“I can arrange that.” He smiles at me and takes a huge bite of his cheeseburger.
“On the bike, I mean. I need to clear my head.” Maybe that is just what I need to slowly start to move on.
“How about after we finish up dinner? It is really chilly out there tonight.” I don’t care. The colder the better. I just don’t want to feel tonight. That should help.
“I just need to get out for a little while. I’m ready.”I’m also realizing I need to get my shit together before tomorrow morning when I have no choice but to attend this sketchy family meeting. Even if Seven jumped ship on me, I know I need to go and find out exactly what it is all about.
“I got this thing tomorrow. Can you come with me?” I don’t know if I want to expose him to my family, but with everything that has gone on in the past couple days, I honestly don’t trust myself to go alone. If Seven was there, it would be a different story. But I just can’t do it solo.
“What is it?” he asks while he starts to clean up the metal tins scattered across the bed.
“Family meeting. As soon as my parents knew I was in town, they insisted they had to talk to all of us together. Only a couple of us will be there. Seven skipped out. Paisley is somewhere down South, refusing to come home.” I almost find an excuse for Blue in my mind, but I stop. It is still surreal.
“As long as you want me there, I will be there with you, babe.”
I take the last bite of my cheesy goodness and pass the dirty container to him. His smile helps to heal me after everything I have been through over the past day.
I don’t want to explain my shitty family, but I feel like I have to give him some kind of clue to the lion’s den he is going to be walking into.
“Hey, Chrome…” Even thinking about them makes my skin fucking crawl. “My family, they aren’t good people. This will probably be crazy and ugly. Just like the way they raised me.” I don’t want him unprepared, because all I can think about is him bolting. I hate my family.
*** The wind whips through my hair as we fly down the back roads surrounding the town. The breeze is far more liberating than the last time I was on the back of the bike, because I know no matter what happens now, Blue will no longer have a hold over me. I am finally free. The freedom I have begged and pleaded for is finally mine. No one can take that.
We take a sharp curve and I hold on tighter to his abs, pressing my tits against his back. I feel like I belong. I feel like I have finally found my place in the world, because it sure as fuck wasn’t as a coke whore in New York City, or as a porn star, paid to fuck and jet set around the country, sucking any dick I was instructed to. Told to fuck people for money.
It clicks. After everything that Blue did to me, taking direction when it came to sex was probably the worst shit for me to get involved with. It cut me deeper in such a raw way.
My life floods through my memory. The pictures of my childhood, good and bad times. My teen years, which were just a fucking hot mess; somehow, no matter what, Seven stood by my side. My life as an adult, endlessly searching for where I actually belonged. I would have never expected my life to plant me back in Woodstock, someplace I thought I so desperately hated.
Tomorrow, I will not only face my parents, but I will take the power away from them as well. They may have been shitty excuses for guardians, but if I want to come to peace in my life, I am going to have to let it all go. I can’t allow them to hold that kind of power over me, especially if I am going to stay in town. It’s bad enough I am going to forever be haunted by what I did to Blue, and looking at my life now, my upbringing and their shitty treatment is the least of my fucking problems.
So deep within my mind, I don’t notice that we are pulling up the narrow driveway to the house I bought. The place where I killed Blue. Chrome is forcing me to face what happened. The driveway is nothing what it looked like just a day ago. All the brush is cleared out. The road is big enough for several cars to pass by. We reach the front of the house and the yard is scattered with construction trucks and equipment.
It doesn’t feel right to be here. But I also feel more at home on this land than anywhere I have ever been in my life. I dreamed about happy times in this exact home when I was a little girl. It was everything to me and I went and fucked that all up, too. Can I ever find it in myself to get over what I did? Or will it continue to haunt me until I can’t be happy anywhere?
He kills the engine and puts out the kickstand.
“I didn’t want to show you yet. But I think it is something you needed to see to help you.” I don’t know if the work will help, but it’s enough to keep my mind off of all the bad that happened.
The porch is ripped apart, and the small shed in the corner of the yard is completely gone. The rotten wooden siding has been stripped off the house and there is some kind of paper insulation showing. Clearly people have been busting their asses here.
“Wow, I don’t even know what to say.” I just can’t stop staring and taking in all the work that has been done in a day. The windows are fixed. The acres of grass are mowed. Everything that was wrong is right.
“It should be done in about two weeks. The animals did a bit of damage to the interior, but for the most part, it isn’t much of a job.”
I can’t help but smile. He can’t see me, because he’s still facing forward on the bike. I don’t know if he is waiting for me to get off, or if he just wants to leave now that I have seen the work. The nasty memories fade as I begin to think about creating a life in this house. My future. Finding my daughter and bringing her home to decorate her room anyway she wants.
I pray for princess décor, but at her age now, I will probably be stuck with some shit like boy band nonsense. I smile with hope that I will find my Willow. I’m comforted knowing Blue will never get in my way. He will never hurt my daughter. I may have done it to protect myself at that rash moment, but my daughter will forever be safe because of my own actions. Selfish, brave, or criminal, I am okay with it. All because of my Willow.
“Thank you, Chrome. Thank you for being so good to me.”
I have nothing else I can say. What is left to be said between us? Love is reckless and impulsive. He may have slipped up with the endearment, but I won’t be returning it anytime soon. I love him with everything within me. His sacrifices for me confirmed that. I can’t wait for the opportunity in the distant future to tell him. The very fucking distant future.
“Anything for my baby girl.” Anything for me. Starburst fucking Bloom.
CHAPTER 11
“Starburst, it is so good to see you.” My father wraps his arms around me, pulling me tight against his chest. I can’t remember the last time I laid eyes on him, but he’s aged pretty badly. His shoulder length hair is white; not a hint of grey peeks through. A bald spot is starting to form in the back, although he hides it pretty well with his ponytail. His bright blue eyes still shine like mine used to. The only thing I got from him.
My mother speaks her greeting, but remains far cooler. She has always kept her distance from her children. Once we were off her tit, it was every man for themselves. She looks impeccable for her age. I always thought drugs were supposed to make you look worse. I know they fucked with me.
The house is an upgrade from everything I had the opportunity to live in growing up with these damn people. It’s still a far cry from stable, but at least it doesn’t have fucking wheels. The brown shag carpet is outdated and dingy. The walls are nicotine stained, yellowing under what I assume was white paint at one point in time. The entertainment center is something out of a 1960’s episode of Leave it to Beaver.