, fuck!
I don’t say anything. I just watch him. He paces back and forth, waiting for me to reply, which I am clearly not going to. Does he expect me to just let him become a frequent flyer? Whenever he’s in need of a piece of cunt, he comes crawling this way? I can’t be that kind of girl anymore. Yet all I want to do is let him bend me over the hood of my car.
You can take the girl out of the porn, but you can’t take the porn out of the girl.
“I can’t do this with you. I can’t do this, period.”
I wave my hand back and forth between the two of us. This is what honesty feels like. I don’t want to admit it, but whatever the fuck this is, as good as it feels, is only going to blow up in both of our faces. I didn’t come here for hook ups; I came here to find me. Maybe this is a part of my fucked up self, but I don’t need a biker without a real fucking name being my self-discovery.