I feel fresh tears sliding down my cheeks, but I refuse to wipe them away.
My father’s dead. Dead.
The earth looks so inviting that I want to curl into myself and simply lie there. Possibly forever.
A long moment passes where I stare out over the lake. Silent. I can’t do this on my own. I look at my gauze-wrapped hands and allow the heartache to consume me. Sebastian took away my last moments with my father. I may not have had much time left with him, but it was still my time. My last memories of him are filled with the Force beating him and hauling him away.
Devlan speaks the truth. My mind clearly understands that what he says is logical. My brain comprehends this somewhere behind the pain. I have no chance. Now that my father is truly gone, I should accept my new life in the castle.
But my father’s desperate plea still haunts me, and all that I’ve seen in a single day’s time only confirms his wish—his demand. Regardless of what happens, I must attempt to escape.
I nod my head, hoping a weak acknowledgment will at least placate the first knight. I cannot have him turn me over to his prince or the Force. He must trust that, by losing my father, I’ve abandoned my quest. Of course, now that Sebastian has stationed his Number One at my side, I’ll have to be more creative to escape.
With a furrowed brow, Devlan studies my face for a moment longer, then stands. He’s silent, like it’s the most natural thing to never speak as he patiently waits for me to finish out my tears.
I take my time, saying goodbye to my father in my mind. I will love you forever. I will never forget you, even if I cannot speak your name. Find Mother, and then one day, I will search for you both. I tell him all the things I’d have said if I had not been denied that right.
After what feels like hours, I look up at Devlan and take a steadying breath, forcing false strength into my voice. “If I’m going to be here, tell me. What the hell is there to do around this place?”
A fleeting half-smile breaks across his face. He looks relieved I’ve not melted into a pile of writhing girl parts. “What does the princess desire?”
“For one, you to stop calling me that.”
He doesn’t respond, only continues to stare at me, waiting for another response.
“I don’t know. I used to love taking care of the newly cloned animals on my father’s farm. Is there any wildlife here? Do you have livestock or something?”
He nods. “We have a stable. Horses.”
My chest flutters. We tended to cows and pigs. Sometimes ducks, rabbits, and other small animals. But never horses. I’ve never ridden one. The thought excites me and gives me a new idea. Escaping on foot probably isn’t wise. I’ll need something fast.
My insides are shattered, and I could disappear into myself—lock myself away in my chamber. Instead, I will focus my anger and forge a plan.
I look Devlan in the eyes. “Show me.”
The air is a mix of damp hay and meal. It pricks at my nose, and I feel at home. I take a deep breath, and fresh tears brim my eyes. I push the pain deeper, further from my consciousness. My hands slide along the wood railing as Devlan leads the way to the stable. For once he’s not behind me. He’s off to my left, and points as he navigates my course.
“You won’t be able to come here alone.” He glances my way. “There’s a code.”
My eyes slip over him, taking in his lean but well-built physique. He’s probably even stronger than he looks. “And I take it you won’t give me the code.”
“Nay.”
“Of course.”
We continue our trek and the stable comes into view. It looks like a regular wooden structure. As we get closer, I see the shatterproof glass doors that are also throughout the castle. Although it looks like mere wood, Devlan’s words to me in the maze remind me that solid steel is between those walls. Nothing could penetrate it or the castle. I study every inch as we step up to the door, looking for a flaw in the system.
Devlan’s key chain jangles as he unhooks it from the inside of his uniform. His fingers pick out a large, rusted key, and he inserts it into the keyhole on the side of the stable. A glass latch pops open revealing a dial pad, and he maneuvers in front of me, blocking my view as he enters his code. He steps back, and I flinch when a green beam shoots out from the top of the door.
“Hold still,” he says. “It’s just scanning your image.”
I nod, then stop. Hold still. The light scans over my face and moves down my body. Through tight lips, I say, “Is this necessary? For horses?”
His face hardens. “Court horses are of great value.”
I frown, wondering who would be stupid enough to try and steal the king’s horses and go against the Force. A shiver skitters down my spine. I suppose that’d be me.
The doors slide apart, and Devlan walks between them first. I hesitantly follow, my eyes sweeping the entrance. Not only would I somehow have to figure out the code, I’d have to snatch Devlan’s key ring. There doesn’t seem to be another way. I glance to the far back. The stable is completely enclosed. No other door. Hell.
I look around and notice the cozy stalls and feel a little better. Like my father, I love animals, and couldn’t bear it if they were kept in a harsh environment. As I continue to look, I’m reminded of my enclosure, and suddenly feel like I’m not the only prisoner in Court.
The horses nicker as we walk past. They seem strong, fierce, graceful. One catches my eye. I can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl, but it’s beautiful. Solid white with a long creamy mane.
“Her name is Hawken.” Devlan steps up to the stall’s gate. He stretches his hand out, palm up, and Hawken sniffs it.
“She’s gorgeous.” I remove the gauze from one hand, slip it beneath the sash of my gown, and mimic his action. Her nostrils take in my scent, tickling my palm as she snorts. A small laugh escapes my mouth.
Devlan withdraws his hand and leans against the side of the gate, watching me. I become brave and stretch out my other hand, reaching for the soft hair just above her eyes. She blinks once, then nuzzles her head closer to me. My cheeks tingle as my smile widens.
“She likes you,” Devlan says.
I giggle a little as she nudges my hand. “I like her, too.”
From the corner of my vision, I notice that Devlan continues to watch me, not Hawken. Suddenly self-conscious, I pull my hand back and press it to my dress.
He clears his throat, finally moving his gaze from me and back to the horse. “That’s the first I’ve seen of your true smile.”
An ache lodges in my throat. I know I must act unaware of my father’s death in front of the Eyes, but it’s tearing at me to perform. I pull back my shoulders, lift my chin. Devlan risked much by telling me of his death. I owe it to him to hold strong.
The first knight probably loathes himself for showing weakness, for dropping his guard and giving in to my tears. Even now, I’m hungry for him to acknowledge me in that very real way again, though I know that will never happen. He was the commander. Before I ran into the arcade, his station was far more significant than watching over a princess. He simply wants me compliant—a burden-free charge.
He’s not my friend. He’s my guard. I’m alone here, with no confidant. However, he’s helped me more than anything, anyone, as I’ve resolved to be strong—to not let them break me.
And to find a way out.
For a moment, I pretend my smile affects him as much as my pain did. But when I look up into his pale blue eyes, his armor’s in place, and I know I’ll never see that emotion again. He’s a knight. He has no reason to want my happiness.
This morning, I thought he was threatening me. I might be mistaken in assuming his warning before I entered the atrium was meant for my benefit. It may have been for his own preservation. He doesn’t want to answer to King Hart for my disappearance.