“Starburst Bloom. You?”
He looks dumbfounded. Is he really surprised my name is actually Star? Did he think it was my nickname, or porn name? I mean, seriously, most porn stars need a porn star name; I just got lucky enough to be born and raised with one. No need for the alter ego.
“Promise you won’t laugh at me?” He’s self-conscious and it is fucking cute. He doesn’t want to tell me because he’s embarrassed that his parents saddled him with a shitty name, just like mine did.
“My fucking name is Starburst, like a fucking candy or a cosmic occurrence. Do you really think I am going to laugh at you?” I laugh at myself. At the situation. It feels good to genuinely feel this good.
“Atticus Holden Grant.” He doesn’t make eye contact with me. He pushes some food around on his plate, then takes a bite, sneaking a peek through his dark eyelashes. I want to laugh at him because he’s acting like a kid, not because of his name.
“That’s hot.” As much as it sounds like a snob name, it actually fits his level of sexy. “And stop acting like a kid.” I laugh across the table and pick up the last bit of toast on my plate, popping it into my mouth.
“What can I do to get you to stay in Woodstock?” he asks.
“I don’t think there is anything you can really do. Just let me figure things out. I may stay, but if I do, I am going to do it on my own terms.” I don’t want to stay here because of a guy. I want to stay in Woodstock because I can make the life I need here. I want to stay because there is a reason to keep me hanging around. It is beautiful and quiet. It is the life I need while I continue my journey into recovery. Put the bad memories behind me, and work on making good ones.
“We should leave. I want to spend some time with Scarlett before I head out. She always gets emotional when I hit the road for a couple days.” It hurts him to leave her behind. I can see it all over his face. I don’t blame him, because I know the hurt of leaving a child behind. Except my pain is deeper than a couple days.
“If River needs any help while you’re gone, tell him he knows where to find me.” I would love to spend more time painting with Scarlett when she isn’t in school. She really is a bright little girl. So childlike and full of life. It makes me crave the same lack of responsibilities.
“Why don’t you come over to the motel?” I ask Journey. We’ve been trying to make plans together since I rolled into town days ago, but shit just keeps getting in the way. Chrome left late last night. He stopped in for a quick breakfast before he hit the road. It was absolutely adorable. I wanted him to fuck me senseless against the wall, or in the shower again, but he just didn’t have time.
“What do you wanna do?” Journey asks. I’m not sure if she is going to be up for my adventure of the day, but I am sure going to give it a try. I don’t really want to do it on my own anyway.
“I was going to go look at a couple places for sale.” Yes, houses for sale. In Woodstock. Even if I don’t decide to stay, it will be nice to own a little piece of quiet property in the Catskills. The houses here have a certain rustic beauty about them. I know it sounds incredibly fucking stupid, and borderline cliché, but seriously, I want one. I want a place I can call my own.
“You are going to buy a house here?”
“I didn’t say that. I just want to go look. Come on, get your ass over here so we can head out. There is no way in hell I am coming over to that fucking house to pick you up.” Yes, a damn house. My parents finally got their shit together and live in a home without wheels! Miracle of miracles! I don’t know what sparked the decision, but my sister certainly appreciates it. I think that is why she continues to stay with them. There is finally a small level of stability.
“I’ll see you in a few.” She disconnects the call, and I continue looking at the one house for sale that I truly want. It was my dream house as a little girl. I could picture a perfect Normal Rockwell Christmas scene playing out through the spacious glass windows that overlook the stream running through the backyard. I could see the deer grazing along the long driveway. It was a house that remained empty most of the time I was growing up. People would rent it as a vacation home, stay for a week or a month, and move on.
I never knew who owned it, or why they didn’t choose to live in it themselves, but I always wanted it to be mine. I don’t know if I want to buy it or not, if it will still have the same appeal as it did when I was a kid. But I guess we will find out when we pull up the long gravel driveway.
“This place is a fucking dive, Star.”
Journey looks at me with disgust as we round the corner of the heavily wooded gravel driveway. Years upon years of neglect clearly show around the property. The lush vegetation has grown over most of the driveway. Only a small one lane path remains, allowing just enough room to get up to the house.
The once beautiful wooden cabin is worn and old. Run down and dilapidated. Boards on the porch are missing and one of the windows on the side of the house leading into the grand room is broken. It hasn’t weathered well in the decade since I left Woodstock. In fact, it weathered just as well as I did.
Broken and damaged. Unwanted and neglected. We have a lot in common.
“It is beautiful, Journey. Full of a story to tell.”
I get out of the car and walk up to the house. “Each piece of damage tells a story. The broken window, the missing boards, that crack in the pavement. It is all the story of this house.”
She looks at me like I’m nuts. It is just a building. But to me, I can see myself in so many ways. I can see my own damage in each blemish.
It needs work, a lot of fucking work. But so do I. Could I possibly heal while rebuilding the house I always dreamed of as a child? Can I have my happily ever after in the woods? I don’t know. But its damaged beauty is just too much for me to pass by. It’s a rash decision, but I want this house. Damn the work to hell. If I have to hire a small army to fix it up, I will. This is my opportunity at something I have always wanted, lusted after. And damn it, I will fucking have it!
“Whatever, Star.”
She shrugs and continues looking around the property with me. It sprawls out over acres of land as far as the eye can see. The small stream still flows behind the house; pine trees line the back yard in rows. The fall leaves are changing color and falling all over the ground; it is so beautiful.
“If you buy this place, does that mean you’re staying?” The excitement in her voice catches my attention, while I look at the small shed in the far corner of the yard. I turn around, and her face is bright with a smile.
“Yeah, I guess that, if I buy this place, I will stay a bit. At least long enough to make it beautiful again.”
Like that, the decision is made. I don’t need long hours of planning or calls to Katy debating on whether or not to buy. I won’t even call Seven for her input, because I know she’ll be completely against it. Her feelings for Woodstock will never change, whether I’m here or not.
I type out a short email on my phone to Katy, detailing my instructions for her to purchase the property. No questions, cash sale, done deal. Whatever red tape needs to be handled, she will take care of it. That’s what I pay her for. No one is going to talk me out of this. This is my dream and I am going to make it fucking happen.
As Journey and I pull down the driveway, heading to Maggie’s for a sisterly lunch, my phone rings. Seven is on the other end and I cue it up to the Bluetooth system in the car and answer.
“Yo, yo!” I’m in a good mood. A really damn good mood.