"There," said Kadi. "Can you go into your healing mode now?"
Barely breathing, Rimon nodded. He sought that strange state—and felt peace descend as he got it. Kadi let her confidence flow to him, and gently disengaged one hand, reaching for Willa's.
The girl's hand came eagerly into Kadi's, and did not resist being placed on Rimon's arm. When she had both Willa's arms gently circled by Rimon's handling tentacles, Kadi moved to kneel behind him, her hands on his shoulders. He leaned back against her for a moment, gathering strength, then began to speak soothingly to Willa.
His laterals licked over the girl's forearms. She looked down at the sensation, then up at Kadi, who nodded reassurance as Rimon murmured, "Good girl, that's the way, keep steady. No one's going to hurt you…"
Confidence seemed to soak through him, and he drew Willa into lip contact. He took selyn easily, steadily, without pain. There was none of the intense satisfaction he felt with Kadi, but neither was there the agony of the kill. There was nothing but a solid, steady flow. When he had drawn as much as he could, he disengaged. Willa stared at him uncomprehendingly. She's alive!
The thought was echoed in Kadi's nager. "You did it!" she cried, hugging Rimon, and then hugging Willa.
Abel came to take the girl from her arms, saying, "Our prayers have truly been answered, and nothing will ever be the same again!" He moved the girl near the fire and began to pray.
But Rimon remained on the edge of the bed, feeling as he had never felt in his life. When Kadi moved away from him, he gasped in anguish. "Kadi! Something's wrong! I'm still in need."
Kadi rushed back to his side. "Didn't you do it?" She reached out to him, letting him take her in transfer position. For one moment there was a. delicious sensation of flow, but then he recalled that he dared not take her selyn. Besides, he had Willa's, if he could just reach it… As he thought that, the strange imbalance within him seemed to shift. Life poured back into his depleted nerves.
"What happened?" asked Kadi when he released her.
"J don't know! I was… full of selyn, and yet—I couldn't use it! Then you somehow released it into my system. That doesn't make sense! Abel, you were zlinning me. What happened?"
"You drew from Kadi at first, I think, but then—everything shimmered—I can't explain it, and I couldn't even try to do it."
Kadi moved to serve tea and get Rimon something to eat while the two men discussed what had happened. As they all sat down around the table again, Veritt said, "I– ah, guess I'd better be leaving now."
"Not yet, Abel," said Rimon, and the older man took a place opposite them, accepting a slice of fruit bread. He turned to Kadi and said, "I couldn't even begin to describe what you did, either. How in all God's creation did you learn that?"
"I've been doing that for Rimon since I was a child. Before I established, Rimon used to have a terrible time after every kill, and I just sort of learned how to help him."
Abel tilted his head to one side, studying Rimon. "You know—I tend to forget that you ever killed. Now that you've proved that you'll never have to again—are you willing to talk about why you've been so desperate to learn not to?"
"Uh—some other time?" Rimon said. "Abel, I'll tell you the whole story—but it's pretty sordid."
"It couldn't be worse than my life with the Raiders, son. And my people at Fort Freedom—many killed someone they loved. Is that it? You got caught in need, with a friend or relative who had established?"
"My cousin," admitted Rimon.
Zeth's ghost had been laid to rest long ago beside a waterfall, but Rimon still remembered how Simes used to fear him during need. What would Abel think?
"He didn't know he was Gen?" guessed Veritt.
"You don't understand," said Rimon slowly and deliberately. "Abel—my cousin was Sime. Zeth was Sime, Abel– not Gen. Sime. And I killed him in transfer. It was the best kill I ever had—until Kadi. You explain it. I can't.'" He waited for the older man's rejection until Abel digested that.
"Rimon, can't you see now that the shock you suffered was the same shock suffered by every new Sime who comes fleeing to us from.Gen Territory? You killed one of your own kind—and so it seems to every Sime grown up among Gens. But you have used that terrible tragedy to teach yourself not to kill. Today is your great triumph. Look at this girl. Zlin her. She reads like a newly established child, yet she lives!"
"You're right, Abel," said Rimon, smiling at last. "Because of Zeth, Kadi is alive"—he reached over and squeezed her hand—"and now Willa is alive. I won't ever have to kill again."
"And others will follow. But," said Veritt, "I realize that first you must teach me how to go into healing mode."
"Yes," Rimon said. He plans to be next. "It really isn't as difficult as it looks once you get the trick of it."
"Rimon," said Kadi, "you ought to rest a little before you take off on a new project."
Veritt rose to go immediately. "I don't know why I'm intruding like this. I really should have left an hour ago." Then he laughed and said, "It's time we shared the good news. Why don't I take Willa on home with me, and you two come over this afternoon? We'll have a celebration in the chapel this evening—a new kind of welcoming ceremony instead of a Farewell—to thank God for allowing this next step on the road to freedom from the kill."
"Why don't we all go?" asked Rimon.
"Rimon!" Kadi said with annoyance. She projected sexual frustration, and Rimon started, turning astonished eyes on her.
When Abel had gone, taking an unwilling Willa, Rimon said, "Kadi, you didn't have to broadcast that right in his face!"
"How else was I supposed to get through to you? Abel knew—that's why he kept trying to leave. Rimon, it's almost six weeks since you made love to me. Soon I'll be getting too fat and clumsy to have much interest… and it's not good for you to go too long without sex. Remember what your father always said?"
"Oh, terrific!" he snapped. "Now you want to make love to me as some sort of—therapy!"
"No. I want to celebrate! We've always celebrated life that way."
She moved close, her desire flowing into him. His anger evaporated.
Still, there was no urgency in Rimon. He let himself be carried on Kadi's desire, feeling love, gratitude, but no excitement. He made love to her with tender affection, making sure that she was satisfied; but he was not, nor did he want to be. He found it pleasant to give to her without seeking his own gratification—yet he knew he would never have thought of it had Kadi not provoked him.
When they lay together afterward, Kadi took his hand, running her fingers along his ventral sheaths, making the tentacles emerge. He felt her contentment in knowing she could do with him what she would. He snatched the tentacles back into their sheaths and sat up, his arms around his knees, closing her out.
He felt her momentary anger—and then the way she damped it, trying to get him back into her power.
"Stop that!" he snapped.
"What? What am I doing?"
"You're controlling me again! I can't live without you– but how can I live with you when I never know what you're really thinking?"
"Rimon—I have never lied to you."
"Your nager-lies to me all the time! I know you're angry now– but you don't feel angry."
"Yes," she said, letting it show. "I am angry! You couldn't have asked more of today. It was absolutely perfect! Yet you're determined to be depressed. What's wrong with you? Why aren't you deliriously happy?"
"Because I couldn't do it alone. I had to have you there to straighten out my fields. I'm becoming more and more dependent on you. You've got the power now, haven't you, Kadi? I'm trapped. I acknowledge it. And it's poetic justice, after all."