Melissa ate, though precious little. Stevie supplemented her diet with one of those chocolate drinks intended for the elderly. They slept together in the same bed because the nightmares and sweats could be horrible, and Stevie wanted to be right there when she was needed. The night before Melissa had crept across the bed in her sleep and had snuggled up to Stevie and had cried for the better part of an hour, though Stevie didn’t think she’d ever been awake. Maybe it was an improvement; she intended to tell the shrink about it. The word was that she would come back slowly. Maybe the crying was a step forward, maybe a step back. Stevie wasn’t leaving anytime soon.
She brought her a cardigan sweater and helped it around her bone-thin shoulders and stroked her cheek with the back of her hand and said, ‘‘I love you, Little Sister,’’ as she did so many times each day. Love was what would heal. Stevie knew this. She trusted it. ‘‘You’re safe here,’’ she said, a knot in her throat.
Melissa reached up, took her hand and pulled it into her lap. Stevie dropped to her knees, tears coming now, for this was the first time anything like this had happened. It wasn’t much, granted; but to Stevie it meant the world. She whispered to the woman in the rocker, ‘‘Every journey begins with but a single step.’’ No reaction. Nothing.
Stevie started the rocker gently rocking. She thought Melissa liked that. She wasn’t sure. She kneeled uncomfortably, but kept her hand there in her sister’s lap, the grip weak but intentional. She wasn’t going to move. She could barely breathe.
The sun became a yellow eye and then winked them into dusk. Stevie’s legs went numb with the kneeling, and her arm fell asleep to where it was a bundle of needles. But she didn’t move, didn’t speak. The darkness played out on the western sky and the first stars appeared.
‘‘The first stars are the strongest,’’ Stevie said.
Nothing. No reaction whatsoever.
‘‘As long as it takes,’’ she whispered.
Still nothing.
The moon rose behind them and threw shadows into the trees. A satellite crossed the sky. Stevie watched as Melissa’s dark eyes followed it higher. And then she noticed the rocker was still moving and realized that she was not the one driving it.
‘‘I’ll get dinner going,’’ she said, reluctantly pulling her hand free. There would be other chances to hold hands; she would make sure of that. She stood, her tingling legs barely able to support her. The rocker continued to move. She backed up slowly across the porch, supporting herself against the shingled wall, unable to take her eyes off that slowly moving chair. A month earlier a rocking chair moving like that wouldn’t have meant anything to her.
She was learning.
CHAPTER 80
oldt slipped into bed, believing her asleep. He felt absolutely exhausted, and yet his mind was spinning. He wasn’t sure he’d find sleep himself.
She said, ‘‘There’s nothing there.’’
‘‘Where?’’ he asked, his eyes still not accustomed to the dark.
‘‘The tests. They came back negative.’’
Boldt switched on the bedside light. Both he and Liz squinted. He switched it back off. ‘‘You took the tests?’’
‘‘We can exist in separate beliefs,’’ she said. ‘‘There’s nothing wrong with that.’’
‘‘A leap of faith,’’ he whispered, remembering what Daphne had said.
She rolled away from him, but backed up to where her skin met his and together they made warmth. He slipped his arm over her and held her close.
She fell asleep first, her breathing stretching out, her ribs rising and falling against his arm. Her body twitched several times and then she was still again, her steady breathing the only sound.
Boldt dozed off after a while. Pulled down by a weighty fatigue, the darkness claimed him and he found a few hours’ peace.
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