Fireblood whickers when I reach her. I grab the reins from the tree branch.
“Zara,” Devlan shouts. “What the hell are you doing?” He grabs my arm and spins me to face him.
“Back off,” I snap. “I’m going to kill that bastard. I’m going to slit his evil throat and get my father.” I yank out of his hold and grip the reins tighter. Something squeezes my lungs and I double over. The ground blurs, and I gasp at the air.
Devlan pulls the reins, bringing me to him. His arms wrap around me, cradling me to his solid chest. It’s hard to breathe. I can’t breathe. I gulp in air, struggling to fill my lungs, and his scent consumes my senses.
I concentrate on shallow breaths—in, out—until my head lightens, and the sharp pain in my chest dulls to an ache. When my breathing slows, he pulls back and runs his hands along my face, clearing the snarled strands of hair away from my eyes. I look into his face.
“This is why I was taking it slow.” He leaves his palm against my cheek. “I didn’t want to tell you everything at once. It’s too much.”
“No.” My lungs feel blistered. “You told me he was dead. You told me that!”
Hurt registers on his face. His eyes pierce me with a wounded look. “I’m sorry, Zara.” He shakes his head. “I was wrong. There’s no excuse but…I thought it was right at the—”
I yank back and turn away from him.
The cold air burns a path down my chest. The pain awakens my senses, and I can see my path with perfect clarity. “I need to know. I need to know everything right now. I’m going to do the mission.”
I face him and look into his eyes, pulling my shoulders back. I can cry and fall apart later in the privacy of my chamber, but I need to maintain a semblance of strength right now.
His brow furrows. “And I believe you can. But we have plenty of time.” He crosses his arms and takes a step back. “Rest on it. Let things sink in, then we’ll discuss what’s next.”
I nod and force in a breath. The surging energy quickly drains from my body, leaving me weak and limp. “Fine. All right.”
We have plenty of time, as my escape plan has been permanently aborted. I suppose marrying Sebastian would serve best for this mission. I look at the ground. How far will I go to free my father? Who will I be when and if this ends? Right now I could easily slice Hart open with my father’s dagger. I know I could. I clamp my eyes shut, praying for clarity.
Everything is veiled and feels like I’m wrapped in layers upon layers of pain.
Devlan lifts my head, and I stare into his light eyes. “I can’t take you back there in this condition.” He bites his bottom lip. “You have to know that there’s a serum. It’s only speculative, but we believe Hart has an antidote to the Virus.”
My eyes widen, and I can almost grasp what hope feels like—what it used to feel like. I’ve taken care of my father before. I’ll take care of him again, no matter what the challenge. If there’s a way to bring him back healthy, I will find it.
“Listen,” he says. “We’re taking it slow. And we can’t talk about any of this in Court. Only outside the walls, and in the room you saw tonight. Those are the only safe places.”
“I understand,” I say, but my insides scream for action.
“All right. We need to talk to Fallon.”
“Wait,” I say, halting him before he walks off. “How much of this does Sebastian know?” Suddenly I’m not confident I can hold it together around him if he had anything to do with sending my father Outside.
Devlan turns to the side, his strong profile dark against the campfire’s light. “I’m not sure.” He shakes his head once. “I don’t know what all King Hart has entrusted with his son yet. I can’t let on that I know anything around him. Only the top members of the Force have access to this much knowledge.” His forehead creases and he steps toward me, his eyes taking on a severe edge. “This will be part of your mission, Zara. To cautiously, very carefully, discover the level of Sebastian’s involvement.”
I feel a small amount of relief. There’s still hope that Sebastian is ignorant of King Hart’s operation, and that he can be swayed away from his father’s rule.
“But, Zara.” Devlan’s voice drops into a solemn tone. “Sebastian is not to be trusted. As unaware as he appears, he’s Hart’s son. Hart is a tyrant. He raised Sebastian, and until I’m certain of him, he can’t know we have this information.” His eyes bore into me.
“I won’t say anything, Devlan.” I match the intensity of his gaze. I won’t do or say anything that will endanger my father further. He has to understand this. “I promise.”
He puffs out a long, foggy breath. “I have to know your feelings toward him. This is going to be more difficult than you think. I need the truth.” He steps closer, his eyes trail over my face. “Have you fallen for him?”
“Nay,” I answer quickly, then revise my speech. “No,” I say more forcefully. “I don’t love Sebastian.”
As stoic as Devlan always appears, I expect his features to remain a hard mask, revealing nothing. But for a fraction of a second—so quickly that if I’d blinked, I’d have missed it—relief washes over his face. A small relaxation of his features. A softening of his eyes, and a glimmer in their pale blue. Then it’s gone.
“All right,” he says. “Let’s announce our plans to Fallon, then get back to the castle. We’ve pressed our luck too far for one night.”
I wrap my arms around myself, clutching his tunic to me, and follow him back through the camp. A twinge of guilt eats at my stomach, and I press my hand over the ache in my chest, feeling the locket beneath my palm. No, I don’t love Sebastian. That question is easily enough answered.
I keep up with Devlan as we near the Rebel leader’s tent, and the real question begins to plague my mind.
How far will I go to save my father?
Without knowing who Sebastian truly is, and how much involvement he has with his father’s vile conspiracy, I can’t answer that yet. I would never consciously do anything to hurt an innocent, and Sebastian may be just that.
But if he had anything at all to do with putting my father Outside…
I ball my hands into fists. If he’s a part of this in any way, he’ll regret the day he brought me to Castle Karm.
“She’s taken enough for now.” Devlan gives Fallon a hard stare. “I’ll fill her in on everything she needs to know over the next week.”
Fallon touches her hand to the side of her head, smoothing her hair back toward her bun. “I trust you will, Devlan.” She walks to her desk and sits. The low-burning candles cast her shadow against the tent. “Now that the princess has decided to join our forces, we have more time to work with.”
I wince at princess. “Please, Fallon, don’t call me that.” I meet her eyes before standing and stretching out my legs.
A small smile slides across her face. “Sorry.” She waves a leather-gloved hand through the air. “It’s how we’ve been referring to you. Old habits. But Zara fits you much better.”
I return her smile. “Thank you.”
“Right. We need to go.” Devlan pushes himself up off the dirt floor and nods to Fallon. “I’ll contact you after Sunday.”
I’d forgotten about this Sunday—about all the ceremonies to come and the banns. I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I could reach inside my head and quiet the noise. Too much has been revealed to me. I can’t grasp all that has happened in a day, or all that I still have to learn. To perform.