And to be honest he’d been sorting though his own concerns about how Deb’s state didn’t seem to be improving, was probably even worsening due to the added strain of Rogers and his threats, and nothing he tried seemed to help. Maybe her dependence on him really was the problem, keeping her from pushing through the pain to sort through her issues and move on.
If so then he had to convince her to take a break for her sake. It hurt to feel like he was turning her away, but knowing that he’d hindered her recovery would be even worse.
He still hadn’t found her when he finally decided. It would be a painful thing to do and he’d miss her, but even so he’d encourage her to take a break from volunteering with the defenders, explore other pursuits in town besides always being one step away from the conflict. Which couldn’t be good for her anyway.
And he’d encourage her to build close friendships with people besides him, start to integrate herself in the community rather than being his shadow. He knew Sam, April, Alice, and the women in Jane’s group had already reached out to her, and were being patient in spite of her rebuffs. And he knew she was comfortable around Grant, Trent, Rick, Scott, and most of the other volunteers she’d fought beside near Highway 31. Hopefully away from him she could build those acquaintanceships into true friendships.
Maybe his parents were right that this would be best for the woman he was coming to care for more and more. He just hoped she saw it that way.
And wasn’t this the perfect time to worry about all this, when at any moment the military could be knocking down the door and coming in guns blazing to steal all their food? Some things couldn’t wait, though.
Lewis was quickly coming to the conclusion that fodder was going to be a major hassle.
Although maybe “hassle” was too mild a word. Cutting, gathering and bundling it by hand, with no machinery or even horse-drawn tools, was a deceptively time consuming and laborious task. And Chauncey and Hailey had made it pretty clear that although goats and sheep didn’t eat anywhere near as much as cows or horses, they could still pack it away.
Ironic wasn’t exactly the proper term, but central Utah was known for producing hay as one of its main crops. It was too bad the blockheads had been in such an arsonous mood when they left, because otherwise there probably would’ve been countless fields and barns around here with dozens of bales just lying there, unsold and unused with no fuel to ship them to buyers. But since hay was useful and convenient for burning they’d probably gone out of their way to torch it wherever they found any.
Actually that was a thought. Even trying their best the blockheads couldn’t have gotten it all, and there were areas they hadn’t reached and possibly people who’d found it valuable enough to justify the labor of moving it to safety. Even now there could be a lot more hay around here than animals to eat it, especially after a year of struggling to survive led to the slaughter of so much livestock.
Lewis had the handcart, and the town had other carts and wagons available. It might be worth asking around the area to see if anyone was willing to trade for hay. They might even be able to get it cheap. He’d have to talk to Chauncey about it.
At the moment he was in the barn, calculating space in the floor and loft areas and deciding how much fodder they could store and how the livestock stalls should be arranged. He was glad they’d built for extra space, anticipating future prosperity, because short term it also made the job of fitting everything in easier.
Assuming they had the fodder to fit in.
That was one important plan they’d have to make as soon as the first snows fell. If they didn’t have enough for all the animals to eat through the winter they’d want to butcher the surplus immediately, so they didn’t eat any more fodder. That would leave more for the rest and allow for more in total to stay alive. They’d probably want to butcher a few animals anyway, those too old to reproduce and any redundant bucks and rams.
That was a small number, which was great news for the herds going forward since it meant almost every animal was potentially productive. Now whether the townspeople could survive through the winter on the food they had, and might need to butcher more to stay alive, was another question entirely.
Although none of the shelter group’s animals would be harvested for meat if he could do anything to avoid it, that was for sure.
“Lewis?”
Startled out of his thoughts, Lewis turned to see Deb standing just inside the wide open barn doors. “Hi,” he said. “Looking for Trev?”
For a moment she seemed almost angry, and maybe a little lost. “No.” She glanced around the empty space. “I, um, I’m trying to find ways to help out. Can I do anything here?”
The answer to that was mostly no, but at the same time he couldn’t refuse. If Aunt Clair and Uncle George had done their “intervention” with Trev, and Deb wasn’t currently glued to his side, that probably meant his cousin had convinced her to make some sort of change. That was something to encourage. Hopefully.
“Sure.” Lewis motioned to the small stack of crudely cut and baled fodder they’d already gathered. “I was just about to move those into the loft. Want to climb up there and I’ll hand them up to you?”
She nodded and started for the ladder. As she went Lewis grabbed the top bale and brought it over, starting up after her. But when he raised the burden overhead to hand to her she didn’t take it.
He looked up to see the brown-haired woman staring down at him, an odd expression on her face. “Everyone in your family got together and decided Trev’s mom and dad needed to convince him to stay away from me,” she said.
Lewis sighed and, with a quick heave, tossed the bale up beside her so he wouldn’t have to keep holding it. Then he leaned against the ladder. “They just wanted to voice their concern to Trev,” he explained. She didn’t answer. “So he already talked to you about it?”
Deb shook her head, more miserable than angry. “Linda did, right after their parents pulled him in to have their talk. She told me everything.”
Lewis shifted uncomfortably, wondering exactly what Linda had said. He was fond of his cousin, but he also knew what she was like. Had the girl said something that might hinder Trev’s chances of helping Deb, and maybe even hurt her? If the poor woman thought the entire family was against her where exactly did she go from there?
On the plus side, at least she was willing to approach him, so maybe it wasn’t so bad. “We’re worried for both of you,” he tried.
“I get it.” Deb smiled a bit bitterly. “The alarm bells start ringing when you see someone you care about getting followed around by a damaged girl who’s emotionally demanding and shuns physical intimacy.”
Lewis winced. It was great for her that she was willing to approach him, but it was awkward to be put on the spot like this. “That’s not how it is,” he said gently. “We all want things to work out for you. But you know things can’t keep going like they are.”
“I know.” She abruptly turned and grabbed the bale, hauling it farther back into the loft. “That’s why I’m here right now instead of trailing after him like a lost puppy. When he finally hunts me down and tells me we should take a break for our own good, I’ll go along and make it easy on him.”
Lewis felt a moment of helpless frustration. He didn’t want Deb felling like he thought she was baggage. He cared about and respected her. They all did. The problem was that Trev had gone overboard while trying to help her, in ways that weren’t good for either of them.
Still, one of the oldest bits of advice in existence was to not interfere in the romantic relationship of a loved one. Even if you were right, which wasn’t always the case, and even if you gave good advice to the couple, it rarely helped and usually just ended up with both people mad at you.