“Sooner you than me,” I said. “Enjoy your break.”
They assured me that they would and departed with the man in overalls, whose name, we learned, was Ken.
“Right,” I said, sitting down and putting my feet up on the console. “Get the coffee on, Thursday.”
Neither of them budged an inch.
“She gave you an order,” said Thursday1-4. “And I take mine black and strong.”
“Humph!” muttered Thursday5, but she went off to put the kettle on nonetheless.
Thursday1-4 took off her greatcoat, hung it on a peg and sat down in one of the other chairs.
“So…we just sit here and watch pianos move around the BookWorld?” she asked in a somewhat sneering tone of voice. Mind you, she usually spoke like that, so it was nothing unusual.
“That’s exactly what we do. Much of Jurisfiction’s work is like this. Boring but essential. Without an uninterrupted supply of pianos, much essential atmosphere would be lost. Can you imagine The Woman in White without Laura’s playing?”
Thursday1-4 looked blank.
“You don’t know what I’m talking about, do you?”
“The classics are too slow for me,” she replied, idly taking one of her automatics from its holster and removing the clip to stare at the shiny rounds. “Not enough action. I’m more into David Webb.”
“You’ve read Robert Ludlum?” I asked in surprise. Most bookpeople didn’t read. It was too much like a busman’s holiday.
“Nope. It’s Dave I like, especially when he’s Jason Bourne. Knows how to show a lady a good time and can pop a head shot from a thousand yards.”
“Is there anyone in fiction you haven’t slept with?”
“I love The Woman in White,” put in Thursday5, who had returned with a tray of coffees-but with a glass of water for herself, I noticed. “All that Mozart to express her love for Hartright-dreamy!”
I took my coffee, and we watched the lights flicker on the console as a nonfunctioning Bösendorfer was moved from Our Mutual Friend to Persuasion, where it jumped rapidly between the twelve different scenes in which it was mentioned before vanishing off into Wives and Daughters.
“I think atmosphere in novels is overrated,” said Thursday1-4, taking a sip of coffee before she added patronizingly, “Good coffee, Thursday-jolly well done.”
“That’s put my mind at rest,” replied Thursday5 sarcastically, something that Thursday1-4 missed.
“Are there any cookies?” I asked.
“Yes,” echoed Thursday1-4, “are there any?”
Thursday5 huffed, got up, found some Jaffa cakes and placed them on the console in front of me, glaring at Thursday1-4 as she did so.
“Don’t underestimate atmosphere,” I said slowly, helping myself to a Jaffa cake. “The four opposing forces in any novel are atmosphere, plot, character and pace. But they don’t have to be in equilibrium. You can have a book without any plot or pace at all, but it has to make up for it in character and a bit of atmosphere-like The Old Man and the Sea. Most thrillers are plot and pace and nothing else, such as Where Eagles Dare. But it doesn’t matter; each to a reader’s own-”
I stopped talking, because a warning light was flashing on the console in front of us.
“Hmm,” I murmured as I leaned closer, “they’re overrunning in The Dubliners, and Ulysses needs an upright piano for Mr. Dedalus to comment upon at the Ormond Hotel in less than a minute’s time.”
“Isn’t there a spare piano at Norland Park?” asked Thursday5.
“No-Marianne took it with her to Devon, and it’s currently one of those being overhauled.”
I scanned the knobs and switches of the console, looking for a spare piano that could be redirected. I eventually found one in Peter Pan. It was only referred to in a line of dialogue, so I redirected it to Ulysses as quickly as I could. Too quickly, to be honest, and I fumbled the interchange.
“Shit,” I muttered under my breath.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I replied, knowing full well that no one would notice. I’d placed it in the wrong part of the Ormond Hotel. I didn’t have time to worry about this, however, as another warning light was flashing. This was to alert us that the first manual piano movement that Roger and Charles had left us with was approaching. I picked up the handwritten note and read it.
“We’ve got the Goetzmann grand returning from Villette, and it has to be sent with piano stool 87B into Agatha Christie’s They Do It with Mirrors. Who can see a piano stool anywhere?”
Neither of the Thursdays moved an inch. Thursday5 eventually tapped Thursday1-4 on the arm and said, “Your turn. I did the coffee.”
“In that case,” replied Thursday1-4 with impeccable twisted logic, “it must have been my turn to do the Jaffa cakes.”
“I suppose.”
“Then, since you very kindly undertook that task on my be-half, it’s your turn to do something again-so find the sodding piano stool and stop bothering me with your bleating.”
I laid a hand on Thursday1-4’s arm and said, “Find the piano stool, Thursday.”
She tutted haughtily in a manner that Friday would have approved of but got up and had a look around the room, eventually finding it near a heap of sheet music, a few music stands and a dusty bassoon.
“Here,” she said in a bored tone, lifting the lid to look inside. Just at that moment, there was a buzzing noise, and the Goetzmann grand appeared in the brightly lit aperture in the wall.
“Right on time.”
I twiddled a few knobs to set its onward journey, told Thursday1-4 to put the piano stool with it, which she did, and then, with yet another buzz, I sent it on to the great hall of Stonygates inside Agatha Christie’s They Do It with Mirrors.
“Good,” I muttered, crossing that first task off the list. “We’ve got nothing else for a half hour.”
But my troubles weren’t nearly over, as Thursday5 had sat in the chair recently vacated by Thursday1-4.
“You’re in my seat.”
“It’s not your seat.”
“I sat in it first, so it’s mine.”
“You can’t do dibs on seats, and besides, you don’t own it.”
“Listen,” growled Thursday1-4, “do you like doing crochet?”
“Yes, so…?”
“Then perhaps you can imagine how tricky that might be…with broken fingers.”
Thursday5’s lip trembled for a moment. “I’m…I’m…sure we can discuss this like rational adults before resorting to anything so crude as violence.”
“Perhaps we could,” returned Thursday1-4, “but it’s far easier with me telling you how it’s going to be. Now, get your tie-dyed butt out of my seat.”
“Thursday?” I said.
“I can deal with this,” snapped Thursday5 in a rare show of annoyance. “I don’t need to be rescued like a child every single time Miss Slagfest here opens her trap!”
“I’m not meddling,” I replied. “All I want to know is where Thursday1-4 got that pistol.”
“This?” she said, holding up the small black automatic that I’d suddenly noticed she was holding. “It’s really cool, isn’t it? A Browning twenty-six-caliber standard single-action automatic with slide and grip safety.”
“Where did you get it?”
“I found it,” she retorted defensively, “so I’m keeping it.”
I didn’t have time for this.