Journey sits across the room in a round papasan chair, thumbing through her cell phone. The phone I fucking pay for. Couldn’t she at least say hello? Why act like she hasn’t spent any time with me at all?
“Who is your friend, Starburst?” Seven’s mother nods in Chrome’s direction, and I immediately wish I hadn’t brought him.
“This is my boyfriend, Chrome.” For the first time I introduce him as more than someone I’m just fucking. I don’t know if I should be scared shitless or elated; my body sure feels a little bit of each.
He extends his arm and formally introduces himself to everyone in the room. Journey completely ignores him. Something is off with her, and I want to know what it is. She won’t make eye contact at all. I want to chalk it up to being a typical teenager, but I know her better than that.
“Well, since Seven isn’t coming, I guess we can get started.”
My mother plops down on the couch between Seven’s mother and my father. Her fingers lace between each of their hands and she takes a deep breath like the weight of the world rests on her shoulders. I’m expecting a declaration of cancer or some kind of death sentence. She would be dramatic enough to need a center stage performance for something like that, even though I don’t give a rat’s ass about her.
“Star, eleven years ago, we made the worst mistake of our lives.” My heart drops into my stomach and the room starts to spin. Eleven years ago. I was pregnant, very pregnant.
“We thought we were doing the right thing when Raine and Jeff adopted Willow.” I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want her excuses. I don’t want her giving herself a pat on the back for the worst thing she has ever done to me.
“I know that hurt you, Star. I didn’t think about it at the time; we were all so selfish. We had gone years raising you children and then there was another baby on the way. We wanted to move on with our lives, not end up raising your daughter, too.” Yup, way to add fucking insult to injury.
“No one ever fucking asked you to raise Willow. I could have done it all on my own. God knows you all fucked us up enough as kids. I wanted better for my daughter, but you didn’t give me the chance!” I’m starting to get worked up. I didn’t want to come here for a fucking confrontation or to talk about the past. I start to stand from the couch with every intention of leaving. Walking out the door and never giving these assholes the time of day again.
“Five years ago, they were killed. They had no next of kin. Willow…” she pauses and corrects herself, “Magnolia had no place to go. She was going to be put in state care and we couldn’t let that happen. So your father and I stepped in with Joni and Colt.” What. The. Fuck? This has got to be some kind of a sick fucking joke. My body collapses back against the couch as my legs give out from under me.
“Honey, we want you to meet someone.” Is this fucking for real? They are talking, but whatever they are saying makes absolutely no sense to me. Please tell me this is all some kind of mistake.
Chrome laces his fingers through mine, squeezing my hand as if he knows exactly what is coming. I squeeze back, but my grip on his hand doesn’t loosen a bit. I blink the tears back repeatedly, begging my body not to betray me, not to shed the tears I can feel burning in my eyes.
A little girl walks out from a bedroom door adjacent to the living room. She has beautiful, long blonde hair, parted down the middle and braided into pigtails. Her eyes are a gorgeous shade of blue and those chubby cheeks I have dreamed about all these years are still there. Her face is round and flawless. Her lips are plump just like mine; I can see myself as a little girl in her. There is little of her father in her. She might as well be a damn carbon copy of myself.
“Starburst, we want you to meet Magnolia Star Bloom, your daughter. We call her Maggie for short.”
My heart skips a beat. They changed her name. I would have never been able to find her on my own. They brought her to me. Something I never expected. Not in a fucking million years. They always did their damnedest to keep her away from me, and now here they are, handing her over to me. At least I hope they are, because if not, I will be giving them the fight of a fucking lifetime. No one is going to take her away from me ever again.
I let go of Chrome’s hand and run across the small room. Everything happens in slow motion. I open my arms and she crashes against my chest. Her arms wrap around my waist and squeeze me tight. I kiss the top of her head as I hold her just as tight as she holds me.
“I’ve been looking for you. God, you are really here.”
I pull back enough to memorize every detail of her perfect face. Tears pour from my eyes, and her sparkling blue eyes flood to match mine. We hold each other as we cry, and I pray I don’t lose my baby girl again. Ever.
“Do you want to come live with me, Magnolia?” I hold my breath, and pray she is as desperate to be with me as I am to be with her.
“That’s what we want to talk to you about, Star,” my mother interjects, and I feel like someone just stabbed me in the chest.
“I won’t let you take her from me again.” Magnolia pulls out of my arms, and I turn to my mother. “You kept her from me for almost eleven years. I will not miss another day.” I try to be as stern as I can, when my entire body feels like crumbling. They wouldn’t take her from me again. Would they?
“We are leaving Woodstock. You know, we gotta keep on truckin’ and we don’t think it would be fair to take Magnolia with us. Her life is here. We actually did right by her. She is in school, and she is brilliant. We don’t want to mess that up. God knows we fucked up so much with you girls.”
Understatement of the fucking century right there. I love and hate them all at the same time. I love them for rescuing her from foster care. I love them for finally bringing her to me, even after all of these years. I hate them for forcing me to give her up when she was a baby. I hate them for wasting the last five years of my life not telling them.
“You knew, all this time.” I look at Journey, and she still can’t make eye contact with me. I am hurt and humiliated. She knew all this time and yet never had the guts to stand up to our parents and tell me the truth. She has lived in the same house with them and watched my daughter grow up, without saying a word to me.
“I didn’t want to keep this secret from you, Star.” Bullshit; if I knew something like this, I would have moved heaven and earth to tell my sister. I want to yell at her, to berate her in front of everyone, until I remember that my daughter is standing next to me. The little girl I have been searching for. The piece of me I never wanted to walk away from.
“I’m sorry, Magnolia. I am so sorry I missed out on so much.” I push the lone strand of hair out of her face, and she smiles at me. She is quiet and shy. Just like I was once upon a time. So many minor details about her remind me of myself as a little girl, or maybe that is just the way I want to remember myself before I was put through the wringer.
“It’s not your fault… Mom.” Her voice is quiet, but beyond beautiful. She sounds like an angel. I pray that she believes what she said. I hope she can forgive me for all the time that I missed. “I will come with you. I want to.”
The blind trust is enough to make my heart burst. I vow I will never let her down. I would rather die a thousand deaths than hurt her in any way.
I pull her in, squeezing her tight again. I don’t want to let go. I’m afraid I will wake up and this will all be one big dream. Then again, I could’ve never dreamed up exactly how fucked up my own parents would be. Keeping her from me without any regard for her well-being or my feelings.