But whatever frustration he felt was at the situation, not at Trev or Deb. He just wanted to help them however he could. So he’d keep his mouth shut and let Deb vent if that was what she needed, or more preferably work comfortably beside her to show that being away from his cousin for a while might not be too bad after all.
Together they moved most of the bales up into the loft. Deb didn’t say anything after that, and either she was catching allergies from the crudely cut and baled meadow grass or she was crying, but Lewis gave her some space. He wasn’t sure if it was a relief or not when Trev finally showed up.
On the other hand his cousin looked seriously relieved to find Deb, and it was obvious he’d been looking for her. Lewis made a graceful exit from the barn to give them room to talk, hoping they could sort things through.
Since Lewis had given him a good excuse with finishing the work moving bales, Trev was more than happy to take it and postpone the inevitable for a few more minutes.
He could immediately tell something was wrong with Deb, though. Had she listened in to his conversation with his parents, or heard some other way? If so what would she think of people talking about her like she was a problem behind her back?
Finally, though, the last bale was arranged neatly in one corner of the large loft. Deb turned to look at him, and Trev had to remind himself not to brush a stray wisp of drying grass from her hair. Why did everything have to be so complicated when his feelings were so simple? “We need to talk.”
She gave him a resigned smile. “About the fact that I’m super clingy?”
So he’d guessed right and she already knew. He sighed. “I wanted a chance to talk things over with you without any jumping to conclusions.”
The brown-haired woman’s smile turned sad. “Too late, cat’s out of the bag. I don’t know if you knew this, but Linda’s already seeing wedding bells in our future. She’s a sweet girl, excited at the thought of having a sister. When she found out they were going to spring an intervention on you she let me know what was going on, and why everyone was worried for me.”
“Oh.” Linda had been very friendly with Deb, which was pretty noticeable since his sister… wasn’t always the easiest person to get along with. “What, um, do you think?”
Deb looked away. “I think it couldn’t hurt if I found other ways to be useful around town. Ways that let me connect with other people.” She shook her head, almost angrily. “And I should start letting you get a good night’s sleep. You need it with all the work you do.”
Trev was relieved that she was willing to take that step, but also a bit disappointed. He did enjoy having her around, and he didn’t want that to completely end. “We don’t have to cut off contact completely.”
Deb gave him a relieved look. Had she been thinking the same thing? “I’m glad that-I mean…” She took a deep breath and continued in a rush. “If we do want some hope of a normal future, it’s better if I step away for a while. I don’t want to be a burden, constantly weighing on you and using you to shield me from my issues. It doesn’t work and it’s not fair to either of us. I want to be more like Jane, a real partner where we strengthen and can depend on each other. I want you to be able to lean on me sometimes so you don’t have to be strong all the time.”
Trev felt heat rising in his cheeks, and Deb blushed furiously as she blurted out the words. Even with all the time they’d spent together they’d both carefully danced around the romantic side of things. It was good to know he wasn’t the only one who’d been thinking that way. “Maybe we can turn movie night into proper dates,” he said with a lopsided grin. “I can pick you up before dinner and have you home before midnight.”
She laughed, although it sounded like an excuse to relieve some tension. “Thanks for being patient with me,” she said quietly. “But I have to warn you that my problems aren’t going to go away overnight. Spending some time apart to correct unhealthy dependencies is a good start, but none of this is going to be easy for me. That’s not really fair to you.”
“You’re talking like being around you has been nothing but negatives,” Trev said. “I like being with you. I want you to do what you need to in order to heal from your experiences, but never think you’re just a burden.”
Deb looked away, tears in her eyes. “That means more than you think,” she whispered. She abruptly leaned in to put a hand on his shoulder and kiss him on the cheek, then started for the ladder. “Let’s give it a few weeks and go from there.”
Trev stayed where he was, watching her go. A few weeks felt like a long, long time. Concern for her aside, he wasn’t sure he could endure that. There was also the worry that stepping back would give her some perspective, and she might decide she was better off without him and make a clean break after all.
Or it might give her a different kind of perspective, and when they got back together the relationship could grow more naturally. He could only hope. Whatever happened he could live with, as long as it helped her heal after what she’d been through.
Chapter Ten
Unwelcome Guests
Matt wasn’t sure whether or not the evening commemoration of the Gulf refineries attack, and all who’d died during it and since, had improved the mood in town or made it worse. On the one hand it gave those who’d suffered losses a chance to grieve. On the other it reminded the townspeople that everything was messed up.
Just when they thought their troubles with the blockheads were over, and they could fully focus on their troubles with the upcoming nuclear winter, suddenly more men with guns roll around to cause problems they might not be able to handle. Sometimes life just decided to keep grinding you down beyond the point where you could take it.
Whatever the mood, attendance at the ceremony looked to be nearly the entire town. Hundreds of people packed into the meadow, including those who usually didn’t bother coming to town events. Only Trev’s defenders on patrol and sentry duty weren’t able to participate, although many came to pay their respects beforehand or intended to do so afterwards.
That included Trev himself, who’d swapped shifts to go out patrolling. Matt wasn’t sure what had brought that on, but from the general whispers around the shelter group he had a feeling his friend was having problems with Deb. Some sort of argument, maybe. Matt missed him being there, but he could understand the need to get away sometimes.
The ceremony itself was fairly simple. Matt had staked out a spot where people could leave mementos of those they’d lost, with the intention that once times were better the town would put up a monument here engraved with all those names. He’d also roped off a modest sized plot in the meadow to be converted into a memorial park when times were better. The other town leaders had approved the idea, and were there along with almost everyone else in town laying down mementos.
Matt gave a short speech, feeling awkward and inadequate to be addressing such a serious topic. From there he let the event progress in a more organic fashion as people filed respectfully past the monument location. Final goodbyes were offered, prayers said, and tears shed. People clung tightly to their loved ones through it all.
Including Sam, who wouldn’t let him take his arms from around her except to greet their friends and neighbors. She was quiet and subdued, dark eyes shiny with tears for her own loved ones lost in New York. Matt knew things hadn’t been perfect with her family, but the grief was just as strong over missed opportunities. He knew she kept that grief buried deep and rarely mentioned her past or speculated on the fate of those she’d left behind back east, but it still weighed on her.